Jump to content

How Do You Feel Right Now #11


Recommended Posts

My mother attempted to brain wash multiple people, with a manipulative tactic of talking about me to her friends and everyone as if I was gold. But here's the catch. She only talks nice about an imaginary version of me when I'm never, ever around to hear the lies. When all her friends are gone, she does not show me a shred of care or love or anything.

I've had someone confront me by saying that I'm delusional and that my mom is loving and perfect because of her behaviors when I am not around.

I have yet to hear an example from that same person, describing my mom's behaviors when all the friends are gone home, all the cameras and audio devices are turned off, and it's just her and me in the same room. They don't have an example of what happens then...

Ironically, my mom abuses me in front of every person on the planet who doesn't care about how I'm treated and who doesn't care if there's fighting going on. And at the same time, still legitimately convinces them that she's the perfect mother.

I know that if my mom did that to someone the friend cared about, the friend's answer would be the opposite.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

feeling my depression getting the better of me,  could be the night shift at work, or the coming winter season or not having one of my meds for 3 weeks or just a depression cycle or  maybe just a combo off all of them, in any case i'll be just fine, i seem to put the deep funk behind me easier lately but still hate it

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, JD4010 said:

@PraiseBrownies Pho! I love that stuff. I squirt half a bottle of that hot sauce into the bowl when I eat it. Best medicine for a cold that I know of. 🙂

I couldn't get my pho because my friend didn't want to park in the sketchier side of town for food 😭 But I guess that area is called "The War Zone" for a reason, but I grew up eating Vietnamese food every day so going a week without is rough. 

Pho definitely is the best medicine for almost anything, though. Nobody can convince me otherwise 😂

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Today i learned why eating out is such an expense. I'm happy with this move but I gotta admit, going from rich girl to living out of whatever is in my pocket and paychecks and not wanting to burden my new family too much with excessive spending is very different from what I know. But I'm taking steps towards responsibility! And no more nightmares since my fiance holds me every night, so I'm very happy today. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One of those days so far. Hope it gets better from here. Anxiety motor is running and I'm sure it hasn't been helped by the neighbour's dog being let loose when mini lion was trying to get her morning grass munching done out front.

After that happened mini lion threw up all over her cat tree. Lovely, especially when eating your breakfast and trying to prepare yourself mentally for the day ahead. And finally mini lion starts to eat her own sick like a dog! What the? C'mon mini lion can't we leave that gross stuff to the dogs? Anyway, I have to stop her eating it and she is triple upset by the morning dramas. As am I. 

Why do I have to have neighbours. They are surely sent from hell to annoy me? They're not gonna do me any favours that's for sure. They can't even say hello #annoyed.

Edited by Nightjar
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, Tears_Always said:

so ask if you can cook a meal, VN food is good start with Pho or Bun cause they are well known

I'd love to cook but considering the whole 'different ethnicity' thing there's absolutely no ingredients I can use here. I'm waiting for the weekend to grocery shop for stuff I can cook with. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A bit concerned about my elbow.  Going in to the doctor's office. 

Glad that I had yesterday and today off.  Grateful that I got to spend a day at the range yesterday.

Not sure if I will regret the nice laptop I ordered.  It was expensive but work is slow right now.  Then again I need some rest. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

21 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm very proud of you too.  I'll have to go back to full time work again sometime soon as well.  I'm going to try to wait until after the holidays but I will have to do it.  I'm terrified because I don't believe I can do it at all.

I feel for you and can relate. I need to go from a 28 hours a week job to working 40 hours a week and I don't see how I can do it. It seems like way too much for me yet I won't be able to stay living in my apartment if I don't. I have a real generous boss right now that pays me more than he should but it is not like that in the real world. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

idk if "desperately" is too strong a word, but I'm trying to wind down the anxiety of three overloaded days.  Overload which, for the most part, I couldn't avoid.  I'm facing too damn much the next ten days and don't know how/if I'll survive it.  It's become progressively more difficult to hang on.

I tried to take a break of sorts by getting out for "fun" early this afternoon for a photo opp.  It only helped a little.  Just can't quiet myself, nap, or anything.  Hell, I've never been much of a drinker, but even gonna try a cooler now.

Edited by MarkintheDark
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@MarkintheDark "I'm facing too damn much these next ten days" 

Of course.  You are now in the eye of the storm. This is it.  It's not gonna get any worse than where you are. This is the worst bit. To be serene right now would make you nothing short of a Buddha. 

I guess the best you can hope for are brief breaks but take them, they are precious right now and do everything you can manage to relax as much as is humanly possible (not Buddha possible). 

You can and you will survive this. During the actual move, focus on spot and his wellbeing. It will soothe you. And visualise you and him finally settled again and able to nap peacefully.

When I went through my hellish recent move which involved a brief stay with NM :spudnikwitch:😲where I descended into the seventh circle of hell; I was chugging away on cokes (cola). I know how bad they are; they gave me acid reflux but they got me through. Nothing wrong with a little bit of addiction in extreme situations in my opinion. Whatever it takes.

I believe you are gonna do this and I look forward to seeing your message saying you and spot are surrounded by boxes but comfy and snuggling in your new nest 😻

Edited by Nightjar
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Feeling OK this morning. Not particularly stressed about anything which is good. Don't feel depressed either. So I guess so far, today is a good day 🙂 I'm planning on having a me day today which is soothing to me lately.  I guess I don't feel so horrifically lonely these days. I hope it lasts :hearts:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Since I didn't really sleep, wandered out to see what I could shoot predawn/dawn.  Whatta damn waste of time.  Not even close to the quality I usually shoot, nor any joy in it.  I'm probably shutting down for the day.  Eff it.

Edited by MarkintheDark
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm alive. Fiance is super sick so I'm taking care of him and the chores while he recovers. Good thing I haven't had much homework. He's being a stubborn egg and won't eat any soup because he doesn't like soup even though he can't hold down any solid foods. 🤷‍♀️ I love him to pieces but honestly he's got the palette of a toddler and I never know what to cook for him, but everything he makes for himself is loaded with salt and other unhealthy things. I sure hope living with me will influence what he eats. 

Had some nasty nightmares last night, though. Nightmares are stupid. 

Edited by PraiseBrownies
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...