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My wife and I’ve been married 14 years. The first years were rough and made me depressed and anxious. We battled through more years and I got more depressed. I’d like to sell our house and separate but have several financial issues now. On top of it my job’s very stressful. I feel like I’m being crushed. We’ve done counseling together and apart, which hasn’t helped much. I’d appreciate advice on next steps from people who’ve been through it.

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Hey Bluetile, 

I am new to the forum as well,  and my reason for joining this forum seems to be the very reasons why you have.  I cant help you from a point of view of coming out of the other side and can provide advice as I seem to be in the exact same situation as you.

I have been with my wife 20 years, and married 12, but from early on started to suffer from panic attacks and anxiety.  I feel this has gone on for far too long and now the past couple fo years seem to be slipping into a horrible state of depression.

I am considering separating at the moment, as I don't know deep down why I am so unhappy, but feel that separating make makes things easier for my recovery because the added stresses that living with others can bring.

Can I ask, do you have children?, and what financial restraints would present if you were to separate.

We might be able to help each other out?

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Hey Saprkzz,

Thanks for replying. We don’t have children. I can’t discuss the financial issues, but we can’t separate now. My therapist says my wife’s anger triggers my anxiety and depression, and I think so too. I’m sad we did not divorce after my first depression episode a few years into the marriage.

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On 9/15/2019 at 1:29 AM, bluetile said:

Hey Saprkzz,

Thanks for replying. We don’t have children. I can’t discuss the financial issues, but we can’t separate now. My therapist says my wife’s anger triggers my anxiety and depression, and I think so too. I’m sad we did not divorce after my first depression episode a few years into the marriage.

I hear exactly where your coming from,  I cant take the way my wife deals with the kids,  always screaming at them, and it literally goes through me like a cheese grater.

My wife is blaming my "mental state", and will not communicate with me so its really tough.

At least you don't have kids as that can be the reason why people staying unhappy marriages and its not good for them,  just makes it a lot harder.

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Just now, Saprkzz said:

My wife is blaming my "mental state", and will not communicate with me so its really tough.

Yes, my ex did this, only a couple of times.  She said, she could point to the page and paragraph that described my deficiency.  A professional wouldn't do that, blaming, based on a page in a book, and I always found it to be mean spirited.  I too, could point to a passage in a pop psyche book to condemn hers, or anyone's, actions.  But, I would hopefully decide not to do that.  She was struggling then, to break free of me and become her own deaf, dumb, and blind person.  The quickest route to that was over me.

Bulgakov

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