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How Do You Feel Right Now #11


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13 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Well, I'm feeling 10,000 tons lighter than I did earlier today. Had it out with the boss this morning and I'm still employed. It was actually a somewhat constructive meeting.

I honestly thought I was going to get the axe. It's a huge relief to find out my fears were far greater than reality.

Hey that's good news! I'm glad you're still employed after having it out, and I hope this means employment will be a better experience for you.

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13 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

About completely numb today.  Less fitful night's sleep than I've had lately, but was awakened by a crew's chainsaws spending an hour or so cutting up the last of the branches, etc., they've been cleaning out of the yard the past two days.  At least it wasn't an effin' all day affair of noise that went on for hours and hours...and the new landlord gave me $350 off rent for the annoyance.  But the property looks barren.

I'm totally on automatic.  Barber/stylist called that he had a noon opening which I grabbed immediately.  At least it was something to get me moving...and actually had a brief thought that it was nice it was happening the day before my birthday.  A haircut usually helps my mood and I suppose somewhere in the back of my mind it has (i.e., I don't have to wear a hat to hide my cruddy hair).  Then spent half an hour, as long as I was in the car, combing a neighborhood for unadvertised rentals.

Have an informal dinner invite with Mom's pastor this evening, but I don't think he realizes it's my birthday.  And I simply don't care.  No sadness.  No anxiety.  Just nothing.

Happy birthday Mark! I'm sad to hear that your sleep is so badly affected, but I'm glad you've had a substantial rent reduction for the annoyance.

It's great that the barber visit gave you some comfort, and I really hope that you're going to have good luck with rentals and finding the right place.

While I know your birthday won't be a fantastic day for you, I hope that, if you come to the forums, we can give you some level of cheer and celebration.

:hugs:

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11 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

TY.  Perhaps just as well the pastor cancelled our li'l dinner this evening b/c he has a case of the trots today.  Given my experiences, that's probably the last I'll hear from him. At least it takes the pressure off to pull myself together for an outing.  tbh, part of me feels relieved.

Fair enough. It does take the strain away, that's for sure. I guess the only thing is that it may have been helpful, but it may not have been, either. (Maybe focus on the reduction of stress this brings?)

 

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11 hours ago, nojoy said:

feeling better. had a good laugh with my brother when he had to pick me up at the (his words)nuthouse after being escorted by the police for evaluation. Whelp that's one thing marked off the bucket list --ride in the backset of a police car. Guess I won't be consider for the dispatcher job after today's events.😆

Oh gosh, what happened? Are you ok?

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6 hours ago, PraiseBrownies said:

Happy day of birth, @MarkintheDark!

Have sinus infection. If you wish to amuse yourself, please imagine a 5'5" 17 year old skinny asian girl watching slime videos with a bag of warm rice on her face. 

Too be fair, slime videos are incredibly soothing.

I hope you feel better soon, though!

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Broken down sober in front of drunk friends. A lot of time spent listening to their kind words, but no room for myself to reply. So I just let them talk about things they might have thought was bothering me. I went from hyping myself up to hang out with friends coming from the bars to the focal point of two girls talking over each other trying to comfort me. It was very overwhelming. And since they were drunk, it felt like too much effort to convince them that I didn’t needed to be prodded. So I let them talk until I had an opportunity to take myself aside with my fiancé.

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5 hours ago, MargotMontage said:

Oh gosh, what happened? Are you ok?

Short  version is I lost my job on Friday and the one person that I thought was a friend stabbed me in the back. So I fell into a deep depression and seriously considered ending life.  I talked to the therapist about what happened and became very upset as this was the first time I really made plans.  T suggested talking to nurse practitioner about increasing meds. All NP hear was sui**** and call police to escort me to mental health hospital for evaluation. Only there for 2 hours and most of it was waiting.  When I was talking to the counselor there about what happened with the NP, I saw her roll her eyes and a second time when I told her what I had for support (which when I said these to the NP she was still focused on the s-word. Once in awhile, I can call on my brother and he will be there but he also has his demons to fight and he uses weird humor to relieve stress.

Thanks for asking about me. The deep depression only lasted 48 hours compared to the weeks and months in the past. After yesterday I should be really depressed but I'm not and I have good plans for the future. My thoughts about this is that sometimes you just have to let the emotions run the course and go with the flow wherever that may lead and then get back on the course you were following before being overwhelmed.

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5 hours ago, bellerose said:

Why do I have ideation as people say nice things to me?

Maybe because you don't trust people like me.  When people are nice to me I think they're trying to trick me in some way.  There's no such thing as just being nice.

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35 minutes ago, nojoy said:

I agree with you Sober. after yesterday I no longer trust anyone, especially in the medical field.

Of course you don't trust them.  You got a glimpse behind the curtain so to speak.  They heard the magic word that translates to money when they hear it in their mind.  They probably sent you home because you probably don't have insurance going through what you're going through right now.  If you did things would be going in a much darker way.

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Feel like I've had to force myself to plow thru the day.  Sounds counterintuitive, but grabbed a cup of my 7-11 coffee midday and did my ¼ tab Xanax to calm an anxiety attack that had been building all morning.  At this point, I'll do whatever I have to do just to function "normally."

