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How Do You Feel Right Now #11


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2 hours ago, Floor2017 said:

Today is my last day of being 49 and tomorrow I turn 50.  I have mixed feelings of getting older but I know it’s a blessing to get older with a peace of mind and a comforting spirit and good health 

Happy Birthday in advance. I have more than 10 years on you, my friend. 🙂

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2 hours ago, Floor2017 said:

Today is my last day of being 49 and tomorrow I turn 50.  I have mixed feelings of getting older but I know it’s a blessing to get older with a peace of mind and a comforting spirit and good health 

Happy early birthday 🎂 hope it’s a good one you deserve it just saying 😊

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On 1/27/2020 at 12:08 PM, The_Unwanted said:

My current job isn't 100% bad, but I can say with rational conclusiveness that ''oppurtunity'' to enjoy myself, most of the time, is not there.

The collective lack of interest of these people for this job has been proven. This explains the other thing I'm going to point out.

They have a ''mob'' mentality against me because it's a small, tight little workspace with individuals who, for the most part, lack interest for what they do and have absolutely nothing in common with me.

Too many real-life groups of individuals are collectively making sure I do not get the oppurtunity to be productive in general and to grow as a person. Sadly, what I'm saying is one gazillion percent true.

It's not everybody, but it is absolutely a large enough size of people. I cannot find the right crowds to hang with because no one wants to give me an oppurtunity to show them what I can do.

Because of better finances, I have no difficulty whatsoever making myself happy, when I'm in isolation. But pleasing these others is impossible because they despise me when I'm in a bad mood just as much as when I'm in a good mood.

It seems like I'm putting myself at a huge disadvantage agaisnt them, when the numbers are not in my favor. I feel like something had to be done about that.

This is in no way your fault. When I was still able to work, I had that exact same problem, (except at a job I would otherwise have liked,) and I had to accept it wasn't me, and I had to just move through it as best I could. If they 'despise' you no matter what you do, it does at least mean that you can feel however you want and not care at all what they think, which can be very freeing.

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On 1/27/2020 at 5:29 PM, adamrparr said:

Doing a little better today/tonight than yesterday, so I’ll take it.  Was able to really process the relationship/dating lunacy that happened over the weekend.  That shit was really tearing me up yesterday.  Ultimately, we parted on good terms tonight, something that I was determined to do.  I didn’t want resentment and anger to linger.

Got to talk to a great friend of mine from the boards on the phone tonight for quite a while, and it was tremendous.  This particular friendship seems to be a very special, profound gift from a dearly loved, departed friend, and I’m forever grateful for it.

So I’m just grateful to be feeling better than I did last night.  Better is better, so I’ll take it.

About to munch one of those herbal sedative brownies & just had a strong cup of Celestial Seasonings’ “Sleepytime Extra” herbal tea.  Hopefully won’t have too much trouble going to sleep.

That's great! I'm glad you got to meet someone on the phone for the first time, and that you have parted with your ex on good terms. This is the best way to try and end a relationship, (even if the other person didn't deserve it, I might add, since it's more about your mental health than who did what to whom. And I'm not sure I got who and whom right there, so sorry if I didn't. I'm no expert, and I'll be honest about that here. 😂) Back to serious talk: I'm about to part with several members of my family to help my mental health, and I want it to be on good terms, too, even if we are technically 'estranged', from here on in.)

I hope you'll do ok for now, and I'm glad you can always come back here, (like I do,) if you need a community.

Those herbal brownies sound useful. I suspect they're not legal where I'm at right now, but since I'm moving, they may be there. Do you buy them, or make them up yourself?

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1 hour ago, Devlinkyla said:

Well it’s been 5 years sense I hade to leave my kids and a year since I got to see them and 20 since I got to talk to them is it bad that it don’t make me sad anymore am use to it I went over 2 years without seeing them before 

Not sure I follow the math there (left them 5 years ago but haven't talked to them in 20?? confusing) Anyway, no I don't think it's necessarily bad you're not sad. It's survival mode. As long as you feel happy when you do get to see them/talk to them again. 

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On 1/27/2020 at 11:53 PM, emptyman said:

My job used to prevent me from going crazy, now it just makes me feel worse. Thinking of seeing my psychiatrist earlier than advised. Hearing echoes of my thoughts, cannot focus on anything at the moment. And the part of me that doesn't want to live is becoming more active again.

Hey there! Not sure if this is relevant to you, but could it be possible that the echoes of your thoughts might be a medication side effect? This happened to me once, and it's good to rule out possible causes.

I hope you'll be ok. Remember you can come here if things are feeling too much.

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On 1/28/2020 at 12:08 AM, ladysmurf said:

i dont know why when i  give advice or my opinion to others, they say it's great, and thank you, but then when i think about me, like i want to try something new, i'm afraid i am going to fail, or why bother, you are a loser....yet last week i was telling a girl who is older than me to not give up on her dream, and i'd help her if i could with anything that i know and can .. i think it happens to many of us, like we give better advice to others but when it comes to us, we have our own self-doubts, i don't get it. how am i supposed to convince myself that i wont fail, that i wont like a fool trying something new, .....any advice you guys have would be appreciated...helpful..thanks

I think that's human nature. It's like the line in Alice in Wonderland: 'I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.' Hang in there! I know it sucks, but just try and follow your own advice, starting with small things, and see how far you can get this year. It'll make a difference, bit by bit!

