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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #11

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5 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm thinking about getting a dog.  Probably a small dog.  I've wanted to get a dog ever since I saw the white Chihuahua.  Then I saw the pocket beagle thanks to @evalynn.  I would love to have a dog like that.  My last dog was a beagle and he was the perfect pet.  

That sounds awesome Sober.  Sounds like a very good idea.  I’m sure that would be a very welcome change.

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20 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

i got out today which was cool, but it still stinks seeing people happy and i can't have that happiness, it's so cruel

I know that feeling really well.  It makes me feel like I’m on another planet, or living in some kind of a crazy simulation.  Nothing around me seems very real.  A really bizarre, surreal feeling.

Another part of that that’s really strange.  When I’m feeling like that, it’s almost impossible to imagine feeling any other way.  By the same token, when I feel good, it’s extremely difficult for me to clearly remember exactly how bad it feels when depressed.

Not sure if any of that made any sense.

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Today I’m doing ok.  Better than I felt yesterday.  I effectively stuck to my guns and got up when I intended to today.  My psyche really needed that.  I’m grateful that I gave myself a full day to go through today.  Yesterday I unintentionally slept almost entire day away, and I felt awful as a result.

It’s Sunday, and that usually means a somewhat depressed mood, but that’s not going on in a strong way today, which is great.

On the other hand, it’s getting dark an hour earlier & I’m not at all a fan of that.  But it is what it is so I’ll try to make the best of it.

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32 minutes ago, adamrparr said:

Extremely grateful for friends on here.  They’ve been making my days much brighter.

Yeah the people here saved my life that's for sure.  My mind wants to do nothing but take me to dark places.  This place helps remind me of the light side of life.  Without this place darkness and death would have taken me many years ago.

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Yeah.  It has certainly been a very safe, helpful place for me too.  So grateful for it.  This last week has definitely been one of those times when it’s been a huge blessing.  It’s helped me remain just a little sane.  I’ve been on here a ton but my head has really needed it.

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Used the day/time change for an almost complete shutdown.  Cloudy with occasional showers blowing through, so I didn't feel too badly about it.  Mostly slept it away, 'cept a few hours' consciousness here and there.  Didn't feel like fighting my own medical issues plus my head.

Have my monthly blood draw/injections first thing Monday morning anyway...and it's with an NP I've had for eight years.

Edited by MarkintheDark

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I've been working hard on myself and trying to fix my life over this "vacation".  It's going to be a very hard week but I'm going to make sure I'm at my best so I can handle it.  I'm in a lot better shape than I was on Tuesday that's for sure.

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14 minutes ago, MarkintheDark said:

Used the day/time change for an almost complete shutdown.  Cloudy with occasional showers blowing through, so I didn't feel too badly about it.  Mostly slept it away, 'cept a few hours' consciousness here and there.  Didn't feel like fighting my own medical issues plus my head.

Have my monthly blood draw/injections first thing Monday morning anyway...and it's with an NP I've had for eight years.

Yeah, we all need that completely down day sometimes.  I’m glad that yours shaped up that way.

Well, hopefully the blood draw/injections will go pretty well since you’ve known this one for so long.  That’s always nicer than a strange place with someone new.

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5 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I've been working hard on myself and trying to fix my life over this "vacation".  It's going to be a very hard week but I'm going to make sure I'm at my best so I can handle it.  I'm in a lot better shape than I was on Tuesday that's for sure.

I know you set out to do a lot for yourself this week.  Sounds like you’ve done pretty well, yeah?

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22 minutes ago, adamrparr said:

I know you set out to do a lot for yourself this week.  Sounds like you’ve done pretty well, yeah?

The biggest thing I did was work off getting the trees cut down around my yard so I don't have to worry about that anymore.  I wish I could come up with some way to get my car fixed without having to pay money.  There's always a way I just have to think of it.

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Just watching some tv, waiting for the clock to tick a little more.  Still a little anxious with mild depression.  No news there.  But it could certainly be a lot worse.  I’m not in that paralyzed place, at the very least.

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7 hours ago, adamrparr said:

I know that feeling really well.  It makes me feel like I’m on another planet, or living in some kind of a crazy simulation.  Nothing around me seems very real.  A really bizarre, surreal feeling.

Another part of that that’s really strange.  When I’m feeling like that, it’s almost impossible to imagine feeling any other way.  By the same token, when I feel good, it’s extremely difficult for me to clearly remember exactly how bad it feels when depressed.

Not sure if any of that made any sense.

It makes perfect sense to me. I know the feeling(s) well, and they're baffling. It's like the amnesia women suffer about giving birth that allows them to want multiple children, I guess. But with an inverted version when you feel bad, which is, in that analogy, like giving birth forever???

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1 hour ago, MarkintheDark said:

Used the day/time change for an almost complete shutdown.  Cloudy with occasional showers blowing through, so I didn't feel too badly about it.  Mostly slept it away, 'cept a few hours' consciousness here and there.  Didn't feel like fighting my own medical issues plus my head.

Have my monthly blood draw/injections first thing Monday morning anyway...and it's with an NP I've had for eight years.

Yeah, I find that approach can really help with time changes. It just makes the transition smoother in regard to physical and mental health. I didn't realize it had already been a month since your last injections, though ... that sucks. 🙁

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12 minutes ago, MargotMontage said:

It makes perfect sense to me. I know the feeling(s) well, and they're baffling. It's like the amnesia women suffer about giving birth that allows them to want multiple children, I guess. But with an inverted version when you feel bad, which is, in that analogy, like giving birth forever???

Lol.  That is EXACTLY what it feels like, when you describe it that way.  Makes perfect sense.

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@MarkintheDark,

Yeah man.  I didn’t realize that it had been that long since the last Monday you went in for those things.  Doesn’t seem like it’s been a month.  Shows what I know.  (Or shows what my perception can be like sometimes.)

Hang in there, my man.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

The biggest thing I did was work off getting the trees cut down around my yard so I don't have to worry about that anymore.  I wish I could come up with some way to get my car fixed without having to pay money.  There's always a way I just have to think of it.

Well done with the trees! That's not a small thing to sort out, so you did good!

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