How Do You Feel Right Now #11

[sober4life]

31 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

i can relate to that somehow...for me its not so manic, but the OCD and anxiety mixed together , that when i need to get something done it needs to happen right away, otherwise i start freaking out..

A perfect example of how nuts I am is when I recently scheduled a haircut.  I had an appointment but I couldn't even wait for that.  I showed up the day before the appointment.  I couldn't wait anymore and asked them if they could work me in that morning.

[JD4010]

32 minutes ago, sober4life said:

A perfect example of how nuts I am is when I recently scheduled a haircut.  I had an appointment but I couldn't even wait for that.  I showed up the day before the appointment.  I couldn't wait anymore and asked them if they could work me in that morning.

I have the exact opposite problem. I simply cannot get up the motivation to do most stuff. 

[sober4life]

2 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I have the exact opposite problem. I simply cannot get up the motivation to do most stuff. 

I'm always very restless.  I'm depressed but extremely restless at the same time.  I can't think straight but can't stop at the same time.  So I have the parts for the mower now and what I need to take down the tree so hopefully that's enough to ease my mind for today.

[PraiseBrownies]

My parents: just stop taking your antidepressants and take the adhd med instead i bet you'll feel so much better

Me: (gets depressed without my meds that actually work and extremely anxious/twitchy on adhd med because I really don't have ADHD)

My parents: why are you so moody and anxious

Edited January 18, 2020 by PraiseBrownies

[sober4life]

13 minutes ago, PraiseBrownies said:

My parents: just stop taking your antidepressants and take the adhd med instead i bet you'll feel so much better

Me: (gets depressed without my meds that actually work and extremely anxious/twitchy on adhd med because I really don't have ADHD)

My parents: why are you so moody and anxious

I believe we are our own best doctors.  My case was much the same way.  What the doctors were doing wasn't working but everyone had an attitude of do it anyway.  This is a world of doctors that are "specialists" all of which will be happy to say we have what their specialty is like the one doctor I used to have years ago his specialty was bipolar disorder.  All he really did was say most of his patients had bipolar disorder so everyone thought he was so amazing for finding so many people with the condition.  Years later a lot of the hospitals he worked at are now shut down.

[Stand_alone]

I feel deep anger and pain again. It happens whenever I see this person who has hurt me and is stalking me. It is not avoidable in the online community. I wish it will go away.  In a game when you can attack players, I am not allowed to in this group. I have a credo of attack anyone but friends who are in another group.  

[emptyman]

I cannot describe how I feel other than tired. I wish I could stop it. Feels I am losing the ability to work. I cannot perform some basic tasks and that is frustrating. I hate my current job. Lost my interests, it is all about getting some rest that I cannot get enough of. Had some medical examination and the results were fine, so seems it is all in my head, all the fatigue and muscle pain. I would "normally" already experience some suicidal thoughts at this level of frustration, but the "good" news is I am too tired to even think about it.

[samadhiSheol]

Someone said somewhere on df that they couldn't see their future, only the past. Not that any of us CAN see our respective futures, of course, but even envision one?

Somehow I can't even see the past. My past feels fake. Or more to the point, not mine. 

I have the memories but they don't feel authentic. I "remember", but there is no meaning to the memory.

 My life is so..unfulfilled. 

Void.

"If life doesn't k ill you, emptiness will".

That's as close to a credo I will ever have.

[cherryapplez2020]

It’s been really sad on here lately and I feel bad about it because I feel like know that am doing okay and it’s all good but I want to make everyone happy and I can’t I don’t even know what to say life can be hard same times but hell I just don’t know sorry for saying this just wanted to let you all know why I haven’t really been doing much on here

[sober4life]

1 hour ago, Devlinkyla said:

It’s been really sad on here lately and I feel bad about it because I feel like know that am doing okay and it’s all good but I want to make everyone happy and I can’t I don’t even know what to say life can be hard same times but hell I just don’t know sorry for saying this just wanted to let you all know why I haven’t really been doing much on here

Don't feel bad for feeling better.  I don't know how to make everyone else happy either.  Right now I'm watching old tv shows and playing old video games.  I'm doing things that used to make me happy trying to feel better.  I guess it's kind of a last resort to be happy.  I'm not doing bad or good.  I guess I'm putting in time trying to get myself well enough to go back to work.