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not sure where I left off with things...

i overslept again today (snoozed the alarm and woke up 2 hours later). Sigh! Think I am depressed...i just have better days when I don't think  of my current circumstances...and I still need to be grateful for even the littlest of blessings in my life.

exercise. i actually did some last night!

the troll or "troll", well i can't even talk about it on that site (my post got removed). i understand that there's rules about not talking about members, but they aren't technically a member anymore??? I'm being petty, but at the same time I'm really scared of people like that now. this was my first experience with this. guess one thing's positive, the report button works. (i've never had to report anyone either). Ok, I'm sorry...i'll drop it now...just needed to vent somewhere. grr

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On 1/28/2020 at 9:50 AM, Floor2017 said:

Well, today was a very good day. I finally got out of bed and did some much needed work around the house.  I also went to the store and bought some supplies I needed to work on the toilet and put up a motion sensor light outside the front entrance of the house.  After, doing my outside chores I washed my bed covers and cooked me something to eat before I left the house to go do my part time job. 

That's great! Glad to hear it!

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On 1/28/2020 at 10:17 AM, adamrparr said:

Not feeling very well at all.  As predicted, I allowed myself to stay up far too late, and slept waaay too long today.  Obviously this is the kind of thing that actually fuel/perpetuate depression.  Feels like an escape in the moment, but at the end of the day I know that it’s destructive for me.

I’m filled with fear & doubt right now.  Devoid of confidence.  I’ve been in this depressive episode since about Oct. & I haven’t been able to climb out of it.  Feels like I’m paralyzed inside a black hole.  I feel wholly incapable & unworthy.  I’ve screwed so many things up & I’m filled with guilt, shame, fear & remorse BECAUSE I’m a good person.

Depression had destroyed so much of my life & it’s terrifying to realize that I’m right there again, right now.  I know a good bit about what I need to do.  I just don’t feel capable of doing anything today.  Just the truth.

Sleep schedule’s waaay off right now & I know that when that happens, I’ve got serious depression going on.  It’s terrifying not to be able to control simple behaviors like sleep habits.  Makes one feel very abnormal & defective, especially when I know I need to be doing differently.  It’s maddening & destroys self-confidence.

At this point, the only thing I know to do today is to write, share, participate on here, be grateful for my sobriety & many other blessings.  I’m also going to put together a short list of things that I can and need to do for myself tomorrow.  Not feeling capable right now, but somehow I have a bit more hope about tomorrow.

😔

Yeah, I know what you mean. Depression makes it hard to control habits and impulses. I, too, love staying up late when I'm having certain mental issues, (and certain side effects!) but then my depression is way worse. (I also like video games, which does not help at all when I get like that. Nor does watching David Lynch stuff late at night and freaking myself out! But I digress.)

I understand what you mean about how being a good person can stuff you up mentally sometimes. I wouldn't say I'm an amazingly good person AT ALL, but it means that your conscience is always buzzing in a way that not so good people don't have to deal with, and if you add social awkwardness into it, (which I do have,) it's many times worse, because you can get hung up on interactions that went badly, lost opportunities, etc. And guilt, too.

Don't worry about not feeling capable. Just take one minute at a time.

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54 minutes ago, anxiousE said:

Not sure I follow the math there (left them 5 years ago but haven't talked to them in 20?? confusing) Anyway, no I don't think it's necessarily bad you're not sad. It's survival mode. As long as you feel happy when you do get to see them/talk to them again. 

Yea sorry I last time I talked to them was January 9 my sons birthday I have talked to them before that’s it’s just been awhile 

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1 hour ago, MargotMontage said:

That's great! I'm glad you got to meet someone on the phone for the first time, and that you have parted with your ex on good terms. This is the best way to try and end a relationship, (even if the other person didn't deserve it, I might add, since it's more about your mental health than who did what to whom. And I'm not sure I got who and whom right there, so sorry if I didn't. I'm no expert, and I'll be honest about that here. 😂) Back to serious talk: I'm about to part with several members of my family to help my mental health, and I want it to be on good terms, too, even if we are technically 'estranged', from here on in.)

I hope you'll do ok for now, and I'm glad you can always come back here, (like I do,) if you need a community.

Those herbal brownies sound useful. I suspect they're not legal where I'm at right now, but since I'm moving, they may be there. Do you buy them, or make them up yourself?

Thank you!!  

And the brownies are COMPLETELY legal EVERYWHERE. No pot/thc or anything else like that in there at all!!  I’ll try to snap a photo of one later tonight!!  I pick ‘em up at convenience stores, but you can buy ‘em online too.  Gimme a few & I’ll get some more info about them on here.  Sooo helpful.  All natural, no drugs, completely herbal.  Melatonin, rose hips, chamomile, etc.  Very good stuff & it REALLY helps with rest & sleep!!

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32 minutes ago, adamrparr said:

Thank you!!  

And the brownies are COMPLETELY legal EVERYWHERE. No pot/thc or anything else like that in there at all!!  I’ll try to snap a photo of one later tonight!!  I pick ‘em up at convenience stores, but you can buy ‘em online too.  Gimme a few & I’ll get some more info about them on here.  Sooo helpful.  All natural, no drugs, completely herbal.  Melatonin, rose hips, chamomile, etc.  Very good stuff & it REALLY helps with rest & sleep!!

I thought you were talking about the other brownies too.  I never heard of the kind you're talking about.  I never heard of rose hips either.

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Continuing to feel just a little bit better each day as I put forth more & more effort to change.  Since Oct, I’ve really been struggling. As you guys know.   

So now, small, incremental, reasonable growth each day as I strive toward some EXTREMELY important/“HAVE-TO” goals for myself & my kids.  I’ve been in this rut for too damned long.  Sick & tired of being sick & tired, (and broke 🤣).

I’ve got one job interview scheduled for tomorrow, another one for next week & continuing to search & set up some more!  The search is going to be successful & it’s going to be successful quickly.

Onward & upward.  With a TON of help & communication with a few members here, I’m doing it.  We ALL can.

“Despair not; REPAIR a LOT!”

- @Oscar K

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