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How Do You Feel Right Now #11


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7 hours ago, RiverLight said:

...and now I owe them back the $450 refund they gave me in May PLUS another $400. I can't even believe it..... the only silver lining is at least I had the $450 refund when I really needed it for the honeymoon. 

 

The system is set up to benefit the insurance execs and stockholders, not victims...er, I mean patients of the current system. It's ridiculous. So much of the rest of the world can make things work well, but not here in the greed-infested US.

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Kinda numb.  Slept pretty well, but too long.  I have a few things to today but honestly, I know that I’m not going to be all that productive. I do need to get those few simple things done though.  Inquiring about a few product returns, call in meds refills, text my roommate about this situation, and begin the process for filing for unemployment.

Ah yes, folks.  I got laid off.  More later.

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

I've tried to take a vacation a few times now.  Having a broken down car that I can't get fixed for a week has forced me to take that vacation.  I don't feel bad though.  I feel good surprisingly.  I have a plan and I'm sticking to it.  What will happen?  I don't know.  I'm putting full focus into self care this week and I'm putting everything else out of my mind until I find out what is wrong with my car.  The truth I think my car issues aren't anywhere near as bad as I thought but I don't know anything about cars.  The truth also is the car I'm driving isn't even worth the $300 the new windshield would cost.  Chances are I'll be getting a different car on Tuesday.

Sober, just reading that is inspiring.  I needed that today.  I needed help sticking to my plan.  I’m going to do just that & have results to report later, as opposed to a confession of procrastination.

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Might as well lay it out here that the past few hours have been hell.  Oh, I shaved and put on my "public" face/personality for dealing with people - including the owner of an iffy apartment - and it fooled everyone.  But as soon as I got back in the car every time, it was all I could do to keep from crying from the anxiety, leg pains, and even feeling like I was gonna pass out.  God, I wish the world would just leave me the eff alone.

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2 minutes ago, adamrparr said:

@MarkintheDark,

Oh man, I’m sorry my friend.  This stuff just doesn’t let go, does it?  Are you at least headed home?  You need a break.

I'm safely back home now and trying to eat a little.  This is one of those "moment" days.  TY.  Maybe I'll be able to have a cry now...

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Even if I got out of depression it's bad beacuse my mom says that If I get married i shouldn't tell my wife about depression I should work a lot for hours and plus she says I should alone work for my family a lot I also should take care of my parents and work she also says that if I don't get married my life will be bad at my old age plus someone or other been jealous of me or my skills

 

If I had a sibling he or she would take care of almost everything

Life's been lot of pressure 😢

Edited by DragonBallZ1995
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Well, I began the unemployment claim, which will be finished tomorrow.  I also began about $600 of product returns, which will be packaged & shipped by Friday.  I also called in my meds refills and scheduled pickup of them for tomorrow.  So there’s that.

I know they’re only small things, but they’re important.  Also, it’s just as important that I keep working the plan, little by little each day.

The remainder of the day will not be overly productive, but I’ve done what I set out to do, however small, and have a plan in place for tomorrow as well.  A little more aggressive than today, but still reasonable.

Damned near forgot to take my meds.

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2 minutes ago, DragonBallZ1995 said:

Even if I got out of depression it's bad beacuse my mom says that If I get married i shouldn't tell my wife about depression I should work a lot for hours and plus she says I should alone work for my family a lot I also should take care of my parents and work
If I had a sibling he or she would take care of almost everything

Life's been lot of pressure 😢

Filled with pressure.  Very glad to see you here.  How is the day going for you today?

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7 minutes ago, DragonBallZ1995 said:

Too good for today too bad for tomorrow I guess

I do get it.  Today’s not the worst day for me, but I’ve had much better.  Stick around & let us know how your day goes.

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

The system is set up to benefit the insurance execs and stockholders, not victims...er, I mean patients of the current system. It's ridiculous. So much of the rest of the world can make things work well, but not here in the greed-infested US.

Agreed. It’s pretty pathetic.. 

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A regular day with anxiety, low mood and my mind receiving spam from itself. Visions of self harm are with me all the time. I'm not going to make them real, though. I literally get  nausea from being myself, feels really bad, how do I escape? Took the meds already, feeling somewhat numb and sleepy, but not enough to fall asleep yet. Too much bad stuff left in this numbness.

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24 minutes ago, emptyman said:

A regular day with anxiety, low mood and my mind receiving spam from itself. Visions of self harm are with me all the time. I'm not going to make them real, though. I literally get  nausea from being myself, feels really bad, how do I escape? Took the meds already, feeling somewhat numb and sleepy, but not enough to fall asleep yet. Too much bad stuff left in this numbness.

Are you doing anything in particular today?

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I slept too long.  Reason being, I remember being on this couch last night at 6pm, just like now, and it feels as though it wasn’t a full 24 hrs ago.  

It’s 6:15 already & it’s too early to be that late.  Wish it wasn’t getting dark already.  Always makes things just a little harder.  I feel more down now than I did earlier & that’s always fear-inducing.  (I also know that I’m overthinking & going on about nothing.)

Does that make any sense?

Edited by adamrparr
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Wondering how everyone’s doing tonight.  Alone & a little down, but that’s typical for a night like tonight.  Been in my head just a little.  A bit anxious.  Could be a hell of a lot worse, I suppose.

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8 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Well today seems to be one of those rare peaceful days for me.

Fantastic.  We need more of that on here tonight, for sure.

9pm already.  Wow.  I suppose I’m kinda glad in a weird way that the day is nearly over.

Edited by adamrparr
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Well I'm feeling very blessed right now although the days still can be very difficult. We had our fall Festival at my church on Saturday and I really had a great time being in charge of the bouncy house for the kids. I went through a month or so of horrible depression and just wanted to die but on the other hand I feel like I have more to do and I have a purpose and that's making others happy as best I can. Just because I may not be happy and have not been happy in many many years doesn't mean I can't make someone's day.

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9 minutes ago, quentin360 said:

Well I'm feeling very blessed right now although the days still can be very difficult. We had our fall Festival at my church on Saturday and I really had a great time being in charge of the bouncy house for the kids. I went through a month or so of horrible depression and just wanted to die but on the other hand I feel like I have more to do and I have a purpose and that's making others happy as best I can. Just because I may not be happy and have not been happy in many many years doesn't mean I can't make someone's day.

Very glad to hear about such positives.  Those are fundamental things, for sure, and they do contribute to our own happiness, even when we aren’t really feeling very happy.  I’m not feeling that happy myself right now, but I’m grateful for a number similar things in my life.  Good to hear from you tonight.

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