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How Do You Feel Right Now #11


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Feeling OK. Too busy with work to feel really bad or really good. I bought a car manufactured before 1990 some time ago. Really wanted to do so. I'm not going to drive it during the winter, though. I hope that man I chose to do the repairs manages to get the paintjob done well. Looking forward to driving the car in a few months. Maybe feeling a bit lonely, not much happening in my social life recently. A bit ignored by my friends, but I don't care that much. Also I have no clue why someone who started messaging me here suddenly just quit and deleted their account on some instant messenger. Just after they said they enjoyed my company. I guess I'll never find out what happened.

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1 hour ago, emptyman said:


Feeling OK. Too busy with work to feel really bad or really good. I bought a car manufactured before 1990 some time ago. Really wanted to do so. I'm not going to drive it during the winter, though. I hope that man I chose to do the repairs manages to get the paintjob done well. Looking forward to driving the car in a few months. Maybe feeling a bit lonely, not much happening in my social life recently. A bit ignored by my friends, but I don't care that much. Also I have no clue why someone who started messaging me here suddenly just quit and deleted their account on some instant messenger. Just after they said they enjoyed my company. I guess I'll never find out what happened.

I like old cars. If I had a place to work on and store an old vehicle, I would definitely have one. My daily driver is a 2006. It runs good but it is rusting away very quickly because of all the salt they use on the roads in the winter. At some point, the structure will become weakened from all the rust and I'll be forced to buy something else. I'd like to find another one just like it but they've all rusted badly around here. 

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Today has been a complete nightmare.  The amount of work that goes into keeping up this complete charade is unbelievable!  It has to be done though.  It's funny though how acting completely nuts and obsessed in private to make sure you're able to put on the show for the world is what it takes to appear to be normal.

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13 hours ago, emptyman said:


Feeling OK. Too busy with work to feel really bad or really good. I bought a car manufactured before 1990 some time ago. Really wanted to do so. I'm not going to drive it during the winter, though. I hope that man I chose to do the repairs manages to get the paintjob done well. Looking forward to driving the car in a few months. Maybe feeling a bit lonely, not much happening in my social life recently. A bit ignored by my friends, but I don't care that much. Also I have no clue why someone who started messaging me here suddenly just quit and deleted their account on some instant messenger. Just after they said they enjoyed my company. I guess I'll never find out what happened.

I know what you mean about a person talking to you, having a good time and all and then suddenly just vanishes out of your life. In my case, the person didn't delete their account, they just unfriended me. That was a real headscratcher. 😕

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I'm doing "okay" too. Just a little melancholy. I don't really do much for Christmas, so I'm still online all the time while folks seem to disappear for a few days to a week and I get super alone. I mean, I have my hubby, but he's doing his thing right now. Whatever! I'm just kinda bored.

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17 hours ago, sober4life said:

I can't wait until the holidays are over.  I feel like I could snap the whole time through.

Only like the holidays for no work. I have to put up with family re-union tomorrow. Honestly, I have to put up with people in my family I don't do well with. I think it's wrong for someone to talk negatively about you in family gatherings. Especially big time jocks.

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Christmas is a bitter time for me so I'm just trying to fill my head with things and people and the voices of friends but I then remember that for so many it's a time of happiness and family and stuff which leaves me kinda in the dumps. 

This year was the first year since I was a small child that I actually looked forward to Christmas with a family- both my fiance+'in laws' and actual parents. From maybe 11-16 it was just a tiring holiday. Then I had hope again and now that's not much. My actual parents are probably going to try to spoil me this year to make me feel better and I'll have to force out smiles. All my friends will be busy with their families. We all know how things went with my fiance.

I've heard that as you get older Christmas gets less and less exciting and happy. Knowing this, it'll probably never be this kind of innocently happy for me again. I'm sure I'll have a future family to look forward to the holidays to but it won't have that innocent joy of childhood and new love and grabbing someone's hand as we run into the snow. 

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

Still no sleep this is going to go exactly the way I figured it would go.:sniffle1:I hate my life!

Oh, no, sober, don't hate your life🙂..I was so hopeless, I couldn't sleep for a very long time but then something happened and it's much better now. Sometimes it takes time but I'm sure also your situation can get better although we have different troubles.

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21 minutes ago, Mikayla said:

Oh, no, sober, don't hate your life🙂..I was so hopeless, I couldn't sleep for a very long time but then something happened and it's much better now. Sometimes it takes time but I'm sure also your situation can get better although we have different troubles.

I slept for a couple of hours and then had a dream of being attacked by a dog and that was it for sleeping.  I have things I have to do all day today with both sides of my family.  I'm probably going to set coffee records today.

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I thought I wouldn't be so depressed on Christmas..there are some bright moments because my friends and neighbours are nice and because I can have a walk etc...but I'm sad  'cause I don't like being with my parents. I try to be nice to them normally but I'm just not able anymore. 

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@PraiseBrownies, I'm no psychic, but I just have this feeling you'll have good Christmases again.  You're right about the innocence, alas.  For me it was those Christmases I was permitted to have with my dad and his second wife alternating years.  For one, they actually celebrated it (there's a pic in my gallery of my best Christmas when I was 14), while the narcissist mother who had custody of me - a living hell - might manage a tabletop Christmas tree before trotting out to some damn cocktail party.  I have to say, too, the same went for Easter when I was a small kid.  Dad and my stepmother went all out with the Easter basket, hiding jelly beans, etc.

You've just been through a year of hell.  What bothers me the most is that you've had to endure this upheaval at your age.  I hope you find some peace during the holidays despite some of the hurts being so fresh.  (Actually, yeah, I've been there, too, albeit in my mid-30s.)

Again, I'm not psychic.  But I'm willing to bet you'll eventually find a different but satisfying flavor of Christmas in the years to come.  For me, that meant making my own Christmas as a young adult, drawing quite a bit on Christmases I'd had while I was still in school.  That's to say, Dad and my stepmother gave me a template that stuck with me.  Maybe you have a similar template within you.

Edited by MarkintheDark
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3 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

What bothers me the most is that you've had to endure this upheaval at your age

Y'know, the kind words you gave me resonated a lot. I have no doubt that I'll have happy holidays again. I'm not very optimistic, but I'm too stubborn to not find something to look forward to. However, this sentence felt like a punch in the face. Not from you, you didn't hurt me, it's more just exhaustion with my life.

I've always felt stuck in this awful position where I simply had to grow up too fast,  and yet I'm incredibly behind my peers. Some days I'm unbothered by the problems of being a teenager (My teachers or classmates or peer pressure have never been an issue, I've just grown to see things more important than that) but other days I need to be reminded to eat and drink and take baths like I'm 5, and my social skills are those of a kid too. (No filter, trouble understanding people, too many 'why' questions)

Every time I'm told "welcome to the real world" when I complain about being upset or depressed, I can only wonder how adults do it- live with so much exhaustion and upheaval and bad change and misery and then I realize it's because they usually have so much more time and experience and patience before the pain hits. I meanwhile got thrown straight into it headfirst outta the womb. 

I feel like I face the emotional problems of someone who's 30 while also physically struggling to be 5 and remembering that I'm neither of those ages. I'd love for my only problems to be "hey i gotta get my license next week and I have a date this saturday and a project due in a month". 

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