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MaepleSyrup

How does one get over bad habits?

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I wanted to ask for your guys' advice. Sometimes I struggle getting rid of bad habits or activities I do personally-- but I honestly want some help.

What my bad habits are specifically, I will not share. Mainly because I can't bring myself to share them. But what has helped you guys overcome bad addictions or habits? What would you recommend to a friend who's in the same situation you used to be in?

I'm kind of in a hole. And I'm trying to dig my way out.

Wishing you all the best

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Our brain doesn't see the bad addiction or bad habit as a bad thing.  It sees it as a reward or we wouldn't get addicted to the things.  You have to replace the bad habit with something healthy that the brain still sees as a reward.  You have to figure out what your brain likes enough to allow yourself to ignore the bad habit.

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5 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Our brain doesn't see the bad addiction or bad habit as a bad thing.  It sees it as a reward or we wouldn't get addicted to the things.  You have to replace the bad habit with something healthy that the brain still sees as a reward.  You have to figure out what your brain likes enough to allow yourself to ignore the bad habit.

That makes a lot of sense. I appreciate the quick reply, Sober--

I'll plot some things down and think it through. Thank you so much :D

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The main thing to remember is if you slip don't feel bad about it.  Your mind will beg you all day for the addictive thing and the second you give in your mind will beat you up and make you feel bad about doing that thing because it knows the depression it causes from beating you down will continue the cycle.  If you slip own it enjoy it and say I'm going to do better tomorrow.  I relapsed probably 100 times before it stuck for me.  Your brain just wants to feel better in an impossible world and your brain will eventually move on to other things.

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

The main thing to remember is if you slip don't feel bad about it.  Your mind will beg you all day for the addictive thing and the second you give in your mind will beat you up and make you feel bad about doing that thing because it knows the depression it causes from beating you down will continue the cycle.  If you slip own it enjoy it and say I'm going to do better tomorrow.  I relapsed probably 100 times before it stuck for me.  Your brain just wants to feel better in an impossible world and your brain will eventually move on to other things.

Yes, what you said is true. I have never been able to fully put the situation into words myself, and it helps reading what you described it to be.

@Epictetus @evalynn @sober4life

I really appreciate the advice you all gave. I feel so much better just by reaching out to you all and reading your replies. I'm on a full day one right now so far. I'm eager to conquer it!

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Also that part of your brain that tries to con you into doing the addictive thing is what we call the disease.  There will be a literal argument in our heads.  Technically we all have free will but that part of our brain has expert level manipulation abilities.  When we were created that part of the brain was probably made to help make sure we stayed emotionally stable but whatever created us had no idea we would encounter very powerful drugs in our day to day life that are almost impossible to control yourself on.  Even sugar there's nothing really more addictive than sugar and we all consume it.  Anyway if you ever need advice you can send me a message any time.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

Also that part of your brain that tries to con you into doing the addictive thing is what we call the disease.  There will be a literal argument in our heads.  Technically we all have free will but that part of our brain has expert level manipulation abilities.  When we were created that part of the brain was probably made to help make sure we stayed emotionally stable but whatever created us had no idea we would encounter very powerful drugs in our day to day life that are almost impossible to control yourself on.  Even sugar there's nothing really more addictive than sugar and we all consume it.  Anyway if you ever need advice you can send me a message any time.

Thank you so much for that thorough explanation. It really does help me understand the overall image of this. And I greatly appreciate that :)

And how kind of you to offer-- I'll certainly remember that. Thanks again, Sober. This thread has helped me more than you could imagine!

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Wish I had the answer. I've got some terrible habits, I'll do things in full knowledge that I'll feel bad because of it after but I do it anyway. I'd go as far as saying it's self-sabotage. 

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4 minutes ago, RichW said:

Wish I had the answer. I've got some terrible habits, I'll do things in full knowledge that I'll feel bad because of it after but I do it anyway. I'd go as far as saying it's self-sabotage. 

Oh I agree-- that's one good way to put it. It's a tough thing to get out of, but we can definitely conquer it :)

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2 hours ago, RichW said:

Wish I had the answer. I've got some terrible habits, I'll do things in full knowledge that I'll feel bad because of it after but I do it anyway. I'd go as far as saying it's self-sabotage. 

