Jump to content
20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #11

Recommended Posts

I have been anxious all day, like waiting for something to happen. Of course, there are changes this last week and this week. I hate changes. But I survived the first day of preschool with a new group of 3 year olds and even got the difficult ones to take a nap. Unfortunately I have to go back there tomorrow.🥴

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

And you just nailed hopelessness, JD.  Most people I guess don't get it.  When we get a crumb of something good, only to be smacked down again, harder, who wouldn't just give up?  Wonder why I don't get excited about something good coming my way?  The answer is in my experience.  It's certainly not that I'm ungrateful.  I am grateful.  I've just learned it's so short-lived that any acknowledgement is like waving a red cape in front of a bull.

"Learned helplessness". I saw an example of it back in some college psychology class. They trained rats to press a lever to avoid an electrical shock zapped through the floor grid of a cage. The rats got really good at it quickly. Then the experimenters started administering shocks randomly. The rats would furiously push the lever in the hope of avoiding shocks, but after awhile, they just gave up and cowered in the corner.

They realized that they'd get shocked no matter what they did. I can relate.

Edited by JD4010

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, sober4life said:

Yeah I'm like Al Bundy where he thinks there's a Bundy curse.  He was actually afraid when good things happened because he knew it meant bad things had to happen too.

So accurate. Whenever a bunch of good things happen I think "Wait, when will the bad thing happen to balance this out?" You all hit the nail on the head.

Edited by evalynn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, JD4010 said:

"Learned helplessness". I saw an example of it back in some college psychology class. They trained rats to press a lever to avoid an electrical shock zapped through the floor grid of a cage. The rats got really good at it quickly. Then the experimenters started administering shocks randomly. The rats would furiously push the lever in the hope of avoiding shocks, but after awhile, they just gave up and cowered in the corner.

They realized that they'd get shocked no matter what they did. I can relate.

My god, what a horrible experiment.  I know it's in the spirit of learning valuable information about us, but the truth is those rats didn't deserve that, and neither do we!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

My god, what a horrible experiment.  I know it's in the spirit of learning valuable information about us, but the truth is those rats didn't deserve that, and neither do we!!!

It's worse than you think. As I recall, they were dogs, not rats, and they didn't have levers to press. They were harnessed in place so they could not move off the electrode. After a while, the harnesses were removed but the dogs put up with the shocks because they had learned they could do nothing about it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I practiced piano earlier today at the college where I just got a gig accompanying the choir class. Since I don't have a keyboard or an actual place to live (they don't know that yet!), the school is letting me come in to practice once or twice a week. It was a very musty studio with fairly ancient instruments, but gave me something to concentrate on aside from my woes. However, when the two hours were up, the depression hit me like a wall. A huge wall of hopelessness and helplessness and worthlessness, just like the textbooks say. The perfect mood to fight rush hour traffic back to my motel in an industrial district.

However, the itsy bitsy teeny weeny good news is that I am starting to pull out of the afternoon depression. I have a chicken pot pie heating in the microwave and my appetite is peaking. So I persist to exist.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

My god, what a horrible experiment.  I know it's in the spirit of learning valuable information about us, but the truth is those rats didn't deserve that, and neither do we!!!

Get used to it. This is a horrible world that we live in. **** like this is normal in this reality

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For some reason I can't fathom, haven't yet had a significant anxiety attack today.  In the back of my mind, however, I know how quickly that can change.

Could it be as simple as the fact, for the first time in five days, I'm NOT dealing with a hurricane...and I somehow survived the first of the month.

Edited by MarkintheDark

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, iWantRope said:

Get used to it. This is a horrible world that we live in. **** like this is normal in this reality

They try to make us think there is a greater good in this world.  There isn't.  The world is run by evil monsters that are capable of anything.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel a bit better today. One of my mom's friends told me that my ma told her some things before she died. I cried and cried. I think I was holding in a lot of my pain or grief. The things that my mom told her were all good things. One thing she told me that my mom told her that she wasn't afraid to die. That was eating at me for so long. I always wondered if my mom was afraid to die. I didn't want to be afraid. She told me other things as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

For some reason I can't fathom, haven't yet had a significant anxiety attack today.  In the back of my mind, however, I know how quickly that can change.

Could it be as simple as the fact, for the first time in five days, I'm NOT dealing with a hurricane...and I somehow survived the first of the month.

Well, my anxiety will skyrocket because it's heading to where I live. I'll probably have a full blown panic attack. It's good that you're anxiety is under control. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Shy80 said:

Well, my anxiety will skyrocket because it's heading to where I live. I'll probably have a full blown panic attack. It's good that you're anxiety is under control. 

I wouldn't say it was under control.  More like a temporary reprieve, and it was.  But believe me, I can understand exactly where you're coming from, particularly if you've lived through one of these.  I hope you have friends to support you. :hugs:

Best thing I've found after 40 years of 'em is to educate myself about 'em.  Point being to know what's hype and what's not.  And I know what to do with my own preps.  I TRY to avoid the news...not always particularly good with that.  My problem has been when the electric goes out.  Without the a/c, my health problems get worse and I shut down completely.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm looking at my coffee cup that has Santa, Rudolf and Frosty the Snowman hugging each other.  Looking at that cup is making me cry.  That's how much of a train wreck I am.

Let me reassure you that at least you have company on this count.  Whether the cartoon characters or even the cup itself (I still have Dad's favorite coffee cups which both he and I used 35-40 years ago), they'll bring up waves of grief over times in which I felt safe and loved...and knowing I'll never have those feelings again.

I'm the same way with stuffed animals.  I recently gave away most of my collection of Gunds from 30+ years ago, but saved three of my smaller friends - teddy bear, rabbit and standard Gund polar bear - who now live on my pillow like a group of little buddies protecting each other.

Edited by MarkintheDark

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Paranoid. I have given too much information of myself here and elsewhere. I don'y trust anyone. Is my wife having an affair?

I have little trust in people even on good days.

People don't understand. People aren't worthy of trust, not because they are necessarily inherently bad, but because they don't/can't/won't understand.

Edited by samadhiSheol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm looking at my coffee cup that has Santa, Rudolf and Frosty the Snowman hugging each other.  Looking at that cup is making me cry.  That's how much of a train wreck I am.

 

4 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

Let me reassure you that at least you have company on this count.  Whether the cartoon characters or even the cup itself (I still have Dad's favorite coffee cups which both he and I used 35-40 years ago), they'll bring up waves of grief over times in which I felt safe and loved...and knowing I'll never have those feelings again.

I'm the same way with stuffed animals.  I recently gave away most of my collection of Gunds from 30+ years ago, but saved three of my smaller friends - teddy bear, rabbit and standard Gund polar bear - who now live on my pillow like a group of little buddies protecting each other.

I might be paranoid at the moment, but I CAN trust my inanimate furry friends(we have a few around at home). Haha. 

Guys, you are not alone feeling the way you do. With me though, I realized in my teens that the feeling safe thing was an illusion. We are never safe. 

Sober, you are not a trainwreck. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/3/2019 at 4:51 PM, JD4010 said:

"Learned helplessness". I saw an example of it back in some college psychology class. They trained rats to press a lever to avoid an electrical shock zapped through the floor grid of a cage. The rats got really good at it quickly. Then the experimenters started administering shocks randomly. The rats would furiously push the lever in the hope of avoiding shocks, but after awhile, they just gave up and cowered in the corner.

They realized that they'd get shocked no matter what they did. I can relate.

I can also relate. I guess it's like I just gave up.  Nowhere to go and no end insight? Feeling hopeless and helpless?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...