Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
SqueezeWax

I'm thinking about quitting therapy

Recommended Posts

Posted (edited)

I will barely be seeing my psychologist (the most favorite of all I've had) of 1 year and roughly five months anymore. Once at month at most from now on, if at all, because of reasons beyond either of our control. We were seeing each other on a weekly basis until the end of last year, when he was getting booked solid every other week. Now I practically won't be seeing him at all. He sprung this up on me yesterday, and he gave me an out, asking I felt it was worth continuing if we'd be seeing each other so little. I elected to see him as much as I could, but I've realized it would be almost pointless.

My therapist (LPC) of going on four years has admitted he doesn't know what else to do for me--we've been spinning our wheels.  He's been pressing me to see a family therapist with my father and mother for the past six months. Practically as we've talked about for six months is how badly I need to get in with a family therapist. He's had no interest in discussing anything else. The ball is finally rolling on that. I've met with the family therapist alone already, my mother has seen him as well, and my father will have his own meeting with him Saturday.

Anyway, I don't think there is anything else he expects me to do. He clearly thinks were at the end of the road. I don't think I'm quite ready yet to be left without my own therapist yet. But I don't think this guy has seen enough progress over all these years to justify continuing. 

I see an art therapist as well. While our sessions can be interesting, I have a hard time being entirely open about my thoughts and feelings to her. I'm getting tired creating a artistic record of all my negative thoughts and experiences, too. Thats was art therapy essential amounts to. 

This would be a big decision. I've been at this going on 5 years now. Four therapists, ECT and TMS treatments, inpatient and outpatient hospitalizations, a clinical trial, countless antidepressants. I regret getting so deep into this. I wish I  could erase the past five years, and start over with one therapist,  a med to help me sleep, and a med to control an extremely disruptive nervous tic I've had for 15 years now--and nothing else. 

Depression has become my hobby. 

Edited by SqueezeWax

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is a tough one and, although I haven't traveled nearly as long a road as you, I'll give a li'l feedback.

One question immediately comes to mind and that is how are you doing with your meds, if any?  Are you working with a pdoc on that?

Secondly, despite his newly limited availability, you seem to like your current psychologist.  And you've made, imo, a considerable step in progressing to family therapy.  Do you think, circumstances having changed, that some therapeutic consistency would be useful as a bridge?  Seems to me some new stuff may come up and you may be more comfortable initially discussing them with him.

Third, if the art therapy isn't doing it for you, perhaps that's the one to prune first.

idk about you, but major changes in my mental health care can upset me.  Though I decided a few months ago to ditch my T because he no longer was providing consistent guidance and direction - leaving upset me temporarily, but I felt it necessary - I've stuck with my pdoc with whom I've been having considerable success on my meds.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

I think I will ask to continue to see my therapist--who I also like quite a lot-- until the end of the year, when I should finally be getting my degree at long last in early December, if he agrees to. Then we could conclude. 

The news my psychologist broke yesterday morning didn't hit me until a few hours later. I left his office perfectly composed, but by that afternoon I was crying buckets on and off. Not sobbing, but shedding of tears.  And I don't cry often.

I think partly it was because I know a chapter of my life is coming to an end, and I'm not entirely ready for it. I've also been reviewing my life over the past couple of weeks, and I'm filled with regret over countless things I've done, mistakes I've made, and experiences I've had over all 30 years of my life that have led me to be the way I am.  I admire the two men who have been my therapists so much. I want nothing more than to be a functional, competent, attractive, educated successful individual with a full life like they are. I'm tired to being a dysfunctional, socially incompetent--generally incompetent--dependent 'freak' who lives with his parents at age 30 with no friends and an inability to keep a job. 

 

Edited by SqueezeWax

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As far as meds, I was recently taken off klonopin by my psychiatrist. It was used to help control a tic I have--a head jerk--but it wasn't working as well for the past two months. Since I've been off it for a week, the tic has only become worse. I hope I can convince him to prescribe it again. I asked to be prescribed clonodine to replace it, which has only been making me drowsy. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

I've read many articles on this topic over the years, and I've just come across one written by a psychologist thundering about 'masochistic' experiences she's had with clients who 'drained' her--the client expecting her to fix their lives, her toiling away as they did nothing. I think my current therapist (LPC) used that same expression--I thought he would 'fix my life'--during our last session. Now I'm again debating whether I should continue with him at all. I wonder if he feels as much resentment towards me as this therapist does towards 'sadistic' clients.

Edited by SqueezeWax

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are a lot of people who are not able to help themselves effectively.  I used to be like that.  I found out how to make things happen.  I got tired of feeling like a ****ing ***** and started doing things differently.  Yes, I am still pissed about my lack of initiative and results.  Then again if I was struggling with learned helplessness.

Best wishes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I saw the art therapist today, and told her what's going on with the other two, and we agreed to end things between us too after six more sessions. 

I can barely remember what it's like not to have a therapist, or two or three, to talk to on a regular basis. I feel lonely for the first time since I was in junior high 15 years ago. I had been content with being alone since then. I feel sad I won't have them in my life anymore, even knowing them just as men at work. I long to be normal and functional, or even exceptional in the case of my psychologist, like they are. I want to remain in their orbit even if I'm just another client. 

I think I've been too immersed in a depressed persons lifestyle and I know it's best that I finally move on. I hate that my therapist has long stopped expecting me to listen to or do anything he tells to because I know he's absolutely right to have his doubts. I would like to have a therapist to see me through the end of the year when I finally graduate, but I wouldn't blame him if he thought it would be futile. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

I told my father about this tonight and he started weeping in the middle of the pizza place we were at. 

There's nothing that can be done about the psychologist. He's not available to me any longer. Or at least only to a very limited extent.

The therapist is humoring me at this point, being my professional paid friend. He knows the score. 

The art therapy wasn't something I enjoyed or benefitted much from. I frankly only did it because I thought it would please the psychologist. It was his idea.

He sees any choice on my part to even lessen the amount of therapy I receive as an almost suicidal act. I thought he would see this as some glimmer of progress on my part. That I felt I was ready to deal with my feelings without a battery of therapists and doctors assisting me for years and years and years on end. I completely ****ed up. 

Edited by SqueezeWax

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...