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Is there any way to regain hope when I am completely hopeless??


Kenneth8825

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Hi,  sorry if I don't write much but I am constantly tired.  I just want to know if anyone here ever had extreme hopelessness about the future and how they changed.  A little background on my life and why I feel this way. From 2014-2017 I was a medical student and  attached all my self worth to that. I worked really hard to get into med school, so when I failed out I had no idea who I was anymore, I was truly worthless.  A lot of people have said to me  that I have worth just because I am alive , but I don't see it that way. A 30 year old, unemployed loser with no kids, no friends, and tons of student debt is pretty much worthless to society.   I have been trying my best to pick myself up and move on with my life after my med school failure but hopelessness keeps me frozen. Just today I researched  " how to regain hope" and the biggest tip I found was to find positive people and talk to them but I have no friends.   I am already on medication, my therapist could care less,  I feel like I just need regular friends I can open up to,  hopelessness and loneliness is ******* me. 

Edited by Kenneth8825
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Welcome Kenneth.  I'm sorry you have to be here but, believe it or not, you'll find lots of support.  Your kind of hopelessness is a kinda thing for a lot of us here.  Personally, I know how utterly draining it is...been going thru a lot of that myself the past few months.  I'm not gonna blow rainbows, but glad you have access to medication and therapy, as ineffective as they might be.  Again, many of us have been in the same boat, as you'll find if you browse our posts.

My first inclination was to make a suggestion considering the experience you've gained in your medical background, but I don't know squat about med school and you're already feeling overwhelmed.  Ain't gonna add to that distress...like getting from A to C without going thru B.

Point being, how can we help you with the basics right now?  Browse our stories.  Fill us in as much and as often as you wish.  Yep, jus' ramble if necessary.  Honestly, I've found this is about the only place I can pour out my heart.

A couple specific suggestions.  One is that quite often I have to break time down into smaller pieces...a day at a time, an hour at a time, or even a moment at a time.  The other is an old tool l learned years ago in 12-step meetings called the HALT.  It stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.  In short, it's a way I've found useful to focus what's left of my energies.  Oh, btw, I don't do any of those perfectly.

 

Edited by MarkintheDark
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No doubt mark is right about hopelessness kinda being a thing here at DF...I'd just like to say that your worth is not determined by society Kenneth, it must be determined by you...I can't say i agree that just because someone's alive they have worth, i believe it's completely what we do with being alive...

The fact that you posted here at all proves to me that you believe you have worth and that's a great start! It might be good to explore other therapist options if this one doesn't seem to care...

And we are here at DF to be friends and offer support for those of us who need it...scout around here and see if you can find someone you might be able to help in a different area...that will certainly give you a kick start of hope and self worth and maybe we can help you out of this rut! 

Take care,

Jenerator

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Several years ago I hit rock bottom. The wrong therapists had made the issues I was struggling with worse than ever. I felt abandoned by family and friends and completely alone. I had more ugly baggage than an airline. I came incredibly close to ending it all because I was completely hopeless and the only future I saw for myself was miserable. Fast forward to today. I have never been happier. I can say that even though I live with chronic physical pain 24/7, still struggle with night terrors and flashbacks from an abusive childhood, occasionally battle an eating disorder, and yes, at times, even have depressive mood swings. I am okay. I have a family who loves and cares about me. I have a few close friends and even more not-so-close friends.  I am once again busy with my art and the other hobbies I enjoy. When I hit those dark moments I remember where I once was and how much my life changed. Don't base the rest of your life on how you feel today or how you perceive things "will" be. Life changes so quickly. I am so glad I hung in there through those dark, empty, painful, lonely, hopeless days. I would never ever have foreseen the incredible "stuff" waiting for me just ahead. Give yourself the gift of time to discover hope again.

 

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I am going through this, too, Kenneth. Hopelessness ("things will never get better") is the signature symptom of major depression. Coming in second and third are helplessness ("there's nothing I can do about it") and worthlessness ("I'm no good to anybody").

These are all lies.

The problem is that depression is a convincing liar. While in its throes, I firmly believe these things and it's a terrible feeling. I am convinced that there is nothing to live for.

One thing you can do is, when you are feeling better, write a letter to your depressed self to remind you that these thoughts and feelings can pass.

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Hi Kenneth,

     It is nice to meet you.  I would like to welcome you to the Forums.

     I've been on these Forums for many years and I've learned a surprising thing from others here.  Over the years, so many people here have told me that posts like the one you wrote have not only helped them feel less isolated and alone with their own personal anguish and pain but have actually literally saved their lives when they were on the edge. 

At first, I didn't believe that.  But that happened to me too awhile back.  I was so close to the abyss and reading posts like yours pulled me back and kept me going.

    I don't believe anyone who saves a life can ever be a worthless person. 

   Your post will save lives. 

   There is an old saying that goes:  "Whoever helps to save a single human life, it is if that person had saved the entire world."  This saying was quoted in the film, "Schindler's List." 

   People today and in the future will read your post, Kenneth, people from every English speaking country in the world, and you will save lives.  To me your are not a failure or loser. 

   To save a life is one of the greatest, if not the greatest thing a human being can accomplish in life, in my opinion.  So I am very thankful you posted. 

   To be honest, I have been going through a bad time recently and your post helped me just tremendously.  So I am personally profoundly grateful to you.

    I hope these Forums will be of use to you.  They have helped me a lot.  You may not be a doctor, but you are a saver of lives!

- Epictetus

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