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20YearsandCounting

How Do You Feel Right Now #11

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Over 200 pages! Zowie!  Where have I been?  Time to start a new thread!

11 hours ago, iWantRope said:

Remember with bigger salary is far greater responsibilities. Sure, the recruiter thinks you have sufficient experience for the role, but still be prepared for more than enough stress to bring you near the edge of that old breakdown; Senior Directors are answerable to many.

 

10 hours ago, RiverLight said:
11 hours ago, iWantRope said:

Remember with bigger salary is far greater responsibilities. Sure, the recruiter thinks you have sufficient experience for the role, but still be prepared for more than enough stress to bring you near the edge of that old breakdown; Senior Directors are answerable to many.

Um. I am nowhere near another breakdown. I have fully recovered, thanks. And I am more than capable of handling stress, which I have proven in my current and past roles. Thanks for the support. 

 

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h/t @20YearsandCounting for keeping this thread going.

Slow out of the gate this morning.  I assume it's still b/c of throwing myself into projects all month I feel I need to complete on a relatively short timescale.   Just over two months until I'm tossed out of here by a new, standoffish, enigmatic landlord who's made no secret he wants me out on time.

Mostly took the w/e off, which surprised me that I was able to do.  It's just hard to get back in the game.  And, yeah, I feel as beaten up by the cycles as the Colts' Andrew Luck.

This morning's anxiety attack has been just manageable.  Just.  Barely.  I hate that I still have to fight it.  It would be better if I had reliable, consistent relief, but I don't see the pdoc until the 13th and even then idk if he'll agree to the Xanax, as much success as I've had with a friend helping me with that.  Heck, a quarter tab, even after all these months, and I'm good to go within an hour or so.

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@iWantRope I’d like you to know that since that breakdown, I worked my butt off and raised my salary from 35k to 90k in five years. I’ve earned my Senior title. Despite some anxiety I still have, I’m more than equipped to handle a Senior Director role at this stage in my life. I deserve it, and I’ve worked hard to get there. I am fully qualified for the position and have been at a strategic leadership level for many years.   It’s not in the cards for me to go backwards. I’m thriving and am doing very well. 

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Posted (edited)

Frustrated, angry, humiliated.  I returned the call from my 30-something benefits counselor who suggested we get together today.  I managed to pull myself together and do it.

While we covered only the most basic medical result - which is NOT an indication of my overall health - I knew it would be touchy sharing my financial situation.  I told him I needed solutions and we started to examine options.  It started to go badly when he rolled his eyes over something I said and, a few minutes later told me not to take out my frustrations on him.  I wasn't.  I was hurting and fearful, never directing any of that at him.

Like some others with whom I've butted heads, he seems to think that someone who's lived with HIV for 27 years has no more issues than an otherwise strong, healthy 20-something who's newly-diagnosed.  Hell, I'm almost 64.

Hyped-up on coffee as he was, he didn't get it.  I closed my folio and walked out.  He's supposedly a "star" in the clinic.  Well, I don't need a "star."  And I'm not going to get into a p*ssing contest with someone completely lacking empathy.  I feel I'm truly stuck alone and no one gives a damn.

Edited by MarkintheDark

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1 hour ago, MarkintheDark said:

Frustrated, angry, humiliated.  I returned the call from my 30-something benefits counselor who suggested we get together today.  I managed to pull myself together and do it.

While we covered only the most basic medical result - which is NOT an indication of my overall health - I knew it would be touchy sharing my financial situation.  I told him I needed solutions and we started to examine options.  It started to go badly when he rolled his eyes over something I said and, a few minutes later told me not to take out my frustrations on him.  I wasn't.  I was hurting and fearful, never directing any of that at him.

Like some others with whom I've butted heads, he seems to think that someone who's lived with HIV for 27 years has no more issues than an otherwise strong, healthy 20-something who's newly-diagnosed.  Hell, I'm almost 64.

Hyped-up on coffee as he was, he didn't get it.  I closed my folio and walked out.  He's supposedly a "star" in the clinic.  Well, I don't need a "star."  And I'm not going to get into a p*ssing contest with someone completely lacking empathy.  I feel I'm truly stuck alone and no one gives a damn.

From my experience in life usually the ones labeled as stars are the worst ones.  I wonder if anyone has empathy anymore.  It seems like no matter what's going on in life you're alone in this world.  

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Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, sober4life said:

From my experience in life usually the ones labeled as stars are the worst ones. 

This is the second time I've butted heads with one of their "stars," the first one being a therapist last spring.  Ironically, that jackass was hanging around their front desk today and, though we locked eyes for a moment as I was having my usual (in fact, jovial) interaction with the staff, he then made himself scarce.

I came home and laid out the draft of another complaint which I'm holding off submitting for at least 24, probably longer, until I cool off.  Nice thing is that I can turn a phrase, going on the permanent record in a bcc email to his boss - I laid out a strong enough case to get one smug, disrespectful idiot fired several months ago - and there's nothing this jerk can do about what I write.  Oh, it won't get him fired but, being 25 years my junior, he'll sweat a little.

This one's another ambitious, arrogant, can-do-no-wrong type.  I'll be damned if I'll be bullied by someone young enough to be my son.  I'm still fuming.

Edited by MarkintheDark

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1 hour ago, MarkintheDark said:

This is the second time I've butted heads with one of their "stars," the first one being a therapist last spring.  Ironically, that jackass was hanging around their front desk today and, though we locked eyes for a moment as I was having my usual (in fact, jovial) interaction with the staff, he then made himself scarce.

