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Logan Sims

Alone for another homecoming

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It doesn't take a genius to take one look at me and notice that lady love has not been kind to me in the slightest. I asked two girls out last week and I got rejected by both of them. Everyday is stressful and lonely to a point where I honestly wonder why I even live anymore. Suicidal thoughts go back and forth through my mind all the time anymore. Counseling hasn't helped. A helpline won't help. These things only postpone the inevitable. I'm gonna die alone anyways while I watch everyone else be happy with their significant other. My home school's principal came in and gave announcements about homecoming at the career center and it made an already awful week even worse. All in one month I have 9/11 to depress me ( I didn't lose anyone in 9/11, but it's anniversary makes me feel horrible all the same), my grandpa died on the 20th in 2011 and I miss him like crazy, and now on top of all this shit, I have to think about how lonely and unsuccessful I am when it comes to finding a soulmate. Thanks a lot Mr. Principal... I was alone for the last homecoming too. Some people say that having a significant other is just the cherry on the top. For me it's a necessity because I feel so alone all the time. I have a few friends, but I don't really have a steady support group because my family can't really help even if they wanted to and the friends I do have will probably ditch them because I'm too depressing. I know it's hard for a girlfriend to deal with too, but I know for a fact I wouldn't be sad all the time if I had a girlfriend. I might even be happier, because lately the root of my sadness seems to be coming from being a single loser. If getting a girlfriend doesn't help and I'm still upset after that, I might as well just **** myself after she breaks up with me. Everyday I lie to my parents about how I had a good day at school. Nothing is good. I just put on a facade so I don't have to talk about it with my Mom, because she treats me like an idiot sometimes when I tell her what's bothering me. No offense to any of you here, but sometimes I wish I would just make my last post here and just stab, shoot, or hang myself. I'm really tired of life and the sadness it brings.

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I'm sorry that you are suffering so. My recommendation would be to be honest with your parents, so that they can get you the help that you need. 

High school sucks for everyone. Let me say that again........high school sucks for everyone. Whoever said that high school is the best years of your life is seriously disturbed. It is not real life and sometimes it is just something that you have to survive. I have two sons about your age. One is a junior in college and the other is starting at community college in the winter. Neither of them had girlfriends in high school and I don't think that either of them even went to a school dance.

Have you tried out some school clubs to try to find your people? That helped my eldest when he went away to college and fell into a depression. Eventually he found a close group of friends who would support him. In high school, the robotics team helped out quite a bit, since the people there (although they drive him nuts) were people like him. 

There is so much life to have after the hell of high school and so many different kinds of people that you will meet in your life. Don't give up before you have even gotten to the fun part.

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1 minute ago, JessiesMom said:

I'm sorry that you are suffering so. My recommendation would be to be honest with your parents, so that they can get you the help that you need. 

High school sucks for everyone. Let me say that again........high school sucks for everyone. Whoever said that high school is the best years of your life is seriously disturbed. It is not real life and sometimes it is just something that you have to survive. I have two sons about your age. One is a junior in college and the other is starting at community college in the winter. Neither of them had girlfriends in high school and I don't think that either of them even went to a school dance.

Have you tried out some school clubs to try to find your people? That helped my eldest when he went away to college and fell into a depression. Eventually he found a close group of friends who would support him. In high school, the robotics team helped out quite a bit, since the people there (although they drive him nuts) were people like him. 

There is so much life to have after the hell of high school and so many different kinds of people that you will meet in your life. Don't give up before you have even gotten to the fun part.

At this point I'm not even sure if there really is a fun part. I hate my life plain and simple. Everytime I'm honest with my parents they make me feel bad or don't say anything to help at all. I don't know why I try anymore. Elementary school was awful, middle school was awful, high school was awful. In all honesty, my entire life has been a cesspool of anger, frustration, and sadness. I'm a junior. I still have this year and next year. It honestly feels never-ending. I'm not like most people. Because to be honest. Almost nothing makes me happy. I've been miserable since I lost my grandfather almost 8 years ago. But the one thing that brought me some genuine happiness over those years, was having a romantic and intimate relationship with someone I could actually connect with. But nothing else keeps me happy. And on top of everything, I have a huge fear of nuclear war which seems like it could start any year with tensions with North Korea and the middle east. So sometimes I wonder what the point of making progress is if I wind up being blown away like everyone else when the world goes to war for the last time. I'm honestly in such a deep pit. Nothing can really help. I just wish I had the strength to end my life so I didn't have to live through any more of this...

