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How Do You Feel Right Now #11


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12 hours ago, sober4life said:

The last two years have been so hard.  It's very frustrating looking around at the people in your life and you know they're pretending to be nice to you.  They think you're weak and stupid and an easy target.  After everything I've been through these people are just out for themselves in all of this.  I'm not weak and stupid though.  I'm glad they think I am.  I will not allow this to be the rest of my life.  I can't believe this is my life but I will not waste my time being afraid for one more moment.

I have to hang around the same type of people. At least you have the option to not allow that in your life. I can't escape them, even if I want to. Whenever I successfully cut ties with one negative group, new negative people quicky take their place. Being positive sadly never helps me, even when I do it right.

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Woke up at a reasonable hour today so feeling good about that. (Thanks for the alarm suggestion, @adamrparr ) Now just to stay awake. I've got some things to do today though so hopefully I won't get sleepy again.
Little anxious too. I don't want to say anything hurtful, but let's just say someone is being a little creepy to me on that new site I'm on. I think it's harmless, but I don't think they like me since I had to report something and that makes me nervous. I've never had to deal with this before. :/

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I spent all of yesterday having awful stomach pains though the're better now. My father has been having one of his anger episodes or something or the past few days so he's been running around yelling at everything mildly inconveniencing. Father, I really don't know how yelling at nothing will make up for you forgetting to cook rice. 

I woke up feeling amazing this morning but I got yelled at for being supposedly helpless and useless around my household and selfish because I would rather not do chores around the house if my parents are going to yell at me for doing them wrong and then they would redo them entirely anyways. I know it's not that I lack ability- during the time I moved out I picked up the chores of the household just fine and actually had fun with it and everyone was grateful for the assistance. 

My father loves putting me in a paradox. Apparently he agrees with me that I have nothing to prove to him, and yet also says he refuses to stop bothering me and yelling at me to prove that I am capable of basic chores. I very much am, just not up to your physically impossible standards. 

Almost starting to like my mother more. At least she's straightforward and reasonable about physical health. And when I got sick yesterday she sent me texts to check up on me and made sure I didn't eat anything that would distress my stomach. My father just got mad at me for being in pain.

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11 minutes ago, Floor2017 said:

Wow, what a day it has been really crazy on the job.  I'm just glad to have been

able to hold it together today.  I have almost two more hours to go and I'm running

up out of here.   :EmoticonDogRun:

Stay strong.  You can do this.:buttrock:Then yes put on the dog suit and run like I would.

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I’m doing a little better today.  Managed a little productivity worked on the to do list a bit.  Managed to schedule a job interview for Thurs & am also working on a second one.

Texted some friends, going out tonight for a little while too.  Only halfway want to go but it’ll do me good.

I did sleep way too late.  This is a major thing for me and it’s something I really need to be diligent about.

Anyway, a little better than yesterday.

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47 minutes ago, adamrparr said:

I’m doing a little better today.  Managed a little productivity worked on the to do list a bit.  Managed to schedule a job interview for Thurs & am also working on a second one.

Texted some friends, going out tonight for a little while too.  Only halfway want to go but it’ll do me good.

I did sleep way too late.  This is a major thing for me and it’s something I really need to be diligent about.

Anyway, a little better than yesterday.

Good luck on the job interview.  I think things are going to work out for us both.

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1 hour ago, adamrparr said:

I’m doing a little better today.  Managed a little productivity worked on the to do list a bit.  Managed to schedule a job interview for Thurs & am also working on a second one.

Texted some friends, going out tonight for a little while too.  Only halfway want to go but it’ll do me good.

I did sleep way too late.  This is a major thing for me and it’s something I really need to be diligent about.

