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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #11

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4 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

 

I might be paranoid at the moment, but I CAN trust my inanimate furry friends(we have a few around at home). Haha. 

Guys, you are not alone feeling the way you do. With me though, I realized in my teens that the feeling safe thing was an illusion. We are never safe. 

Sober, you are not a trainwreck. 

You're right we are never safe.  I would love to have children of my own but how could I bring children into this world knowing everything I know?  If everyone knew the truths I knew about the world there would be riots everywhere and the world would be gone by the end of the week.  If people found out how much they have been lied to in their lives it would be every bit as crazy as figuring out the truth about life on other planets.

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23 hours ago, Shy80 said:
On 9/4/2019 at 12:17 PM, MarkintheDark said:

For some reason I can't fathom, haven't yet had a significant anxiety attack today.  In the back of my mind, however, I know how quickly that can change.

Could it be as simple as the fact, for the first time in five days, I'm NOT dealing with a hurricane...and I somehow survived the first of the month.

Well, my anxiety will skyrocket because it's heading to where I live. I'll probably have a full blown panic attack. It's good that you're anxiety is under control. 

I'm on the coast of Virginia and we already have tropical storm warning, tidal flood warning and storm surge warning. Starting to feel the wind increase.

I'm very anxious too. This is the first major storm I have ever been through without a family member.

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16 minutes ago, nojoy said:

I'm on the coast of Virginia and we already have tropical storm warning, tidal flood warning and storm surge warning. Starting to feel the wind increase.

I'm very anxious too. This is the first major storm I have ever been through without a family member.

Thinking and praying for you. 

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1 hour ago, nojoy said:

I'm on the coast of Virginia and we already have tropical storm warning, tidal flood warning and storm surge warning. Starting to feel the wind increase.

I'm very anxious too. This is the first major storm I have ever been through without a family member.

From previous posts, sounds like you've got your preps in order.  For me that's been at least a small step towards reducing anxiety.

fwiw, you've already had a rough week with the start of school.  Point being, if you're at all like me, a stressor unrelated to the storm can ramp things up considerably.  It certainly speaks to my week down here with the damn thing just sitting, churning 40 or so miles off our coast (plus, I'm only 1½ miles from the beach). 

You mentioned family.  However, you keep in touch with neighbors or staff?  I found just briefly stepping out to chat with a neighbor across the street helped to tap things down, if only briefly.  Let us know how you're doin' the next 24. :hugs:

Edited by MarkintheDark

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I'm very tired and worn down to nothing.  I desperately need to rest the whole weekend but I'm not sure I can.  I don't really believe I'm in control at all which makes me wonder how I've made it this far in my sobriety.

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A shut-down-but-not-in-bed kinda day.  Maybe I needed it...idk, particularly the aftermath of my neighbor's departure followed immediately by a storm that sat off our coast for a couple days.  On the anxiety/depression scale - about the only one I have lately - I suppose that today being a mostly depression day has been preferable to the anxiety attacks.

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2 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

From previous posts, sounds like you've got your preps in order.  For me that's been at least a small step towards reducing anxiety.

fwiw, you've already had a rough week with the start of school.  Point being, if you're at all like me, a stressor unrelated to the storm can ramp things up considerably.  It certainly speaks to my week down here with the damn thing just sitting, churning 40 or so miles off our coast (plus, I'm only 1½ miles from the beach). 

You mentioned family.  However, you keep in touch with neighbors or staff?  I found just briefly stepping out to chat with a neighbor across the street helped to tap things down, if only briefly.  Let us know how you're doin' the next 24. :hugs:

Thanks Mark. I don't know if its anxiety or depression that's causing the tears and pain. I live in the house I grew up in and everyone I knew either passed away or moved away.  I don't speak to anyone, I will wave when someone waves to me. And the people I work with, I only interact with them when at work.

The anticipation of waiting for the darn thing to is getting to me. I live about 6 miles from the beach and about a quarter of mile from the Chesapeake bay. The biggest worry I have is 2 very tall and old oak trees in my yard or if the rain comes down so fast the storm drainage system can't handle it.

Thanks for responding and listening. It has helped with the anxiety/depression.

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21 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

 

I'm the same way with stuffed animals.  I recently gave away most of my collection of Gunds from 30+ years ago, but saved three of my smaller friends - teddy bear, rabbit and standard Gund polar bear - who now live on my pillow like a group of little buddies protecting each other.

This might be related but I can't bring myself to get rid of anything that my daughter has given me over the years. Even cheap little plastic figures. I guess they remind me of times when she was younger and I might have been happier. She's turning 25 soon. My ex has none of my sentimentality I guess because she tosses this stuff without a second thought. Being a dad has been one of the few worthwhile things I've done in this pathetic life. 

Edited by JD4010

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9 hours ago, nojoy said:

Thanks Mark. I don't know if its anxiety or depression that's causing the tears and pain. I live in the house I grew up in and everyone I knew either passed away or moved away.  I don't speak to anyone, I will wave when someone waves to me. And the people I work with, I only interact with them when at work.

The anticipation of waiting for the darn thing to is getting to me. I live about 6 miles from the beach and about a quarter of mile from the Chesapeake bay. The biggest worry I have is 2 very tall and old oak trees in my yard or if the rain comes down so fast the storm drainage system can't handle it.

Thanks for responding and listening. It has helped with the anxiety/depression.

How are you doing nojoy?  We are here for you.  :hugs:

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Very rough day so far.  Only a few hours' sleep and continuous anxiety.  Struggled to shower and pull myself together enough to meet with an attorney concerning, for once, my own legals (not my mother's).  I will say that having already fixed her legals last year as she went into decline, I was intimately familiar with the process.  And this attorney's empathetic.  Next meeting with her in a week.  I suppose it's an accomplishment I was able to tap into what little professional demeanor I still have left.

But, throughout, I felt physically weak and occasionally lightheaded.  My physical health has obviously declined.  Some of it was the anxiety, particularly the symptoms I get in my legs.  All I wanted to do was get home and to bed, but felt at least a veggie-loaded Subway sammy was necessary to at least get some healthy food in me.

I've often mentioned an old tool from my 12-steps days, the HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired).  Waiting at a light, I realized I was running just about all of 'em.  And I AM going to bed now.

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it's been rough. My emotions are all over the place. I need to get them under control because at the moment i am letting them control me, control my life and my actions. I increased the dose of fluox today, I'm hoping that it will help me cope better. Starting university in three weeks, absolutely terrified and i have no idea what to do with myself in this time in-between. I just wish i had a friend my age who could comfort me, i don't know anyone going through the same thing as me right now.

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21 hours ago, duck said:

I just woke up at 2pm. I am so exhausted I am falling asleep sitting in my living room.  I am trying to sip some regular coffee.  I did not have the energy to brush my teeth.  

i hear you. i get like that some days, but make sure you push yourself to brush your teeth. dealing with dentists cost a fortune..many people leave the country and go to other cheap places to get their teeth fixed  because its so expensive here in the US

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