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What Did You Do Today? #3


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A waking up slowly morning, I didn't get out of bed until 11am. 

Shopping, worked on the newsletter for my support group, social time on Zoom, worked with a friend to update support group rules, made a taco salad, listened to a podcast about grief, watched TV. 

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18 hours ago, Bulgakov said:

Just put a pic I took of one of my neighbors in my gallery.  One pic's  enough, they all look the same to me.  Taken from my trailer dinette window.

Bulga

Nice photo!  Cute 'neighbor'.

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8 hours ago, sober4life said:

I ripped up all of my pictures because I'm tired of looking at my ugly face!

So relatable! While "normal" people go crazy hanging pictures in their apartments and  posting selfies and pictures with friends/family online I have long ago deleted all pictures that I appear in. Online I'm like a ghost, only my LinkedIn pic is out there and that's set to private. My existence is bad enough, best to leave no traces and not to remind myself of how ugly I am. I hate my face and so does everybody else. 

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33 minutes ago, lonelyforeigner said:

So relatable! While "normal" people go crazy hanging pictures in their apartments and  posting selfies and pictures with friends/family online I have long ago deleted all pictures that I appear in. Online I'm like a ghost, only my LinkedIn pic is out there and that's set to private. My existence is bad enough, best to leave no traces and not to remind myself of how ugly I am. I hate my face and so does everybody else. 

Mom kept a lot of things from my childhood as well toys, report cards, things I did in school papers and things I burnt it all or threw it away.  There is nothing left to remind me of my childhood and no trace online except for here.  I want no trace of me left because I hate myself.  I'm hoping this is my last year in this world.

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11 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Mom kept a lot of things from my childhood as well toys, report cards, things I did in school papers and things I burnt it all or threw it away.  There is nothing left to remind me of my childhood and no trace online except for here.  I want no trace of me left because I hate myself.  I'm hoping this is my last year in this world.

Can't say that my parents kept anything but I know where you're coming from, my worldly possessions fit into 2 suitcases. Every time I moved I threw everything away or destroyed my things in a fit of rage, even things that meant something to me. An act that would hurt a normal person, it was almost pleasurable to me, as if i was erasing part of my miserable existence. Now I'm down to the bare minimum, de-facto homeless with few possessions... To think that 10 years ago I had an apartment stuffed with expensive things 🙈 I too hope that this is my last year in this world, there is absolutely no point in me sticking around other than the fact that I'm a coward. 

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17 minutes ago, lonelyforeigner said:

Can't say that my parents kept anything but I know where you're coming from, my worldly possessions fit into 2 suitcases. Every time I moved I threw everything away or destroyed my things in a fit of rage, even things that meant something to me. An act that would hurt a normal person, it was almost pleasurable to me, as if i was erasing part of my miserable existence. Now I'm down to the bare minimum, de-facto homeless with few possessions... To think that 10 years ago I had an apartment stuffed with expensive things 🙈 I too hope that this is my last year in this world, there is absolutely no point in me sticking around other than the fact that I'm a coward. 

I get pleasure from it too because there isn't anything that brings back good memories.  There are no good memories.  I've failed at everything in life and burnt every bridge to ground all through life.  I don't blame people for not wanting to come here because I don't even want to be here.  Every picture I was uncomfortable in and miserable in the situation I was in.  I was forced to take my picture.  Never in my life have I asked to have my picture taken because there has never been a moment I wanted to remember.

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9 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Never in my life have I asked to have my picture taken because there has never been a moment I wanted to remember.

I hear you. Luckily I don't really have to worry about anyone outside of immediate family taking pictures, about the only times people took pictures of me was out of courtesy because they assumed I'd want to be in them but somehow I always seemed to be missing from their social media posts, coincidence? I think not... At the end of the day I am glad though, I don't need to remember my past and what a failure I am. The present is painful enough as it is. 

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I dragged my carcass to the office. I didn't sleep well and when the alarm went off, I felt like I had been run over by one of those street sweeper vehicles. My eyes feel like they have sand in them and my mind is all fogged in. But I came to work anyway because otherwise I'd have felt "guilty".

Like @lonelyforeigner and @sober4life, I hate my own appearance. I have since I was a little kid. I've torn up plenty of pictures of myself over the years. I also hate mirrors because then I have to come face to face with my ugliness.

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I'm trying to find a pet.  I found one dog named Beauty that looks angry in her picture.  She might be perfect.  It's funny though I'm sure they try and try to take pictures of the animals and the only one they can get is an angry picture.:unsure:I found a horse too.  Maybe I should get a horse.:unsure:

Edited by sober4life
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10 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm trying to find a pet.  I found one dog named Beauty that looks angry in her picture.  She might be perfect.  It's funny though I'm sure they try and try to take pictures of the animals and the only one they can get is an angry picture.:unsure:I found a horse too.  Maybe I should get a horse.:unsure:

Oh, that's lovely to hear sober. My pets have made my life bearable and have sometimes been the only thing keeping me going. I think it's a good move 👍

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29 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Oh, that's lovely to hear sober. My pets have made my life bearable and have sometimes been the only thing keeping me going. I think it's a good move 👍

I found a couple of dogs that I like.  I found another one named Bandit.  I'm going to go meet them soon.❤️The horse idea is a more down the road thing I think.  It's taken so long to get the work done I've wanted to do around here.  I want to fence in my property sometime soon and maybe have farm animals live here.

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1 minute ago, sober4life said:

I found a couple of dogs that I like.  I found another one named Bandit.  I'm going to go meet them soon.❤️The horse idea is a more down the road thing I think.  It's taken so long to get the work done I've wanted to do around here.  I want to fence in my property sometime soon and maybe have farm animals live here.

Yay! ❤️❤️❤️

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