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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #11

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Hey guys! It's been a little while!

I hope you're all doing well- hugs for those of you that aren't. And those of you that are.  Everyone deserves hugs.

I've been busy working my life out for the past week or so- right now I'm in a really interesting situation where psychologists are reassessing my autism diagnosis and trying to figure out if it's actually ADHD or it's a combination of both and if PTSD has a hand in it as well. Still, I'm glad I'm a step closer to getting some sort of answer about what's going on with me besides mental illness.

It's been strange to be comfortably content with my life- I've been a bit tired, but my energy levels have otherwise been excellent and it feels like all my negative thinking and all the fighting and strife in my life has faded a lot. I'm unnerved at the peace but I know it'll last if I make it last. Just trying to take things one day at a time instead of letting myself explode with anxiety about other life factors. 

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Hitting a depression peak (valley?) right about now. I've had a living situation for about three months but it ended and now I'm back to sleeping in the car. Still avoiding people and not getting on with my life. I have a couple of measly jobs that keep me from starving but still way underemployed, seriously in debt, disconnected from the world and a future. I don't know how to get out of this pit.

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On 1/3/2020 at 11:35 AM, JD4010 said:

Sink or swim. That's my current predicament. I have about one week to determine which it will be.

I have to either go very far outside of my comfort zone or I'll sink like a stone into the deepest trench at the bottom of the sea.

What's going on?  Do you feel like sharing?

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On 1/3/2020 at 2:53 PM, adamrparr said:

Quite bad.  Back in Memphis after a few days in Boston & Salem.  Not very happy to be back here.  Broken, worthless, despairing, bored & completely overwhelmed.  I really need today to be decent from a mental & emotional standpoint.

I hope you feel better.  How was your trip to Boston?

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14 hours ago, nojoy said:

Lousy. don't feel like doing anything except going to bed; where I spend 90% of the day.

Classic depression I think.    You are not alone.

 I spent sixteen hours in bed yesterday.  Prior to that I was in bed through the New Year celebrations for four days.  

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Hade a bad last night thinking about everything that happened in the last 13 years it’s crazy went through the hole thing in my head it took 2 and half hours to go through the hole thing so then I finally went to sleep at 1 in the morning 🙄

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18 hours ago, John_in_SF said:

Hitting a depression peak (valley?) right about now. I've had a living situation for about three months but it ended and now I'm back to sleeping in the car. Still avoiding people and not getting on with my life. I have a couple of measly jobs that keep me from starving but still way underemployed, seriously in debt, disconnected from the world and a future. I don't know how to get out of this pit.

For what little encouragement it's worth, John, I'm glad to see that you're at least posting and sharing what's going on. :console: (Honestly, I'm doin' pretty sh*tty myself)

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Posted (edited)
On 1/3/2020 at 8:21 PM, roadking02 said:

I have never had to deal with loss or death until now. I kind of knew things would end soon but I don't want it to.

Breaks my heart to hear about Shiloh.  I've been a pet parent for over 30 years to probably a dozen of 'em.  Most of their pix are in my gallery.  This is never easy.  In fact it was four of 'em back in 02 who saved me from exiting when I made the commitment - yes, out loud and through tears - to see each of them through their too-short lives.  I did and I have to say that fulfilling that promise the next 11 years is probably my proudest accomplishment.

But, trust me, Shiloh knows he's loved and that's the best gift any of us can give to our furballs.  What I often suggest is doing the search for rainbowsbridge.com to help you thru the process.  You''ll read heartfelt stories much as you find here. I found it's a wonderful way to memorialize my guys.  I'm wishing you both peace.

Edited by MarkintheDark

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2 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

Hade a bad last night thinking about everything that happened in the last 13 years it’s crazy went through the hole thing in my head it took 2 and half hours to go through the hole thing so then I finally went to sleep at 1 in the morning 🙄

I used to go through that every night.  It would begin right when I tried to go to sleep.

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5 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

For what little encouragement it's worth, John, I'm glad to see that you're at least posting and sharing what's going on. :console: (Honestly, I'm doin' pretty sh*tty myself)

And I am encouraged to see that Mr. Checkout is still among the quick.

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Question of the day:

How to remain sane and relatively happy in a totally dysfunctional work environment? 

My saving graces: 

At least I am happy outside of work
My loving husband 
My loving friends and family

But each day is a struggle at work. Each week seems to get worse there. My boss is SO uninspiring - the leadership all around is lacking and uninspiring.

The other day my boss said to us that he was conspiring to come up with an excuse to be able to leave work. He walks around glum all day and clearly does not want to be there. What kind of effect would that have on a team? A totally negative one. 

I applied for a job this weekend. That helped. My goal: one application per week. 

 

 

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I’m doing worse than usual because of problems at work and spending the holidays entirely alone since no one wanted me around but I got a kitten and he makes me feel better and gives me a reason to stick around, even if I’m still extremely depressed to the point I spend most of my time not working doing absolutely nothing

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On 1/5/2020 at 8:30 AM, duck said:

What's going on?  Do you feel like sharing?

The new interim boss wants me to really step up my game. My former boss left "notes" about my performance that were decidedly negative (big shock). 

There's pressure from above to inject new blood into the organization...and put the old horses out to pasture.

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1 hour ago, Derendia said:

I’m doing worse than usual because of problems at work and spending the holidays entirely alone since no one wanted me around but I got a kitten and he makes me feel better and gives me a reason to stick around, even if I’m still extremely depressed to the point I spend most of my time not working doing absolutely nothing

Welcome to DF! I have found that the best therapists on the planet walk around on four legs. I have two older cats myself. Enjoy your time with kitty!

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Still sick and my eyes hurt from lack of sleep, but oddly, I don't feel tired! ...meh! Maybe a little. I know I'll definitely need a nap today, but I just ate so...yeah, no, I think I AM tired. Lol But maybe coffee will change that. Gah! How I don't envy those of you who have to work! 😛 (sorry) 

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On 1/5/2020 at 12:16 PM, sober4life said:

Overall I feel hopeless.  This is a story where everyone thinks how could there possibly be a happy ending?

I feel hopeless most of the time too, but a little part of me makes me keep going ... 🙂

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