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On 2/11/2020 at 4:40 AM, Atra said:

Went to lip reading class. Trying to read the word candle without any context nearly broke my brain. 

Finished writing up an application packet for the peer specialist mental health certificate program, gonna drop it off tomorrow. 

Attended depression/bipolar support group. I'm a regular at the Saturday group but it's been a few weeks since I attended on a Monday evening, nice to reconnect with those folks. Wasn't facilitating so I shared with my struggles and recieved some love, support and ideas. Felt pretty good. 

When I got home, I discovered my sliced turkey breast had finally turned and had to chuck it. I hate wasting food but at least I got through most of what I bought. 

It’s always feel good when you feel like you got your money worth in whatever you buy.  Especially, food 

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10 minutes ago, SoulSurvivor said:

I had to run around to several different stores as usual... it took almost 4 hours!...  I remember at one point in life, where it didn't take longer than an hour

When I'm feeling really bad 4 stores might mean 4 different trips.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

When I'm feeling really bad 4 stores might mean 4 different trips.

It's a mixed bag for me... sometimes I don't mind staying out of the house, running errands and joining society at Trader Joe's or where-ever ...  

but today was not a sometimes kind of day

Edited by SoulSurvivor
typed out all weirdly

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4 minutes ago, SoulSurvivor said:

It's a mixed bag for me... sometimes I don't mind staying out of the house, running errands and joining society at Trader Joe's or where-ever ...  but today was not a so

metimes kind of day

On depressed days for me I can't stand to go to the mailbox.  On a manic day I run full tilt for 15 hours.  I understand believe me.

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Facilitated support group, it went well. Having some experience in this role now, I realize that group dynamics interest me. Like when a member shares some topic of interest, a robust discussion can break out where ideas or experiences bounce from one attendee to another, often with 6 or more people contributing. Some cool feelings emerge: sharing a purpose, feeling energized, self-reflection, interconnectedness, gestalt, etc. The facilitator can sort of fade into the background and let it happen naturally but always minding the clock. 

Went out for coffee afterwards, a bunch of us helped a friend write a pitch for her non-profit and I recieved help on a portion of my graduate school statement I got hung up on. Pretty good day, in all. Except for feeling crappy still about a couple of persons in my life who don't respect boundaries. 

 

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I was given the results of my constructive story test. The lady concluded that the traits I most admire in my role models are intelligence, strength, sociability, popularity, independence, admirability, and out of the box believing and thinking. These are for the most part things everyone finds admirable, though...

She says, based partly on what two of my favorite TV shows are (Three's Company, Mary Tyler Moore Show) that I prefer environments with a small work-force of cooperative and supportive people, with a sense of community. I thought this was pretty insightful and accurate.

Maybe this also explains why I don't care much for ensemble films. 

Regarding my 'current vocational state', there are themes of guilt, resentment in status and depression. I think this is fairly accurate. I don't think I've felt much guilt over anything. I don't at all feel that I'm entitled to a higher social status, but I've dealt with lifelong shame and feelings of inadequacy over not being 'accomplished'. She was basing this off two of my favorite books being The Winter Of Our Discontent and Madame Bovary. 

My earliest memories 'exposed themes of loss and anxiety'. One of the earliest memories I told her about was being too shy to attend my grandmother's funeral when I was in preschool. 

The conclusion she reached was that I relate most to 'artistic and social themes'. Here there is a major issue because most of the careers she suggested were in education or in social work/counseling/psychology. This is the kind of work I would most want to avoid on account of my social anxiety.

 

 

Edited by SqueezeWax

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I pulled down trees.  The one almost hit a building and it would have if it didn't hit another tree in the way.  That's the excitement of it.  People that don't really know what they're doing taking the risk of cutting down trees because they're too cheap to pay professionals.  It's a rush though.

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58 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I pulled down trees.  The one almost hit a building and it would have if it didn't hit another tree in the way.  That's the excitement of it.  People that don't really know what they're doing taking the risk of cutting down trees because they're too cheap to pay professionals.  It's a rush though.

You rock my friend :roll2:

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Attended the last meeting of my Ketamine therapy group. Sad that our therapist is leaving and they can't find another who can step in. It was a dramatic last day, I covered that in the How Are You Feeling thread. 

The psychiatrist that heads up the Ket program spoke to our group about the future and seemed optimistic that the program may once again open up for new patients with med-resistant MDD. First they will need to expand staff, space. They may also need to supply Spravato (Esketamine) in addition to racemic Ketamine because it's now an FDA approved medication for MDD. Nobody in our group including the psychiatrist likes Spravato, it's expensive, may be less effective and insufflation is a sucky way to administer. 

I'll still be getting treatments via the needle once per month. I'll also be writing a letter to the integrated delivery system (my insurance) about why patients in the Ketamine program need the therapy group. I will also add my thoughts about peer support in the program. The medical establishment is still so clueless about how to integrate peers and yet here we are, modeling it for them right here on this here website. 

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I am taking a class on Suicide Prevention counseling but I don't have any intention of ever being a Suicide Prevention Counselor.  Not mentally equipped for that kind of thing. 

So far the class is very surprising to me since it so different from what I was thinking I would be learning. 

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I got a reprimand at work. Earlier in the month, I attended a meeting at my work that started 1 hour before my shift began. In order not to accrue unapproved overtime, my supervisors told me I could leave 1 hour before the end of my shift. Today I got in trouble with their boss for doing just that. Unfair. Morale decreased. And or the first time since hired, I felt less than proud of working at this organization. And immediately after being shamed I had a full shift. 

Ironic that I was the only worker who showed up for my regularly scheduled shift tonight. I feel if I re-read @JD4010's work-related posts tonight, I would strain my neck for nodding so emphatically!

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So  on this very cold Oregon morning.  I made my protein shake, dealt with government forms,  emailed my tiny house builder (I think we finally completed the design) made tea, called in sick to work (really unwell past few days) and it's just 6am... feels like a Twin Peaks  A to Z marathon type of day

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On 2/17/2020 at 4:42 PM, sober4life said:

I pulled down trees.  The one almost hit a building and it would have if it didn't hit another tree in the way.  That's the excitement of it.  People that don't really know what they're doing taking the risk of cutting down trees because they're too cheap to pay professionals.  It's a rush though.

Remind me to tell you my story of drunk tree-cutting sometime. I seriously wonder how I'm still alive.

Today I came to work. It was a horrendous effort to get out of bed and trudge my way to the office. I have a terrible case of the IDGAFs.

Edited by JD4010

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2 hours ago, SoulSurvivor said:

So  on this very cold Oregon morning.  I made my protein shake, dealt with government forms,  emailed my tiny house builder (I think we finally completed the design) made tea, called in sick to work (really unwell past few days) and it's just 6am... feels like a Twin Peaks  A to Z marathon type of day

Well, I hope that you soon get to feeling better and try to take it easy

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