[nojoy]

@Devlinkyla  It is good to hear that someone  here is doing better. It means that there is always hope for me. 

I haven't been here because I have been very down and not feeling like communicating with anyone. I have only left the house to see the therapist, yoga and meeting my brother for lunch. and two of those were on the same day. I spend more time in bed than out of it. Therapist calls this a coping mechanism given the difficulties since Christmas, I call it avoiding life, making decisions, talking to people, retreating into a world of my own creation (which a heck of lot better than the real world).

[cherryapplez2020]

18 minutes ago, nojoy said:

@Devlinkyla  It is good to hear that someone  here is doing better. It means that there is always hope for me. 

I haven't been here because I have been very down and not feeling like communicating with anyone. I have only left the house to see the therapist, yoga and meeting my brother for lunch. and two of those were on the same day. I spend more time in bed than out of it. Therapist calls this a coping mechanism given the difficulties since Christmas, I call it avoiding life, making decisions, talking to people, retreating into a world of my own creation (which a heck of lot better than the real world).

Yea they can always get better maybe not perfect but better is good enough I hope you start to feel better really soon 

[SouthernSolitary]

Like giving up. Dean telling me one thing. Nursing board saying another. 

[ladysmurf]

On 1/17/2020 at 1:02 PM, JD4010 said:

I have the exact opposite problem. I simply cannot get up the motivation to do most stuff. 

me too

[APFSDS]

Going from terrible to more-or-less fine-ish-ish-ish.

So, I feel fineishishish.

[nojoy]

confused; just finished redoing 2018 taxes. Back in Feb 2019, I owed money, this time I get a refund. 

I don't know happened. I don't care what happened. if the IRS comes after me, they better have a nice, quiet, isolation cell for me.

 

[watalife]

I think I will turn this phone of for 5 hours , nobody's calling anyway. Cell phones have ruined our lives. Just waiting on the ending to this sad boring story/life. Let me go to the store and buy something to distract myself from reality. 

[PraiseBrownies]

Physically and emotionally, I'm doing great. But lately I've been having these really disturbing nightmares involving my father and it makes it really hard to talk to him without flashing back to what I saw. Wonder if my dreams are trying to say something. 

[Depressedgurl007]

Feeling really down right now with self-hatred  

[RiverLight]

DISGUSTED! 

On Friday the CEO’s son, who works at our company, asked me to do something that goes against my morals and ethics. I am not going to LIE to a client, which is what they’re asking me to do.

I took over this account 2 months ago. For the last year, a colleague who left the company was running it.

My client was just bought by another company and the two companies are now merging.

I've already introduced myself to one of the companies' contacts as being "new" to the account. Yet, in an upcoming presentation we will give to the company that acquired my client, my company wants me to pretend and LIE to them by saying I've always been on the account.

That is very dangerous. I cannot speak to my former colleague's work, nor will I take personal responsibility for work that was not my own. What if the new client questions that work? I cannot speak to it, nor is it ethical!

I also will not lie and pretend I've been involved with the account longer than I have been. I said I don’t feel comfortable with speaking to my former colleague's work. That was my initial reply.

I know it’s in an effort to keep the client but there are alternative means, such as relying on our actual expertise!

I HATE my freaking company with a full-on passion now. I am in fact seeing bloody red over this issue. I am MOST upset.

They've put me into a very awkward position, and I have to stand up to them to say I won't lie. Which I will do.

Hopefully I won't get freaking fired, but I refuse to lie and I refuse to take responsibility for someone else's work.

What immoral leadership we have. I am thoroughly disgusted. This is not the only instance that I have seen them do this. 

I wish I had the means to just walk out the freaking door RIGHT NOW. I hate them. 