Anyway, a little better than yesterday.

enjoy your outing and I hope your interview goes well for you 

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Well I confronted that person who was giving me anxiety. Turns out they wrote a post calling me homophobic and a horrible person. I've never even said anything about anyone's sexuality! And I even apologized before that that they if felt I was rude, i am sorry because that wasnt my intention. But by the time i got back online, the whole conversation was removed and they closed their account. I think I was being trolled! 😕 This has never happened to me before. It's really creepy. I just hope they don't come back with a new account and bother me or anyone else. On the off chance that they were actually truthful about their mental health issues, I really hope that they get help because their behavior was completely unacceptable. I actually feel sorry for them if that's the case. Sigh! 

 

In other news, I got very tired this evening and napped for like a half-hour. This sickness really took it all out of me! ...plus the online drama and even some drama at home. Sigh! And so much for working out tonight...

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8 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

Might be up all night not take anything to help me sleep tonight to see if I can sleep bad idea maybe but am doing it anyways 

It's a very hard road but eventually your brain does learn to fall asleep on it's own again.  I have melatonin as a backup but usually take nothing.  If I lay in bed for an hour or more I'll take one.

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15 hours ago, adamrparr said:

I’m doing a little better today.  Managed a little productivity worked on the to do list a bit.  Managed to schedule a job interview for Thurs & am also working on a second one.

Texted some friends, going out tonight for a little while too.  Only halfway want to go but it’ll do me good.

I did sleep way too late.  This is a major thing for me and it’s something I really need to be diligent about.

Anyway, a little better than yesterday.

Great news. Good luck on the interviews. I hope last night's outing was a good time!

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Today is better for me as well. My brain waves were zeroed out yesterday and I simply could not think. I also didn't care about anything.

I feel more vibrant today. I may still not be very productive, but at least I can do more than grunt and shrug at people who talk at me.

Edited by JD4010
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On 1/27/2020 at 6:37 PM, Nightjar said:

I've heard a few spiritual teachers says that the advice we give is the advice we need ourselves. Maybe we should listen to ourselves more often?

Being able to be kind to ourselves is a skill that can be cultivated. The critical voice in our head can be changed to a kind one if we gently persist with the kindness. 

If you can say nice things to a friend, maybe you could be a friend to yourself  too?

OK, easier said than done....We're all trying to think nice thoughts and feel better but I do know that it's possible. I've improved my OCD so much by being gentle with myself.

I think CBT can help you do this but also meditation. Meditation helps you step back from your thoughts and see them objectively from a calm place.  It is from there that we can change them.

Or, anything you can do that you lose yourself in can give you some distance from the negativity in your head. Any of the above would help, I believe, if possible. I know it's not always possible to do things with depression but for the days you can - these would be my suggestions. 

Hope this helps.

Nightjar.

yeah that makes sense Nightjar. Many times the advice I gave to people in my life , was what I needed to hear...but when it comes to me I say negative things ...but for them, I can fight more than I can fight for me. i don't get it.

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2 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

Many times the advice I gave to people in my life , was what I needed to hear...but when it comes to me I say negative things ...but for them, I can fight more than I can fight for me. i don't get it.

Yeah, after blathering on there for half an hour I think I see where you're coming from...😂Yup, it's easier to see others as more worthy than ourselves isn't it? They are worthy of the love and care but somehow we're not?

If you had a mother like mine then I can understand completely that you would feel you don't deserve it. I was taught that I practically don't exist. Unless it is to serve another (namely my mother).

My needs and wants were never even entertained, never mind supported. This can make us feel completely undeserving of attention (but make us excellent counsellors).

We are worth it though. And deserving of love. Somehow we have to remember that and do our damndest to give it to ourselves. Try not to believe the negative voice in your head when it's talking crap about you. And listen hard for the friend in there who can take much better care of you :hearts:

 

 

 

Edited by Nightjar
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6 hours ago, sober4life said:

It's a very hard road but eventually your brain does learn to fall asleep on it's own again.  I have melatonin as a backup but usually take nothing.  If I lay in bed for an hour or more I'll take one.

Yea I have been taken that to just wanted to see if I could sleep with out it and I did 😊

Edited by Devlinkyla
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