At the end of my drinking I kept doing it even though I knew it would make me feel bad and I honestly hated it.  Change is so hard.  Sometimes even if what we're doing is miserable it's still familiar and we know how to get through it so we will choose to keep doing it instead of moving on to the unknown.

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It helps me to remember that I have old pathways in my brain that are deep. Yet I can create new pathways that are healthier and they will deepen over time. I also imagine the habit as something that is really slow acting poison in disguise. This help me choose differently. I wish you the best on your endeavors. 

BW

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23 hours ago, BeyondWeary said:

It helps me to remember that I have old pathways in my brain that are deep. Yet I can create new pathways that are healthier and they will deepen over time. I also imagine the habit as something that is really slow acting poison in disguise. This help me choose differently. I wish you the best on your endeavors. 

BW

Thank you. I completely agree with you too.

Ever since I brought it up, I haven't spent a thought or two on it since. Still have not given into it-- the journey is going along well!

I support you and your pathway. I also wish you the best on this journey :)

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On 7/16/2019 at 2:51 PM, MaepleSyrup said:

Oh I agree-- that's one good way to put it. It's a tough thing to get out of, but we can definitely conquer it :)

 

On 7/16/2019 at 5:27 PM, sober4life said:

At the end of my drinking I kept doing it even though I knew it would make me feel bad and I honestly hated it.  Change is so hard.  Sometimes even if what we're doing is miserable it's still familiar and we know how to get through it so we will choose to keep doing it instead of moving on to the unknown.

I've had periods where I've avoided bad habits. Well it was easier to avoid eating crap and drinking too much when I was unemployed and couldn't afford to, plus I was walking all over as I couldn't afford the bus. People still talk about welfare as if it's so generous and an easy life - it wasn't for me, yeah I lost a lot of weight without really trying, but with so much time on your hands, particularly when you're prone to overthinking as it is, it was hell. 

So yeah, sometimes circumstances make it easier to break some bad cycles but the pessimist in me says that not doing something because you can't afford to isn't an achievement. It's thought patterns that are the worst for me. I eat crap and drink too much knowing full well that I'll feel bad for it because in my mind I deserve to feel bad. I'm fully aware how ridiculous it sounds, I wouldn't expect it of anyone else. There's nothing special about me, but that shouldn't be a bad thing. Quite the opposite really, I'm not going to acheive anything amazing, the pressure should be off but I still hold myself to ridiculous standards. Even if I make the most minor and easily reversible mistakes, I'll give myself hell for it. Sometimes I think I could save the world and I'd beat myself for not doing it quick enough or better. It's ridiculous, I know. And I know I'm only human, I know I have many flaws. That's people, we've all got them. Just for some reason that I've never understood, I find other people''s flaws and mistakes much more acceptable and forgiveable than my own. I know it's wrong, but that's my normality. I wish I could just flick a switch and think "to hell with it, I'm not going to worry about this today, I don't care that I'm not perfect". I keep trying to flick that switch with alcohol but it never works and I know it never works but I keep doing it anyway. And that just becomes another stick to beat myself with, why do I keep repeating stupid pointless patterns, when will I learn, why can't I be stronger willed? I'm fully aware of what I should do and shouldn't do, what I should think and what's a waste of time and energy. I know where I'm going wrong, and where I should go right, I just don't know how to. Even when I try to make positive changes, like going to the gym, it feels like I'm lying to myself. Losing weight won't solve all my problems. Yeah, I might feel more worthwhile as a person if I do but I feel like that'd be wrong. Doesn't matter how much weight I or anyone else loses, we're still the same person and weight really shouldn't be a measure of worth but by wanting to lose weight I feel like I'm subscribing to a myth. I'm an imposotor.

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There's nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight imo. You would most likely be healthier for it and yeah, you'll probably look better too, what's wrong with that?

I believe making the best of yourself is showing the world that you are taking good self care. I find when I smarten up, people around me respond to that and smarten up their attitude towards me. I mean, by rights we shouldn't be judgemental about the way someone looks and I wouldn't advocate that; but looking at it from my point of view; when I see someone looking fierce, I see self love and it is very attractive.

It doesn't feel fair but the love tends to flow back to you the more you love yourself.  I know it's when we need it the most we don't get it isnt it? It's one of those weird paradoxes of life.

I think the way you present yourself to the world is very powerful and is making a statement about how you feel about yourself.  We can fake it though too. Fake it till we make it. That can be helpful. 

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