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How Do You Feel Right Now #11


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13 hours ago, highanxiety said:

Speaking of therapy.  I've had the same experience sometimes being shuffled out of the office five minutes before the session should end.  Only to find out I had 50 minutes on the books not 60.  Based on my last therapist disaster which lasted two months, and who reopened old wounds already healed by therapy past,  I have not had therapy I think for about four months since I fired him.  Just haven't had the energy to search again for a therapist.  And not sure if I really need one except to vent.  Seems like I get better answers here on the forum,  and in counseling myself so to speak.

@highanxiety Glad to see you posting.  I did not see you on here for a long time.  🙂

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7 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Man, that's terrible.  Sorry to hear that sober. And they wonder why we have trust issues?! 

I'll never trust anyone again.  I know there are good people in this world but I also know that doesn't matter because bad people are in charge of everything.  This is a world where the villains win but they don't look obvious like the Joker or Frankenstein.  They look like Superman and they can charm everyone into believing they are good while they destroy the world.

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'll never trust anyone again.  I know there are good people in this world but I also know that doesn't matter because bad people are in charge of everything.  This is a world where the villains win but they don't look obvious like the Joker or Frankenstein.  They look like Superman and they can charm everyone into believing they are good while they destroy the world.

The reason this world is so effed up is because everyone is predominantly looking out for number one. Which isn’t all bad, but when push becomes shove,  we become even more territorial, possessive and selfish and shitty to one another. 

This is just the way humanity is wired and the reason why we will only cause more problems than solve them.

My two penny’s worth.

Edited by samadhiSheol
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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'll never trust anyone again.  I know there are good people in this world but I also know that doesn't matter because bad people are in charge of everything.  This is a world where the villains win but they don't look obvious like the Joker or Frankenstein.  They look like Superman and they can charm everyone into believing they are good while they destroy the world.

Agreed. We live among policemen who tell us to lock our doors and put security alarms n cameras, then they themselves rob us when night comes. This is a shitty world. 

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2 minutes ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

Agreed. We live among policemen who tell us to lock our doors and put security alarms n cameras, then they themselves rob us when night comes. This is a shitty world. 

I used to want to be a cop.  I wanted to be a state trooper until I realized they are no different than the crocodile waiting for the right animal to cross the river and then they pounce.

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Kinda bored and definitely hungry. I'm trying a bit of a fast today to save money and see how it affects my mood. I've only had two coffees so far and am about to go have my one large meal for the day. I can say that so far, I have avoided low moods. I expect that will change after I eat but oh well. Really wish I had a safe place to go for a nap. 

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This being the weekend - well, SOMEONE'S weekend - kinda forced myself to get out with a few of the guys, including a bestie, briefly for some pix, particularly since the humidity's subsided a bit for  a few days.  I guess it helped.  Jury's out.  Trying to have a "normal" weekend while I can.

A couple important scripts were ready yesterday and I've no doubt that's helped a bit.  I have to say, though, I'm relatively numb emotionally - a far sight better than the usual sh*t of almost perpetual anxiety attacks or feeling like I have to cry - and, honestly, grabbing naps as I can b/c I feel my energy's been sapped the past month.

Edited by MarkintheDark
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8 minutes ago, John_in_SF said:

Kinda bored and definitely hungry. I'm trying a bit of a fast today to save money and see how it affects my mood. I've only had two coffees so far and am about to go have my one large meal for the day. I can say that so far, I have avoided low moods. I expect that will change after I eat but oh well. Really wish I had a safe place to go for a nap. 

There has to be tons of soup kitchens in San Francisco.  I would be trying to find every free meal in town to save money.

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I'm okay. Had a good date with my fiance today and a sucky work day, since i had a 5 minute meltdown in the bathroom and flooded about 1/4 of the kitchen. Nothing's damaged and all is okay though, so I'm not too upset anymore. Been better, been worse. An average C grade day. That's how most days are. 

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4 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

This being the weekend - well, SOMEONE'S weekend - kinda forced myself to get out with a few of the guys, including a bestie, briefly for some pix, particularly since the humidity's subsided a bit for  a few days.  I guess it helped.  Jury's out.  Trying to have a "normal" weekend while I can.

I am envious. I don't have any friends. Acquaintances and people who help me from time to time, but no one to go hang out with. Something is wrong with me in that department. I don't like being alone all the time.

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1 hour ago, John_in_SF said:

I am envious. I don't have any friends. Acquaintances and people who help me from time to time, but no one to go hang out with. Something is wrong with me in that department. I don't like being alone all the time.

idk if some clarification on my part is even useful or even speaks to your situation, but here goes.  These are guys I've known for 6-8 years, most my age, photo colleagues, who know I'm gay and have advanced HIV...and it doesn't affect their acceptance of me.  At the moment, too, they know I've faced some serious medical issues the past year, that I'm not doing well even now, but I'm reluctant to be as candid with any of 'em as I am here.  They'd probably avoid me.  However, our shared interests/histories are just enough to occasionally get me out of myself.  Well, hell, I'll take that...even if, like you, I'm otherwise alone most of the time.

I'm envious they have regular jobs, families, etc., even as I'm struggling.  idk that I'd ever invite any of 'em into my home...well, while I've got a home.

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15 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'll never trust anyone again.  I know there are good people in this world but I also know that doesn't matter because bad people are in charge of everything.  This is a world where the villains win but they don't look obvious like the Joker or Frankenstein.  They look like Superman and they can charm everyone into believing they are good while they destroy the world.

Agreed.  

Many of you already know that I saw 37 doctors over an eleven year span who failed to diagnose me with GAD.  Many of them were hostile and they verbally abused me.   The 38th doctor got my illness correct.   I filed a complaint against some of the doctors and the College of Physicians insulted me, fabricated evidence against me, and covered up for them.  I was locked up for ten days.  When I was discharged from the hospital one of the doctors who sent me to the hospital kept phoning me late at night and harassing me and my mom.  I reported him to the authorities but nothing was done to him.  

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8 hours ago, Tilted said:

Major setback after a month or so of feeling ~3% better. Ideation never went away but now it is back in full force. Very hopeless and uncomfortable.

Hey Tilted.  Glad to see you posting.  :hugs:

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10 hours ago, John_in_SF said:

I am envious. I don't have any friends. Acquaintances and people who help me from time to time, but no one to go hang out with. Something is wrong with me in that department. I don't like being alone all the time.

I don't have any friends, acquaintances or anyone that cares about me.  The last person that hugged me or said they loved me was mom 2 days before she passed away.  My life is over.  It's been over for a long time.

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4 hours ago, duck said:

Agreed.  

Many of you already know that I saw 37 doctors over an eleven year span who failed to diagnose me with GAD.  Many of them were hostile and they verbally abused me.   The 38th doctor got my illness correct.   I filed a complaint against some of the doctors and the College of Physicians insulted me, fabricated evidence against me, and covered up for them.  I was locked up for ten days.  When I was discharged from the hospital one of the doctors who sent me to the hospital kept phoning me late at night and harassing me and my mom.  I reported him to the authorities but nothing was done to him.  

This sort of abuse is far too common. And yet people will disbelieve you unless you accept a doctor's advice as the word of God. Its as if receiving a medical license imparts you with superpowers - people forget that doctors are human and many of them have flaws and are dishonest, just like any other profession.

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