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If I ever consider just moving away from this hell-hole just to find someone to casually date that is attractive to me, taking a break from college, I hit a brick wall because I need to take care of my Mom, who's disabled. Since her condition worsens with time, we as a family know that eventually she will have to move into a nursing home, but we don't really know when that will be.

I need to clarify something. I don't actually wish for this to happen, and that's because she's the only person in my family who I actually love. I always lie to my dad when I tell him I love him back. My brother's awful, and my dad is an idiot for saying I have conflicts with him simply because he's 'different' than me. He's also stupid enough to actually think I value family at an inherent level because he goes on saying, 'when me and your Mom are gone, he's the only family you've got.'

... Like I care. He's the type of person who I would go to the funeral of just to punch the crap out of their corpse's face. My dad, that is. My brother? I would get dragged away from the funeral, I wouldn't be able to stop punching him.

But back to the topic proper, I don't think I'll have the chance to find anyone attractive to me. Because when years pass, and my Mom does move into such a place, I'm starting to wonder if I will be able to get a date with anyone else in their 20s, even if I move to somewhere like LA with more diversity, because I have no contact with people of my same counterculture offline, and these inbred idiots on any dating site I've tried said stupid crap such as 'lol you're still emo? grow up', the bloody morons. And in case you want to twist my words, my dating profiles never hate people because they aren't emo, I just plainly state I'm only attracted to other emos, so if some guy isn't but messages me anyway, I automatically will reject him. The aesthetic of emohood actually seen in real life is nowhere as interesting as it was in the mid-2000s, and I bet it will get worse. I remember seeing a forum post not too long ago (posted 2011 or briefly after, but I read it in 2017) where some member of inthe00s.com proudly stated he and his coworkers beat up anyone in the workplace in the early 2000s just for listening to a particular band on their mp3 player, WITHOUT blaring it around to where anyone could hear it. Crap is so hard to believe.

Anyone I see around me doesn't get to a 1 on my 0 to 10 scale, and I think I will die a virgin. If I don't, I'll probably only ever get laid with some ugly as purgatory (in my mind) dude.  Really anything sympathetic or providing a solution will help, the former because I don't think there is a solution to my problem.

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