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The Post Anything Thread #4


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2 hours ago, Nightjar said:

I just don't want to do anything today. I will. Just don't want to. I overdid it yesterday.  It's never a good idea. I crash and burn aftewards.  

I don't want to do anything today either but I'll end up doing whatever my mind wants.  I might as well just drink more coffee and strap in for the ride because I'm going whether I want to or not.

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12 minutes ago, watalife said:

@sober4life me too. If I sit i go crazy, if I go people drive me crazy.  But then it's back to okay when it's over. 

I know how you feel.  There is no safe place but it's an endless game of I have to get out of here and I have to get back to the house anyway.  Here I'm sitting thinking of taking down another dead tree in my yard by myself and we know how that will probably go.

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On 1/20/2020 at 4:53 AM, sober4life said:

My neighbor didn't even let the cows go in the barn last night.  Now they're all laying outside covered in snow begging to go inside.  God I hate this world! 

That is absolute animal abuse!  Can you go over there and tell the neighbor his/her cows want in the barn?  

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49 minutes ago, SoulSurvivor said:

That is absolute animal abuse!  Can you go over there and tell the neighbor his/her cows want in the barn?  

He finally let them in.  My opinion is it's stupid to block them from the barn ever really but they are put out in the field during the day and the farmer leaves all day and shows up when it's almost dark some days and he's too lazy to open the gate so they can come inside.  There are some days I go to bed at 11 oclock and hear them mooing wanting to be let in the barn.  Anyway their whole life is abuse in my opinion.  I base a lot of my views about god and the world in general by looking out the window and seeing what their life is.  It makes me angry every morning.

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I am in recovery now from anxiety and depression.  On the other hand I've experienced what I would call mild, moderate and severe depression.   And the memories of those are vivid and still painful to me. 

I was once in a psychiatric hospital for depression and anxiety.  When I was in a severe depression I couldn't see any light anywhere and even believed that light didn't exist.  Medication and therapy helped me. 

Way in the back of my mind is the thought that I could become severely depressed again and go through the whole nightmare or worse. 

I need to avoid spouting platitudes to those who are suffering which is worse than silence, at least in my limited experience.

Lately I feel reduced to saying "sorry", "heartbreaking" "my heart goes out to you."  Those are cliches I've learned and I try to put all that I am feeling into those cliches but how flimsy those words and expressions are, like a house of cards that any breeze will topple over.

How does one console someone who is inconsolable? 

When I was little and asked someone to walk me home at night because I was afraid of the dark, I was unhelped by their "explanations" of why the dark wasn't dangerous.  I wanted them to go with me into the dark and hold my hand.

I know people with treatment resistant depression and some where absolutely nothing so far has worked for them.  I can only "imagine" what they are going through and cannot know it since I have never been there.  At the same time I have to keep in mind that I could be there some day. 

Medication helped me, almost miraculously,  but I "know" it hasn't helped everyone.  Therapy helped me but I "know" it hasn't helped everyone.  

When I first joined these Forums I wrote long responses to people's posts.  Every year now my responses get shorter and shorter and I usually regret long writings I post.  There is always a smugness and holier-than-thou attitude in them, overtly or covertly. 

I remember being in the psychiatric hospital and how hurtful it was when people offered me advice.  May I never forget that!

Can someone in recovery really understand what someone who isn't is going through?  Can someone in recovery understand what someone who has never experienced recovery is going through?

I need to be careful of what I say to those who I meet as I am ascending the ladder because those are the same people I will meet as I'm falling down the ladder.  I am ascending now but could easily fall again.  May I never forget it!

I wish to apologize to anyone who I have left feeling worse than they did after encountering me here on the Forums.

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13 hours ago, Epictetus said:

Lately I feel reduced to saying "sorry", "heartbreaking" "my heart goes out to you." 

I say sorry to people too. I think there are two ways to say sorry. One is from the ego which can make the other feel 'less than' and the other is from the heart which makes people feel that you understand. I've always had the sense that yours is the latter. 

Maybe it's not what you say but how you say it? I can't imagine that anyone would feel 'less than' when you reply to their posts; your writing is so heartfelt and it seems pretty obvious to me that you care and want to help. 

OK, we can't heal people with our words a lot of the time but when you reply you show that you care and are listening.

You more than anyone epic, reach out to the newbies who haven't found their little clique here yet, you make them feel welcome and heard and you let them know that you care about their suffering. 

I know that you were there for me from the start, quietly offering your compassion. There is something almost saintlike about you Epictetus. Isn't it the way with the saintly that they will expect to offer nothing less than perfect love? I dont believe this will go to your head because I don't believe you are ego driven. I think you have risen above that. 

It's beautiful that you've risen above. I wish for you to keep on rising. I'm so glad that I've come to realise what a kind, compassionate and beautiful soul you are. Kindness can get swamped in the noise unless you are careful to look for it.

 

 

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On 1/16/2020 at 8:29 AM, sober4life said:

I don't want to do anything today either but I'll end up doing whatever my mind wants.  I might as well just drink more coffee and strap in for the ride because I'm going whether I want to or not.

Oh my goodness,  this is my head also 😮😔

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i seem to be on a better path right now than i have for a long time which is good because it gives me the strength to do the things i have wanted to and needed to for a long time, but, i also feel as if i am forgetting some who have helped me get to this point, like you all here by not coming around that much, i try to tell myself it's because i have been busy getting on with a life but i really don't believe that

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