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rhyl

Back and struggling

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It's been awhile since I was last here. Doesn't matter why I went away or why I likely won't stay long, but I came back because I am *really* struggling and I've nowhere else to go.

I'm in therapy (that's a story in and of itself) and I participate in a ptsd forum, but feel unwelcome in both right now.  I love my therapist, but right now he is just not being very helpful.  I could quit, but I will NOT start over again with someone new.  I'm not on meds because I've been on everything I can afford and nothing helps. Lots of expectation in the ptsd forum, none of which I can manage at the moment, so here I am.

I don't even know what to say, except that I'm feeling so old (I am old, but I have never felt it) and so useless and so regretful.  I think about death all the time; mine, my mom's, my cats', everyone's.  The unending depression is bad enough, but that (irrational, I guess) belief that whatever I think might come true is making me a strong enemy of my thoughts.

Nothing helps. Ever.

 

 

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I am so sorry to hear about what you have been going through. It sounds like a tough situation, and I know it's hard on you.

Keep reaching out. Find positive outlets. Journaling might help you clear your mind as well. Get your thoughts down somewhere. It might help.

As for your therapist, do you think he'll be more aware of things if you just admit to him that he's not helping? Perhaps he can switch to different solutions or techniques. That's what he's there for- just be honest.

Please, hang in there. We're always here to help and listen.

I wish you the best

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Hi Rhy,

     I'm sorry you are being assailed by such depressing thoughts.  I wish I knew what to say, but I am not well today and my mind is really a blank.  Although I am not in your shoes, I am not a stranger to the things you mentioned.  Sometimes I am consumed by thoughts like that.  They are just awful.  I hope you will be okay!

- epictetus

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Posted (edited)
On 7/24/2019 at 11:02 PM, Rattler6 said:

I take it that it is not treatable?  I hope the cat does not suffer. 

It is treatable to an extent. Not curable. Not sure how long she has, but I am treating with chemo.

Edited by rhyl

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