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3 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I never went to a dance.  I was the biggest outcast in school.  My whole life has been like being bigfoot in every room.  My whole life has been garbage.

I'm pretty sure I'm one of the biggest outcasts at my school. I don't know why I even try to live anymore. I'm literally a useless waste of space.

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Hey dude, I can relate to you a lot. I never went to any of those formal dances in high school. I was too much of a coward to even ask a girl. Already, you are so much braver than I was at that age.

I had a very determined nerdy friend that had to ask several dozen girls before he got a yes.

Honestly, what I would do if I could go back in time? This is going to sound insane, but I would have gone to an escort service. Cut a deal with them that you're not looking for sex. Hire a pretty young gal to be your date, and make sure she is dressed properly for the event. Women want what they can't have. The only time girls ever showed any interest in me is when I was already in a relationship. If they see you with a pretty girl, it will blow their minds.

The most important thing about being a male with depression is you must never show it. You must never whine or complain or be a downer. Women are repelled by negativity. But it's perfectly acceptable to relax and be yourself at home with your parents. I don't know your mom, but I think it would be in your best interest if you were honest with her. I know in my case, I hid the fact I was being bullied in school from my parents. So they thought I was skipping school because I was just a lazy slacker.

You might want to look into some men's forums out there. And you might want to even check out some of the men's rights ones. I found some good advice that way that made me understand women a lot better, and also ways to feel better about yourself. But beware of any angry or super-negative guys you might meet there. Also beware of PUA con artists.

EDIT: My childhood was during the cold war. We were constantly tormented by the media about the inevitable nuclear Armageddon. It never happened obviously. And it's not going to happen. Turn of the news because today's journalism is 90% bullshit clickbait and scare tactics.

Edited by Time Machine

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9 minutes ago, Time Machine said:

Hey dude, I can relate to you a lot. I never went to any of those formal dances in high school. I was too much of a coward to even ask a girl. Already, you are so much braver than I was at that age.

I had a very determined nerdy friend that had to ask several dozen girls before he got a yes.

Honestly, what I would do if I could go back in time? This is going to sound insane, but I would have gone to an escort service. Cut a deal with them that you're not looking for sex. Hire a pretty young gal to be your date, and make sure she is dressed properly for the event. Women want what they can't have. The only time girls ever showed any interest in me is when I was already in a relationship. If they see you with a pretty girl, it will blow their minds.

The most important thing about being a male with depression is you must never show it. You must never whine or complain or be a downer. Women are repelled by negativity. But it's perfectly acceptable to relax and be yourself at home with your parents. I don't know your mom, but I think it would be in your best interest if you were honest with her. I know in my case, I hid the fact I was being bullied in school from my parents. So they thought I was skipping school because I was just a lazy slacker.

You might want to look into some men's forums out there. And you might want to even check out some of the men's rights ones. I found some good advice that way that made me understand women a lot better, and also ways to feel better about yourself. But beware of any angry or super-negative guys you might meet there. Also beware of PUA con artists.

EDIT: My childhood was during the cold war. We were constantly tormented by the media about the inevitable nuclear Armageddon. It never happened obviously. And it's not going to happen. Turn of the news because today's journalism is 90% bullshit clickbait and scare tactics.

Pretty much past the point of not showing my depression. People can see it in the way I walk and how quiet I am. I only talk about my feelings to a few people outside of this forum. I don't think I'd ever go to a men's forum. It sounds like I'd be asking to be called a *****.

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On 9/12/2019 at 3:26 PM, Logan Sims said:

Pretty much past the point of not showing my depression. People can see it in the way I walk and how quiet I am.

I know, and I was the same way. But you just have to learn to change the way you present and carry yourself.
Maybe the old fashioned solution is better-- you must have a friend that is popular and knows how to get girls, right? Ask him for advice on what to do. And then then you need to do what he suggests. One of the things he may tell you is to change your clothes and hair. This may feel "gross" and like it's "not you", but you must do it. Think of it as a uniform you wear, and you can dress more casually at home.

