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How Do You Feel Right Now #11


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1 hour ago, RiverLight said:

What's upsetting is that I have integrity and strong morals, and my company does not. They are asking me to compromise my own principles of integrity. I am SO outraged by this...... I want to walk out the freaking door, give them the middle finger and tell them they can seriously F off. 

I left a lot of jobs that way in my life.  The only person it hurts is you.  I've honestly lived a lot of my life that way in general.  Most of the people that know me just think I'm a nut.  I want a better life for you than the one I have that's for sure.  I understand how you feel though.  The good person with morals and standards is the standout in this world.  I wonder why I bother to try really when it's already over for this world.

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3 hours ago, RiverLight said:

What's upsetting is that I have integrity and strong morals, and my company does not. They are asking me to compromise my own principles of integrity. I am SO outraged by this...... I want to walk out the freaking door, give them the middle finger and tell them they can seriously F off. 

What the company ask you to do: do they have written policies against this? HR management aren't there to care about individual employee's integrity/morals, but are hired to see that company policies aren't violated

A warning though, your higher-up bosses might ask you to choose between integrity/morals, & continue having a salary

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20 minutes ago, PraiseBrownies said:

I feel sick. The sad kind of sick. And anxious. I have job emails to reply to and I'm worrying about being unprofessional. 

I have yet to see you write badly, just remember no slang, no shortcuts, keep it to the point, and answer any questions asked the best you can.

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11 hours ago, sober4life said:

I left a lot of jobs that way in my life.  The only person it hurts is you.  I've honestly lived a lot of my life that way in general.  Most of the people that know me just think I'm a nut.  I want a better life for you than the one I have that's for sure.  I understand how you feel though.  The good person with morals and standards is the standout in this world.  I wonder why I bother to try really when it's already over for this world.

Thanks, Sober. I am thinking about the best way to handle it. The good news is: I've already introduced myself to the client as being NEW on the account; so if we now say I have been involved longer, then we're caught in a lie. So I will bring this to their attention. That will probably do the trick. 

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15 hours ago, PraiseBrownies said:

Physically and emotionally, I'm doing great. But lately I've been having these really disturbing nightmares involving my father and it makes it really hard to talk to him without flashing back to what I saw. Wonder if my dreams are trying to say something. 

I can't wait until you can get out of there.  My childhood was so terrible I blocked out the whole thing for many years and then in my 30s in rehab when I was starting to get sober everything started coming back.  Of course your dreams are trying to tell you something.  God I hate that you have to go through this!

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9 hours ago, iWantRope said:

What the company ask you to do: do they have written policies against this? HR management aren't there to care about individual employee's integrity/morals, but are hired to see that company policies aren't violated

A warning though, your higher-up bosses might ask you to choose between integrity/morals, & continue having a salary

I doubt they do, and I wouldn't go to HR over this anyways. I can work this out with my co-workers directly.

I'm not going to be fired for simply telling them I am not comfortable with their plan, and explaining why it's not a good idea.

Plus, they cannot afford to lose me since I am the top producer on my whole team. My CEO has told me (last time we met) that he sees me in a leadership role. And he likes me a lot. So I won't be fired. It won't come down to that. 

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I removed another fourth of my lexapro yesterday, so I'm now down to half a pill. 

I feel pretty yucky in some ways but it's not too bad. 

A funny thing is that when starting with SSRI's a year ago, I had tinnitus in my ears during the first couple of weeks. Once things got more stable (and I switched from sertraline to lexapro) it went away. And now when I'm weaning off, my ears are ringing again! 

It's almost a nice reminder that the weird sensations in my body is because of the medicine, and not myself.  ❤️

I'm looking forward to trying out a summer without medicine. If I fail, that's okay. Then I know lexapro works decently for me. 

Lots of love to you all. 

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Not feeling too great. Physically I've got tummy aches from anxiety and doubts. I'm trying to do my college classwork but it's hard to focus with all these awful thoughts in my head. I almost wish I had school today so I could see my counselor and talk to her about all these icky feelings.

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Feeling a bit angry. One of my friends was discussing his troubles with losing weight despite exercising a lot (Though personally I think it's due to the huge amount of mega processed unhealthy crap he eats, plus the bad luck of a slow metabolism) and was envying me for having no trouble staying skinny and I just wanted to explode because while I do have a fast metabolism, I also have crippling compulsions to lose weight and not eat whenever I get above, like, 105 because i have this awful fear of looking too healthy and people won't believe me when I ask for help, since it's happened so much before, plus depression makes it hard to eat.

The heaviest I've been was 107 pounds, that was my weight just as I moved out of my ex-fiance's home. I lost those 7 pounds in about 3 days because I was so depressed I couldn't eat.

I wouldn't be upset if my friend didn't know of these issues but he's very aware.

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Disgusted.  I just thoroughly cleaned and mopped my floor yesterday and I just noticed that it's already covered in heavy dust. Im allergic to dust and constantly itch. I'll be glad when if ever I get out of this pit. I need a miracle. 

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14 hours ago, sober4life said:

These very cold days seem to be the roughest on me.  I feel like hibernating.  To be honest though that's better than the days where I feel like I have to get out of here the whole day.

me too i dont like the cold. did you ever try those light therapy lamps? or weighted blankets??

Weighted blankets help ground your body during sleep by pushing it downwards. This process, known as “earthing” or “grounding,” may have a deeply calming effect. The blankets also simulate deep pressure touch (DPT), a type of therapy that uses firm, hands-on pressure to reduce chronic stress and high levels of anxiety. some people told me to look into that, if i buy one i'll let you guys know how it is ..if it helps with my anxiety or anything

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1 hour ago, ladysmurf said:

me too i dont like the cold. did you ever try those light therapy lamps? or weighted blankets??

Weighted blankets help ground your body during sleep by pushing it downwards. This process, known as “earthing” or “grounding,” may have a deeply calming effect. The blankets also simulate deep pressure touch (DPT), a type of therapy that uses firm, hands-on pressure to reduce chronic stress and high levels of anxiety. some people told me to look into that, if i buy one i'll let you guys know how it is ..if it helps with my anxiety or anything

The light therapy lamps I have worked for a little while.  Do they help?  Sure but the effects aren't as good as being outside in the sun.  The weighted blankets give me a feeling of being too constricted.  I feel like I need to get out of there.  I would much rather have someone there holding me as if that's going to happen.😒

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

It's one of those days where I had to count on someone else to help get me through the day and big surprise they let me down.😒

Well, that sucks. Sorry that happened.

I'm trying to keep my anxiety from climbing re: work. 

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5 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Well, that sucks. Sorry that happened.

I'm trying to keep my anxiety from climbing re: work. 

I think we both agree that this life would be much better without people to deal with.  When I talked to my brother I said I'm one step from being off the grid.  I think it's only a matter of time until it does happen.  It's only a matter of time until I realize people have caused all of my health issues.

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5 hours ago, sober4life said:

The light therapy lamps I have worked for a little while.  Do they help?  Sure but the effects aren't as good as being outside in the sun.  The weighted blankets give me a feeling of being too constricted.  I feel like I need to get out of there.  I would much rather have someone there holding me as if that's going to happen.😒

yes I agree with you the real sun is way better for me too. i feel more happier and relieved when it's warm and sunny outside. i haven't tried the blanket, but many people have rerecorded it to me because i guess it helps with various things... i dont know i will check it out next time i go to the mall and see if it's worth it..

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