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lostsoul65

Hitting the Wall

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I'm been depressed for 17 years and over the last couple of weeks it has been getting worse. Today I'm a 9 and I wrote my nut doctor that I just want to put my dog in my car and go and don't care where. However I'm 72 with no friends or family and no place to go and if I got there what would I do because no matter where on earth I go I will still be alone. Sure I can go to church for 1 hour and then I only have 167 more hours to be alone. Thank god I have a dog because 3 1/2 years ago if it wasn't for my dog I would have went into the mental ward for good because I just can't make it on the outside. Like the lifers in the Army that they say that they can't make it on the outside. I hated the Army but if I know then what I know now I would have stayed in for 40 years. I spent 3 days in the mental ward and I like it because I wasn't lonely.

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I am like you except I have family that has not spoken to me since the end of Feb when my daughters decided that they could no longer deal with 'my drama' and I have 2 brothers, one who I have not seen or heard from since he took what he wanted from our mother's house after she died, the other brother, well the only time I hear from him is when he needs a ride to the doctor and his son and daughter-in-law aren't available. I would be better off if I had no family, then I could blame the pain of being lonely on not having a family. I have no  friends, lots of acquaintances but no real friends.  

A lot of people don't understand depression and don't understand why I don't always feel like doing anything and some days I don't even want to be around people. 

I have been trying to figure out where to go for Christmas since I will be alone. The therapist suggested that I go somewhere to get away from the traditions I am use to. But where could I go that I would not be thinking about what I am missing.

Please let me know how you are coping. It is good to know that I am not the only one who experiences loneliness.

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Real life family hasn't been here to the house since March for my birthday.  I don't expect them to ever come here again.  I haven't had friends in years.  My pets are outside animals that keep me here.  When they leave during the colder months I probably will too.

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Hi LostSoul65,

    Wow.  I can really identify with what you wrote.  I am 64 years old and feel many of the same things you describe.  Loneliness is brutal.  I don't have a dog but have thought about getting one.  I find that loneliness is not only sad but stressful.  Do you experience that too?   - epictetus

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I know that all families fuss and fight. I do have one cousin who I see every couple of months. At 64 years old I would really get a dog. I can only speak from my side but a mid size dog is a dog that I can relate to. I have a Irish Setter but the best dog is a Golden Retriever which I had for 10 years. I feel if you get a small dog, why not just get a Rat (LOL) they are smart and would make good company while watching TV. I have a small case of agoraphobia so I fill my car up with gas about every other month and that's no good. How do I deal with loneliness is I have a dog and if she (Females make great house pets) dies before me I will enter the mental ward like I did when I lost my Golden Retriever. Live isn't easy. I have a yard with 8 Weeping Willow trees and they are all in about a thousand square feet and they are my children and I take very good care of them which is another way I deal with life. Thank you all for replying to my post.

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Just now, lostsoul65 said:

I have a yard with 8 Weeping Willow trees and they are all in about a thousand square feet and they are my children and I take very good care of them which is another way I deal with life. T

Hi Lost, I'm sorry to hear of your (our) situation.  It's a common thread--loneliness--running through the posts.  I don't know if lonely people are likely to be depressed or vice versa . . . probably both happening.  I'm always lonely, I think, but not always depressed.  If I'm involved in something, anything for me, I don't notice the loneliness so much.  It's good you mention plants.  It's a cliche that someone has a plant they talk to.  Plants are great though.  When I had room for a vegetable garden, I always had one.  In the 60s, and 70s, house plants were more of a thing.  If you didn't have a Wandering Jew, or a Piggyback plant and cuttings going, then a house wasn't complete.  House plants don't really have a place in the digital age.  So thanks for reminding me.  I'm going to get a house plant.  Stay friends with your willows!

Bulgakov the Green

Edited by Bulgakov

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On ‎8‎/‎16‎/‎2019 at 8:11 PM, BeyondWeary said:

I can relate to loneliness too even when people are around. I just don’t fit in very easily. I have learned (with some work) to be my own best friend which helps some. 

BW

I have an American mouth if you know what that means. Anyway I had an Indian girlfriend from India and she was very upper class so I never said anything without first thinking about what I was going to say and I thank if I'm around people I don't know I should do the same thing and making a habit of it is a good thing. Letting your mouth run wild is a good way not to make friends so I need to be careful.

PS: Does anyone know how I can get an email when someone reply's to my Post?

Edited by lostsoul65

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