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Not very well at all, actually.  It's been a dreadful week.  Second week at the great new job, but...   Monday at work was beyond stressful.  Encountered a number of perplexing IT problems that I was completely unable to solve.  (As I'm very concerned about doing a very good job here, that made me feel quite bad indeed.  Very high expectations of myself in general also made this really tough.)

Later on Monday a friend of mine in recovery relapsed, scored some H/smack that evidently was cut with fentanyl.  Overdosed & died.  His mom came home to find him slumped over the kitchen table.

Tuesday was uneventful & a little better, thank God.

Wednesday & Thursday I was out of work sick/depressed.  I know this was awful but I simply did not have the steam.  I was worn out physically, mentally & emotionally.

I'm back here at work today to finish out the week, which is very good.  Didn't sleep much at all last night, but I'm here anyway, which makes me feel better.  However, today's supposed to be my first payday & I was assuming that it was going to be a rather good one.  I'm salaried so I wasn't having to wonder about how many hours I was being paid for.

As it turns out, it looks like even though I've actually been working for two weeks, I must not be getting paid this first pay period go-round.  Which means, I'll have to wait another two weeks to get paid for the first time.  That equals an entire month of work without getting my first dime.  Extremely deflating & discouraging, not to mention immensely stressful & inconvenient.

My mindset's not too good right now.  Glad it's Friday though, and I AM extremely grateful to have the sort of job that I've been after for the last couple of years.  Just sucks to not be getting paid.  Anyway, I'm outta here in 2.5 hrs for the weekend & I'm not completely broke (yet).

 

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2 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

i have been told i was born weak..i guess its probably true........raised by weak people i disagree with that..

It's not weakness.  It's a disease, one symptom of which is that it tells us it's weakness.

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I'm having one of those "I can't sleep and I will probably stay up for 40 hours" days.
Not feeling too bad, though. Which is always the case with such things.
I feel actually ready to do things, wash dishes, swab the deck, find some treasure ...

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11 hours ago, nojoy said:

Short  version is I lost my job on Friday and the one person that I thought was a friend stabbed me in the back. So I fell into a deep depression and seriously considered ending life.  I talked to the therapist about what happened and became very upset as this was the first time I really made plans.  T suggested talking to nurse practitioner about increasing meds. All NP hear was sui**** and call police to escort me to mental health hospital for evaluation. Only there for 2 hours and most of it was waiting.  When I was talking to the counselor there about what happened with the NP, I saw her roll her eyes and a second time when I told her what I had for support (which when I said these to the NP she was still focused on the s-word. Once in awhile, I can call on my brother and he will be there but he also has his demons to fight and he uses weird humor to relieve stress.

Thanks for asking about me. The deep depression only lasted 48 hours compared to the weeks and months in the past. After yesterday I should be really depressed but I'm not and I have good plans for the future. My thoughts about this is that sometimes you just have to let the emotions run the course and go with the flow wherever that may lead and then get back on the course you were following before being overwhelmed.

Damn!  That's BS.   :hugs:

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8 hours ago, adamrparr said:

Not very well at all, actually.  It's been a dreadful week.  Second week at the great new job, but...   Monday at work was beyond stressful.  Encountered a number of perplexing IT problems that I was completely unable to solve.  (As I'm very concerned about doing a very good job here, that made me feel quite bad indeed.  Very high expectations of myself in general also made this really tough.)

Later on Monday a friend of mine in recovery relapsed, scored some H/smack that evidently was cut with fentanyl.  Overdosed & died.  His mom came home to find him slumped over the kitchen table.

Tuesday was uneventful & a little better, thank God.

Wednesday & Thursday I was out of work sick/depressed.  I know this was awful but I simply did not have the steam.  I was worn out physically, mentally & emotionally.

I'm back here at work today to finish out the week, which is very good.  Didn't sleep much at all last night, but I'm here anyway, which makes me feel better.  However, today's supposed to be my first payday & I was assuming that it was going to be a rather good one.  I'm salaried so I wasn't having to wonder about how many hours I was being paid for.

As it turns out, it looks like even though I've actually been working for two weeks, I must not be getting paid this first pay period go-round.  Which means, I'll have to wait another two weeks to get paid for the first time.  That equals an entire month of work without getting my first dime.  Extremely deflating & discouraging, not to mention immensely stressful & inconvenient.

My mindset's not too good right now.  Glad it's Friday though, and I AM extremely grateful to have the sort of job that I've been after for the last couple of years.  Just sucks to not be getting paid.  Anyway, I'm outta here in 2.5 hrs for the weekend & I'm not completely broke (yet).

 

I can't imagine how terrible it would have been to hear of your friend's death, and while the rest of the week would have been tough as is, something like that would have made it just that bit worse. I hope that you're going to be ok in the long run. I also know what it's like to not be on the first pay run of a new job, and it really sucks. It can throw your plans and finances way out. I'm glad you're not going to go broke just yet, and that there are good points to this new job. Hang in there, and take care of yourself.

Edited by MargotMontage
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I went to school holding rice over my face. And then proceeded to take way too much ibuprofen and for some reason my whole brain went into placebo effect high mode and i started bouncing off the walls in hyperactivity and showering my fiance in kisses. So that's how my day went 🤣

Edited by PraiseBrownies
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