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FerryJerry

All my Fears and insecurities

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Today I was supposed to go on a boat trip to a remote island and it was a 4hour trip and I hardly slept because my fear of landing on the Island was too much to cope with

I worried that there was no cell reception, that the boat just left you there on your own for hours and went off fishing

I was scared of the weather I was scared of being alone and having a panic attack and not being able to get help but most of all I feared not getting off the island and not easily being able to get on or off of the boat because of my bad leg and I also feared the weather

It kept me awake and the anxiety was so bad that I didn't sleep and I made myself ill through worry, It went right to my tummy

Then I got several calls and emails I didn't want that caused me anxiety one of the calls was the boat people cancelled the trip due to bad fog

I didn't realise how bad my mental health is and how much I depend on my partner for moral support and because she couldn't come as she gets sea sick I couldn't cope alone

I've tried to get therapy but they keep cancelling on me at the last moment and there don't seem to be any private therapists here

I've never felt so scared and alone as I have done today, I don't want to go on the Island I just wanted photos closer towards it. I've emailed another fisher boat and asked if they offer a non landing trip because that wouldn't worry me as much

If there was people and facilities on the Island I would cope but it's just a 99 hectares island made by a volcano and it's filled with birds, an old abandoned light house, castle and small house but people are allowed to visit the Island

I feel stupid for being so worked up over a boat trip

 

Jerry

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Hi Jerry, I think your feelings are very understandable for someone who has metal health issues. I would most likely feel the same. So be gentle on yourself. Maybe you could try an on-line therapist. Getting the help you need is a good thing to do for yourself.

BW

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You sound like me every time I think about going on vacation anywhere.  Why don't you go on vacation people say?  Because it's a nightmare!  There's no such thing as a vacation for me at least not like other people see it.

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