I came home and laid out the draft of another complaint which I'm holding off submitting for at least 24, probably longer, until I cool off.  Nice thing is that I can turn a phrase, going on the permanent record in a bcc email to his boss - I laid out a strong enough case to get one smug, disrespectful idiot fired several months ago - and there's nothing this jerk can do about what I write.  Oh, it won't get him fired but, being 25 years my junior, he'll sweat a little.

This one's another ambitious, arrogant, can-do-no-wrong type.  I'll be damned if I'll be bullied by someone young enough to be my son.  I'm still fuming.

Sometimes you have to lay down the law, I hate that term. 

But it is good you spoke up for yourself.  It is also good that you are not being too trigger happy about it.  Hope you can calm down.

Right now: I feel a bit hopeful and irritated.  I have work this week for tomorrow at least.  As much as I would rather work at night because it is cooler, I prefer days. 

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Posted (edited)

 

Just now, MarkintheDark said:

This is the second time I've butted heads with one of their "stars," the first one being a therapist last spring.  Ironically, that jackass was hanging around their front desk today and, though we locked eyes for a moment as I was having my usual (in fact, jovial) interaction with the staff, he then made himself scarce.

I came home and laid out the draft of another complaint which I'm holding off submitting for at least 24, probably longer, until I cool off.  Nice thing is that I can turn a phrase, going on the permanent record in a bcc email to his boss - I laid out a strong enough case to get one smug, disrespectful idiot fired several months ago - and there's nothing this jerk can do about what I write.  Oh, it won't get him fired but, being 25 years my junior, he'll sweat a little.

This one's another ambitious, arrogant, can-do-no-wrong type.  I'll be damned if I'll be bullied by someone young enough to be my son.  I'm still fuming.

Sorry to hear Martin.  I had a similar experience with a CVS pharmacist about a year and a half back.  I won't do details, only believe I was in the right.  Pharmacists have been given the final say on filling prescriptions, and can deny doctors orders.  Again 30-something, Nazi in training.  He told me he didn't have to explain anything to anyone and he was doing me a favor just talking to me.  Huh? I challenged him enough that his whole head became beet red.  I hoped it might explode.

Like you I wrote:  The US Department of Pharmacology, Nevada State Pharmacological Association, and the store in which he worked.  Printed the letters up and used snail mail.  I think he was guillotined, but I don't know that.

Bulgakov

Edited by Bulgakov
e

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How do I feel? Very tired. Slept only three hours before waking up tonight. (My usual has been five.) Then my mind starts reeling and I don't know how to stop it. So I got up and came here to write and listen to some music. Better than lying in bed with my mind on perpetual repeat.

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Posted (edited)

I had to take several stupid qualifying tests for this much higher paying job, and the math test timed out before I could finish. So I may not even make it to the interview stage, but I may have another job offer from a different company. IF I get the offer, I may have to just take it. I cannot afford to pick and choose right now given our current circumstances. My husband's hours and pay were recently cut, which is a problem for us. We need the money. 

Edited by RiverLight

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Tired.  Got to sleep in this morning.  Glad I have work tonight. 

My chest still hurts a little and I have foregone working out for a few days and will do for a few days more.  Since I have decreased my physical activity I have a surplus of energy and I have been angrier as a result of it. 

Realizing that I still have personal changes to make.  Find a social group or two.  Study more for work.  So I feel a bit unsure and somewhat overwhelmed. 

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22 hours ago, sober4life said:

I fixed my toilet.  The 2 days I spent trying to figure it out will really matter in 30 or so years when I'm dust.  I feel pretty good today I guess.

Best quote of the day, right there.

The tank on my old toilet has been dripping for weeks. I put a pan underneath it and dump out the water twice/day. This little chore gives me something to look forward to.

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3 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

Not as anxious this morning.  Only an 7 on the Twitchter Scale. I'll take it!

Hahaha. Twitchter Scale!

I'm at a 3 on that scale today. Boss is out of the office most of the day, which will give me a chance to wade through a big chunk of the 600+ emails that were awaiting me when I got back from the week-long vacation.

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6 hours ago, RiverLight said:

I had to take several stupid qualifying tests for this much higher paying job, and the math test timed out before I could finish. So I may not even make it to the interview stage, 

Math test for a E-commerce Director role? (I think this company can't even afford to purchase calculators LOL) instead of testing for leadership? You're not interviewing to be a mathematician!

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i don't like how they say there is help out there, each out.... but the truth is there isn't much especially for people who can't get any relief of their symptoms, and doctors don't have a clue, yet they pretend to say "i understand" it's such a lie, and hypocrisy it annoys me

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42 minutes ago, iWantRope said:

Math test for a E-commerce Director role? (I think this company can't even afford to purchase calculators LOL) instead of testing for leadership? You're not interviewing to be a mathematician!

Yeah kind of weird. However I do a lot of data analysis and statistical reporting and this role is similar in that way. Still weird though, I agree. 

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18 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

i don't like how they say there is help out there, each out.... but the truth is there isn't much especially for people who can't get any relief of their symptoms, and doctors don't have a clue, yet they pretend to say "i understand" it's such a lie, and hypocrisy it annoys me

I would say if you understand what did I just say to you?  I bet they wouldn't even be able to tell us what we just told them.

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