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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #11

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I'm very sorry, @PraiseBrownies. As others have said, this may end up being a very good thing for you in the long run. I know it doesn't feel like it right now though. Sounds like your fiance was mixed up at best...and didn't appreciate you as he should have. That's my diagnosis from a distance, anyway... Best wishes to you.

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2 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I'm very sorry, @PraiseBrownies. As others have said, this may end up being a very good thing for you in the long run. I know it doesn't feel like it right now though. Sounds like your fiance was mixed up at best...and didn't appreciate you as he should have. That's my diagnosis from a distance, anyway... Best wishes to you.

I'm a tell it like it is person and everything @PraiseBrownies has said about him he was abusive towards her and neglectful and it seemed like she had to change everything about herself to please him and he still wasn't satisfied.  She's a wonderful person and everything she has had to go through with her parents and her fiance makes me angry!

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10 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm a tell it like it is person and everything @PraiseBrownies has said about him he was abusive towards her and neglectful and it seemed like she had to change everything about herself to please him and he still wasn't satisfied.  She's a wonderful person and everything she has had to go through with her parents and her fiance makes me angry!

Yes. Exactly. Thank you for posting that. Your are 100% correct.

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

At a reunion they don't ask me questions.   There have been times I've gone to family reunions without saying a word to them the whole time.  They don't care how I'm doing.  They will make me feel guilty if I don't show up.  This year at 40 was the first time I even hugged grandma and she has never told me she loved me ever.  This is how a lot of my family is.  People don't even know we're related unless we mention it. 

I think many relatives are nosy just like many people in our lives in general.. I try to stay away from those type of people because if I don't feel like I trust the person (and I don't trust easily) I will not open up about my problems or my life. And I can agree and relate to what you said in another post, I like people to be honest and straight with me, not act like they care just to get news about my life to gossip. If it adds more stress to you by going, I would say don't bother going , or just go for 1-2 hours and then say you have somewhere else to go.  There's no reason to feel guilty about not going if you won't have a good time. It's your life.

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I'm in constant emotional pain.  I never feel happy or even content.  I'm always restless and miserable and I hate every moment of this life.  That's pretty much been the theme every day so far.

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4 hours ago, JD4010 said:

didn't appreciate you as he should have.

Yeah, you're right. I'm not the best person in the world and I have my fair share of flaws but I tried my hardest and never stopped loving. That's deserving of some appreciation. 

4 hours ago, sober4life said:

she had to change everything about herself to please him and he still wasn't satisfied

Funny, that's what i was told but reversed (he had to change for me). I'm not sure what's the truth. Since we got together we both improved and changed- his mental illness practically disappeared over the months and I learned to have hope for something and to think more positively. 

4 hours ago, sober4life said:

everything she has had to go through with her parents and her fiance makes me angry!

I know I'm the person in question but I wanna be angry too but that's just how it is, it's a waste of my time and energy to be resentful when I have so much ahead of me. I mean, I'm just 17. I have college and a career to begin, I have plenty of relationship options (and if i dont get a wife or husband I'm okay too, I'd prolly still adopt kids and have a full happy household) and I don't have the energy to be angry anymore. 

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8 minutes ago, PraiseBrownies said:

I know I'm the person in question but I wanna be angry too but that's just how it is, it's a waste of my time and energy to be resentful when I have so much ahead of me. I mean, I'm just 17. I have college and a career to begin, I have plenty of relationship options (and if i dont get a wife or husband I'm okay too, I'd prolly still adopt kids and have a full happy household) and I don't have the energy to be angry anymore. 

I'm very proud of you for this post.  This is probably the best thing I've seen you post so far.

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It’s obviously getting late, and I have to admit that I’m glad about that. I’ll be crashing pretty soon.  That’s a good thing.

But yeah, depressed a decent bit & anxious as well.  Not off the charts but it’s there.  Nothing really new.

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On 12/5/2019 at 8:34 PM, bbwolf said:

i dont want to feel anything,  in may a friend of 30+ years had moved back home almost, the next town over, she was basically running from her exhusband, we finally decided after 6 months of talking daily, to start dating, then she kinda disappears a couple days, i then find out her ex found her and killed her in a M*****/suicide

Wolf - I don't even have the words. It is hard to imagine anything more upsetting. You don't deserve this.

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1 hour ago, Tilted said:

Wolf - I don't even have the words. It is hard to imagine anything more upsetting. You don't deserve this.

I’m so sorry to hear this my friend.  I will be lifting you and all of her family and friends up in my prayers.  Hang in there  and this to will pass 

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20 hours ago, duck said:

Are you ready for Christmas?  🙂

Nope.. I hate Christmas.  because there were always arguments or hurt feelings when I was growing up. Its going to be more difficult for me this year, since my daughter left. We always made cookies, and prepped for dinner with the family. 

My therapist asked if I had a plan of what I would do when I became overwhelmed or just ready to head for the hole of hell. 

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25 minutes ago, nojoy said:

Nope.. I hate Christmas.  because there were always arguments or hurt feelings when I was growing up. Its going to be more difficult for me this year, since my daughter left. We always made cookies, and prepped for dinner with the family. 

My therapist asked if I had a plan of what I would do when I became overwhelmed or just ready to head for the hole of hell. 

it got so bad for me that i just got to one of the restaurants for thanksgiving and Christmas, luckily more resturants stay open on holidays now sometimes i run into someone i know sometimes im alone

 

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1 hour ago, bbwolf said:

it got so bad for me that i just got to one of the restaurants for thanksgiving and Christmas, luckily more resturants stay open on holidays now sometimes i run into someone i know sometimes im alone

 

I hear ya. I head for a nearby truck stop that has delicious food. Plus I get to look at all the trucks in the parking area.

I'll be taking care of daughter's (and ex's) cats during Christmas...meaning I will be in my former house (that I'm still on the hook for the mortgage). My life is nothing if not weird.

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The people in real life have pretty much finished me off.  You should be able to say they helped me through the hardest times of my life and I'm much stronger because of it but that's not how it is.  They've pushed me over the edge over and over making sure I've lost what little hope and mind I had left is the truth.

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3 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I hear ya. I head for a nearby truck stop that has delicious food. Plus I get to look at all the trucks in the parking area.

I'll be taking care of daughter's (and ex's) cats during Christmas...meaning I will be in my former house (that I'm still on the hook for the mortgage). My life is nothing if not weird.

im on half of a morgage for a house i dont live in, own half a house and on the edge of homelessness 

 

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7 hours ago, Tilted said:

Wolf - I don't even have the words. It is hard to imagine anything more upsetting. You don't deserve this.

theres really nothing to say?

 

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3 hours ago, DragonBallZ1995 said:

I want to ask I have mood swings what does that mean

Typically, it indicates moods that can quickly go from good to bad without much reason.  Up & down, back & forth.  Unpredictable.

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2 hours ago, bbwolf said:

im on half of a morgage for a house i dont live in, own half a house and on the edge of homelessness 

 

Sorry my friend. I kinda understand.  I'm on half the mortgage for the house where my ex and daughter still live. I live in a dump of an apartment with leaky windows. I never know if I'm going to make rent from one month to the next. I seriously considered moving the cats and myself into the minivan over the summer. It's still a possibility.

 

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