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How Do You Feel Right Now #11


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Tonight I’m anxious.  Significantly. Went out for a couple of walks but wasn’t out for too long either time. Hyperventilating, felt like I couldn’t quite catch my breath.  Couldn’t wait to get back.  When I got back and sat down it finally felt like I could breathe again.  So, yeah.  That’s not good.

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6 minutes ago, adamrparr said:

Tonight I’m anxious.  Significantly. Went out for a couple of walks but wasn’t out for too long either time. Hyperventilating, felt like I couldn’t quite catch my breath.  Couldn’t wait to get back.  When I got back and sat down it finally felt like I could breathe again.  So, yeah.  That’s not good.

I feel that way a lot.  I have to get out of here but once I'm out I have to get back.  It's very hard to deal with anxiety because often times our mind wants us to do things to relieve the anxiety but the things it wants us to do cause more stress in the long run.  The exercise from walking feels good but then we come across people or come across something that brings back bad memories or get lost in our heads and go to dark places.

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23 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I feel that way a lot.  I have to get out of here but once I'm out I have to get back.  It's very hard to deal with anxiety because often times our mind wants us to do things to relieve the anxiety but the things it wants us to do cause more stress in the long run.  The exercise from walking feels good but then we come across people or come across something that brings back bad memories or get lost in our heads and go to dark places.

Absolutely.  Every bit of that is true.  And I very much relate to doing things to get relief now causing more trouble in the long run.  I’ve been doing some of that.  Doesn’t feel good.

Edited by adamrparr
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My boss lied straight to my face today. He lied about another colleague's success with his client, and totally exaggerated the data. I checked the data myself, and it didn't tell the same story or numbers. Not sure what that's about or what my boss is trying to achieve by lying? My husband says it's to "put me in my place". I think it's to try and make me feel threatened and insecure. It could be both. Either way, he's a freaking lying sack of you know what. 

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I also learned that our "Manager" who is above me yet who has far fewer years of experience, gave me and therefore my client, BAD advice and guidance. He made a recommendation for my client, I disagreed and thought it should be something different, yet I deferred to my superior thinking perhaps he knows best, especially since it's technical and I am not that great at the technical. Well, it turns out (after I provided his recommendation to my client) that it made their web traffic go down much farther. So I intervened today with my client, asked them to reverse what had been done, explaining it in a diplomatic way and offered an alternative solution to the problem. I am waiting to hear back from my client, but my boss is now worried it will jeopardize their trust in me. I told my boss directly that it was my colleague's recommendation, not mine. If I am ever questioned by anyone else above, I am going to tell them the flat out truth. We have freaking bad leaders.... that's for sure. I should be leading our team, not them. 

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8 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

My boss lied straight to my face today. He lied about another colleague's success with his client, and totally exaggerated the data. I checked the data myself, and it didn't tell the same story or numbers. Not sure what that's about or what my boss is trying to achieve by lying? My husband says it's to "put me in my place". I think it's to try and make me feel threatened and insecure. It could be both. Either way, he's a freaking lying sack of you know what. 

He's probably just a pathological liar.  He's the type that says whatever he has to say at the time to get through life.

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8 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

 

But why would he lie to me about my colleague's accomplishments? 

He probably didn't think you would check to see if he was telling the truth.  He wants you to think the colleague is as good as you are or better I guess.

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12 minutes ago, sober4life said:

He probably didn't think you would check to see if he was telling the truth.  He wants you to think the colleague is as good as you are or better I guess.

Yeah, probably so that I don't have the confidence to ask the CEO for a promotion!!!! 

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Well today could have been better called dhs to see if there’s any problems but they couldn’t help me 😞 but am getting the paperwork that I need sent to me I should get it in a few days 😞 am so worried and scard the what if’s are getting to me and the hole idea of never getting to see my kids is ******* I just want to drink away my problems but that wouldn’t help tryed to talk to a friend last night but he didn’t understand how bad this could up being 😞 and he was drunk I don’t have much friends but the one I thought would understand didn’t and he also knows I don’t want to talk to him when he’s drinking he also knows I also have a problem with it nice right not 😞 

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Hi everyone! I'm sorry I have been MIA. I have and still dealing with my mom's death. Right now, I feel like I don't care about how others feel about me. I am trying to live day by day and my mother and dad's side of the family, except my dad's sister don't even see how we're doing. The only way they'll speak to me anyways, if I call them first.

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59 minutes ago, Devlinkyla said:

Well today could have been better called dhs to see if there’s any problems but they couldn’t help me 😞 but am getting the paperwork that I need sent to me I should get it in a few days 😞 am so worried and scard the what if’s are getting to me and the hole idea of never getting to see my kids is ******* I just want to drink away my problems but that wouldn’t help tryed to talk to a friend last night but he didn’t understand how bad this could up being 😞 and he was drunk I don’t have much friends but the one I thought would understand didn’t and he also knows I don’t want to talk to him when he’s drinking he also knows I also have a problem with it nice right not 😞 

It is hard to keep things at "I do not know."  I can catastrophize a bit myself.  I hope that things work out.

Right now:  A bit brash and lonely. 

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47 minutes ago, Shy80 said:

Hi everyone! I'm sorry I have been MIA. I have and still dealing with my mom's death. Right now, I feel like I don't care about how others feel about me. I am trying to live day by day and my mother and dad's side of the family, except my dad's sister don't even see how we're doing. The only way they'll speak to me anyways, if I call them first.

I know how you feel.  Dealing with mom's death has destroyed me.  I know how you feel about family too.  Family and friends all head for the hills and abandon us when we need them.  It's sickening how uncaring the entire world is!  You're on your own in this world no matter what happens.  I certainly can't live the rest of my life this way.

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4 hours ago, Rattler6 said:

It is hard to keep things at "I do not know."  I can catastrophize a bit myself.  I hope that things work out.

Right now:  A bit brash and lonely. 

I am feeling the same.

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I am trying to find coping mechanisms to help me get through my awful job. It's SO hard. Every day I want to call in sick. My husband is very supportive, but he has his own stresses at work so I try not to burden him with mine. 

I am now praying that my boss gets fired.

Yesterday, on top of lying to me, he was of no help to me with defining the next steps with one of my clients, and I'm giving an in-person presentation to them on Friday. I swear, I feel like he wants to see me fall on my face and fail. I think it drives him NUTS that I am so successful in my role. I asked him for advice, and he just shrugged his shoulders. I bet he could care less if we lost one of my clients, then he could blame ME for it to the CEO and gloat about it. This is just what I suspect is happening, given all of the events that have occurred. 

Months ago when I told him I felt I had lost my passion, he just smirked at me. Then he told the CEO this, and that's what almost got me fired. Lesson learned. Don't confide in your snake of a boss. I learned that the very moment I said it and when I saw and read into his smirk. He was glad to hear it!  What a class-act he is. 

So it's survival mode right now. He is of NO help to me and I have to figure things out for myself. That is fine, but it just goes to show he is a TOTAL waste of space. 

 

Edited by RiverLight
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I'm alive! 

Life's been messy but I'm happier. My fiance's stepfather is pretty fantastic and has made my adjustment a lot easier. I'm tired but I'm doing well.

However, I now understand why disliking your in-laws is so common.  It feels mean to say but I can't stand my fiance's father. He reminds me of my parents in every bad way. 

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10 minutes ago, Devlinkyla said:

Well still not doing to well but then agin it’s not as bad as it could be but also still don’t know for sure how bad it is if it’s as bad as I think it could be am going to leave df

Holy smokes.  I sure don’t like the sound of that.  I really hope you don’t leave.

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