[duck]

On 1/15/2020 at 11:27 PM, womanofthelight said:

 . . . Like I should have died a long time ago.

No.  No.  No.    All of us have to meet up and have a huge reunion.

[duck]

12 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

DISGUSTED! 

On Friday the CEO’s son, who works at our company, asked me to do something that goes against my morals and ethics. I am not going to LIE to a client, which is what they’re asking me to do.

I took over this account 2 months ago. For the last year, a colleague who left the company was running it.

My client was just bought by another company and the two companies are now merging.

I've already introduced myself to one of the companies' contacts as being "new" to the account. Yet, in an upcoming presentation we will give to the company that acquired my client, my company wants me to pretend and LIE to them by saying I've always been on the account.

That is very dangerous. I cannot speak to my former colleague's work, nor will I take personal responsibility for work that was not my own. What if the new client questions that work? I cannot speak to it, nor is it ethical!

I also will not lie and pretend I've been involved with the account longer than I have been. I said I don’t feel comfortable with speaking to my former colleague's work. That was my initial reply.

I know it’s in an effort to keep the client but there are alternative means, such as relying on our actual expertise!

I HATE my freaking company with a full-on passion now. I am in fact seeing bloody red over this issue. I am MOST upset.

They've put me into a very awkward position, and I have to stand up to them to say I won't lie. Which I will do.

Hopefully I won't get freaking fired, but I refuse to lie and I refuse to take responsibility for someone else's work.

What immoral leadership we have. I am thoroughly disgusted. This is not the only instance that I have seen them do this. 

I wish I had the means to just walk out the freaking door RIGHT NOW. I hate them. 

This seems to be going on in everywhere. 

[sober4life]

14 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

DISGUSTED! 

On Friday the CEO’s son, who works at our company, asked me to do something that goes against my morals and ethics. I am not going to LIE to a client, which is what they’re asking me to do.

I took over this account 2 months ago. For the last year, a colleague who left the company was running it.

My client was just bought by another company and the two companies are now merging.

I've already introduced myself to one of the companies' contacts as being "new" to the account. Yet, in an upcoming presentation we will give to the company that acquired my client, my company wants me to pretend and LIE to them by saying I've always been on the account.

That is very dangerous. I cannot speak to my former colleague's work, nor will I take personal responsibility for work that was not my own. What if the new client questions that work? I cannot speak to it, nor is it ethical!

I also will not lie and pretend I've been involved with the account longer than I have been. I said I don’t feel comfortable with speaking to my former colleague's work. That was my initial reply.

I know it’s in an effort to keep the client but there are alternative means, such as relying on our actual expertise!

I HATE my freaking company with a full-on passion now. I am in fact seeing bloody red over this issue. I am MOST upset.

They've put me into a very awkward position, and I have to stand up to them to say I won't lie. Which I will do.

Hopefully I won't get freaking fired, but I refuse to lie and I refuse to take responsibility for someone else's work.

What immoral leadership we have. I am thoroughly disgusted. This is not the only instance that I have seen them do this. 

I wish I had the means to just walk out the freaking door RIGHT NOW. I hate them. 

Would I lie no.  Your company just doesn't want the other company to think the former employee bailed on the account.  They want them to think there was always one person working as hard as they can every day on their account.  If someone said while working on their account I'm out of here it does make the company look bad but it's not your problem.

[RiverLight]

1 minute ago, sober4life said:

Would I lie no.  Your company just doesn't want the other company to think the former employee bailed on the account.  They want them to think there was always one person working as hard as they can every day on their account.  If someone said while working on their account I'm out of here it does make the company look bad but it's not your problem.

Thanks, sober. I definitely will not put my butt on the line by lying and pretending I was on the account all this time. I'm going to tell them I refuse to lie to my client. Plus, my client already knows I am new on the account. 

[RiverLight]

What's upsetting is that I have integrity and strong morals, and my company does not. They are asking me to compromise my own principles of integrity. I am SO outraged by this...... I want to walk out the freaking door, give them the middle finger and tell them they can seriously F off.