As others have said, joining some sort of club is a good way to go. What are some of the things you are good at or enjoy?

I want to warn you not to base all your happiness on girls though. They can make you feel good, but they are very fickle and will tear your guts out. You can't let yourself fall madly in love because if you do, your depression will get exponentially worse when you get dumped. You have to learn to just enjoy the moment and to let it go when it's over.

 

 

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Buddy, you're too young for all of this. You've barely lived a quarter of your life and you're calling it a lost cause. Think about that. Imagine reading the first quarter of a book, or watching the first 6 minutes of an episode of a show, or playing just up to the first dungeon in a really long game and deeming it so bad that it's a waste of space. That's not right, and I'm sure you know that.

Take it from a huge nerd guy who also didn't go to any dance, nobody was talking about this stuff for more than an afternoon. I listened and most people wanted to forget that they spent money on that night because it was so boring. I don't think you're missing all that much. Certainly nothing to envy to the point of adding it to your list of reasons to want to die. Congrats on actually asking two people out by the way. That's two more than I ever worked up the courage for. I know people who tried a lot less harder than you who got even more depressed at the time (me for example). I also know people who tried even harder and still got shot down every time who were even less depressed (my old best friend, for example). She gave me some sage advice back then. Told me what's done is done and that she didn't see any point in getting depressed over it. Said she rented some movies that weekend and made her own fun, but now I'm getting sidetracked. Point is, you tried real hard, it didn't work out this time, but at least you tried. Be proud of that at least and take a small comfort in the fact that it's just one night that will probably be forgotten by the end of the month by all in attendance.

You seem like you're way to caught up on past tragedies to make any improvements to your personal life. I know it's rough. I lost my own grandpa and grandma some time ago, but your first priority needs to be to put the past behind you. For me, a faith in some afterlife where my grandparents sometimes watch me with pride in their hearts helped me. Is it imaginary? Probably, but whatever helps is good enough for me. It got me to stop crying long enough to see life moving on without me. Another thing that isn't helping you is insisting that everything has always been awful. It's not true (because you told us as much), and saying that in your head over and over again is making you hold onto your past even more. If you're like I was, you tell yourself that and then you search your memories for everything that confirms that story. It's not healthy though. I dunno what else to say. All I do know is that by sheer coincidence, my mom once reminded me that I looked forward to school in what I thought was a time that I hated school. Clearly my own bad memories didn't tell the whole story and I'm betting it's the same with you and a lot of other people.

Lets say you manage to put most of the bad past behind you. Now you're worried about a nuclear war that may never happen. I don't mean to make light of your anxiety, but logically speaking, that isn't very likely to happen. Every major country knows that every major country has nuclear weapons and launching a single one is pretty much a big sign that says "HIT THIS COUNTRY WITH ALL THE NUKES". With all of the requirements and permissions a military facility needs to activate one, it's not likely that somebody will attempt to star a nuclear war without realizing that they're going to get nuked right after they start it.It would take a lot of illogical, very dumb people in very specific places with very specific authoritative power. Rest assured, we're not in danger of becoming the world of Fallout games anytime soon. Look at it this way. What if there is a nuclear war that erases everything. . . or what if there isn't and everything will be fine? If the latter happens, you're worried over literally nothing and making your life exponentially worse over it. If the former happens, you're worried over things beyond our control and are making your life exponentially worse over it. That's the thing about the future. You have to be able to take a step back, pick and choose the things you can actually have some semblance of control over in your life, and leave the rest up to luck or faith or whatever force drives the universe.

This has gone on way too long though, so I'll try to wrap up by saying this; I think you're going about your quest for happiness in the wrong way. You can't be happy without a girlfriend, but you can't get a girlfriend cuz you're depressed. You've locked yourself in a self-sustaining cycle of misery and the only way out is to turn your energy to something else. If you took my two cents on the homecoming thing, then take this from me too. A girlfriend won't fix everything about you that you don't like. And if she leaves, it'll just add fuel to your miserable fire. It's too risky and the payoff isn't worth it. But I've said enough. I hope you get better and find some real help soon. I've seen enough kids talk about how their life will never get better come back to me with much happier and improved lives to know that there is still more than enough time and hope for you. Don't you dare waste that by committing suicide.

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