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I’ve been with my husband 11 1/2 years and married for 7. Everything was ok till we had our twins 3 1/2 years ago. He tried to avoid coming home and doing jobs for everyone else. 

Recently he has been calling me horrible things in front of his family and calling me fat. He tells all my friends they r beautiful and gorgeous but not me. He makes me feel worthless.

i have had countless conversations with him but it always goes back to normal. He is trying at the minute but I don’t want to hug or kiss him any more. I know he hasn’t cheated. 

As much as I try I can’t get over feeling worthless. I am already depressed and have anxiety issues which are not helping.

i don’t know what to do. The only place I am truly happy is work but I have kids to look after. 

I am trying to loose weight to feel better about myself. I have tried to be a good wife and cook meals, make sure the house is clean etc but I don’t feel close to him anymore and I can’t get over how he’s made me feel. 

Do I stay or do I go? I don’t know how to be happy with him any more. Please help

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Hello, 

You are in a very difficult situation, and the relationship sounds (from your post) very toxic.  You will begin to fall out with yourself when you are beaten down, even verbally this can be very toxic and the moment you look in the mirror and can not be happy with yourself, then its hard to love others.

I know, because I am in the situation,  I cant even look in the mirror without being disgusted.

I would never tell my wife she is fat,  this for me is the lowest, and technically bullying.  I can 100% tell you, that you don't need to be around that, and it may hurt and be the toughest thing you will ever do, but by breaking free you will rebuild your life and meet someone who loves you unconditionally.  

You deserve it!

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Hello Nixilou,

    I just read your post and want to tell you how very sorry I am that you are going through such an unhappy situation.  I went through something somewhat similar many years ago and the painful memories of that time are still with me and still vivid. 

I wish I knew what to say to help but I am really the last person on earth to offer relationship advice given my own personal history.  I also wish that the people in your life could appreciate you and treasure you.  You deserve to be loved and treasured!  It is terrible when those closest to us are not grateful and appreciative.

It is so good that you exist in this world and people should see that and feel grateful that you are in their life.  There must be thousands of things to appreciate about you.  Why can't other people think of those things and treasure you? 

I apologize to you for not being able to offer advice.  Hopefully you will get many responses to you post!  My heart goes out to you!    - epictetus

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  • 9 months later...
On 8/29/2019 at 1:39 PM, Nixilou said:

I’ve been with my husband 11 1/2 years and married for 7. Everything was ok till we had our twins 3 1/2 years ago. He tried to avoid coming home and doing jobs for everyone else. 

Recently he has been calling me horrible things in front of his family and calling me fat. He tells all my friends they r beautiful and gorgeous but not me. He makes me feel worthless.

i have had countless conversations with him but it always goes back to normal. He is trying at the minute but I don’t want to hug or kiss him any more. I know he hasn’t cheated. 

As much as I try I can’t get over feeling worthless. I am already depressed and have anxiety issues which are not helping.

i don’t know what to do. The only place I am truly happy is work but I have kids to look after. 

I am trying to loose weight to feel better about myself. I have tried to be a good wife and cook meals, make sure the house is clean etc but I don’t feel close to him anymore and I can’t get over how he’s made me feel. 

Do I stay or do I go? I don’t know how to be happy with him any more. Please help

I think you should address the issue with him, be honest and tell him what you expect from him and ask him what he expects of you. 

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