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JD4010

Hating my job...

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Posted (edited)

...well, hating one's job is a common affliction whether one is depressed or not. But I absolutely dread coming to the office. The mere thought of it makes me feel anxious and queasy. My blood pressure spikes too.

Part of it comes from my constant feelings of inadequacy. I don't have any confidence in my own abilities. But I'm constantly being called into action, creating continuous anxiety and dread. 

I've tried to come to terms with it for years; looking for the positives and trying to overcome my intense dislike of so many things I have to do. I've been here almost 31 years now (10 of those years in my current position as a "manager").

I want to up and retire. But my daughter is going to grad school this fall, and she's on my healthcare plan as well.

I'm stuck.

Edited by JD4010

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I know how you feel.  I hate the work I do as well.  I work for family and like I've said before it's just them watching me judging me making sure I stay in line and do what they want me to do.  I just pretty much told them all off so the week is pretty free for me.  It's time to distance myself from them all.  They are making me sick and destroying my life and it's time for it to all end!

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I hate work to. If I would have been born a man I would have so many more job opportunities.  But no I'm a whiny weak female.  At least you don't have to work at the local burger joint. 

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5 hours ago, sober4life said:

it's just them watching me judging me making sure I stay in line and do what they want me to do. 

That sounds like every job that's not a sinecure..In fact the 'official' term of watching, judging you is "performance appraisal" ("how else do we gauge if you're ready for promotion?" LOL) Even Deputy Directors have the CEO & the board watching them

But I do get you: don't stay in line? KABLAM! Warning letter for 'insubordination'

Honestly, the only reason why any of us are working is because it pays more than disability does

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Posted (edited)

JD4010 -

The main thing I got from your post is that you are very good at your job and what you do. You're a manager - a person of authority and someone who must perform well to maintain that position. "Constantly being called into action" means you know your job, you do what is expected of you, and you do it well. You've worked there for 31 years and 10 as manager - wow! Congratulations! That would look great on a resume. Your family must be so proud of you, and if your daughter isn't grateful, she should be. I know none of this makes your job easier or makes you like it better, but at least it gives you plenty to be proud of. Maybe thinking about these things will help your anxiety?  

I listened to my husband complain about his job for over 40 yesrs. He finally retired in December and the people he worked with gave him a wonderful retirement party. His job had been extremely stressful and for most of those years he had worked 7 days a week for over 10 hours a day. Hallelujah! Well, ever since he left they've been calling with questions and asking for his advice. Last Monday one of the company bigwigs called and asked him to return to work on a "special project." I was certain he would turn it down. I was wrong. He had been missing the job he hated for over 40 years. His mind missed "working on all those big projects and solving all those complex problems." Good grief!

Edited by rainingviolets

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55 minutes ago, iWantRope said:

That sounds like every job that's not a sinecure..In fact the 'official' term of watching, judging you is "performance appraisal" ("how else do we gauge if you're ready for promotion?" LOL) Even Deputy Directors have the CEO & the board watching them

But I do get you: don't stay in line? KABLAM! Warning letter for 'insubordination'

Honestly, the only reason why any of us are working is because it pays more than disability does

They're not wanting to promote me unless being stuffed away in some facility forever is seen as a promotion.  They are waiting for the times where I crack under pressure so they have things they can use against me.

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Hey @JD4010,

If you daughter is able to get and keep a job.  I would say she is on her own.  But you did mention that she was legally blind.  I know the trick to grad school is to get someone else to pay for it.  Are there any grants or scholarships that she qualifies for?

I would meet with a financial advisor if you have not already to chart a course to retirement.  I would also talk to the lawyer that handled your divorce so that your ex can not pillage your accounts. 

You can find a chink in the armor of your problems and set a course out of enemy held territory. 

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20 hours ago, Rattler6 said:

Hey @JD4010,

If you daughter is able to get and keep a job.  I would say she is on her own.  But you did mention that she was legally blind.  I know the trick to grad school is to get someone else to pay for it.  Are there any grants or scholarships that she qualifies for?

I would meet with a financial advisor if you have not already to chart a course to retirement.  I would also talk to the lawyer that handled your divorce so that your ex can not pillage your accounts. 

You can find a chink in the armor of your problems and set a course out of enemy held territory. 

Thanks. Yes, she was able to land a small scholarship that will help. She does work part time now at a bookstore. She loves it there (and her coworkers really like her) but the pay isn't for squat and there are no benefits.

If I retire, I'd have to greatly reduce the "maintenance" payments I make to my ex every month. That would cause her to lose the house...and my name is still on that debt too. I'm quite trapped.

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So sorry JD. Don't worry about being a broken record. That is why we are here. We know about the hard stuff and how it weighs us down over and over again. Maybe if you set a goal as to when to retire and have a plan in place, that will help you know that there will be an end to it.

BW

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Can you get her name on the house? Can you sell it? Are there justifiable reasons that you could sell it and pay down the debt and not have the court come after you? Such as declining health?

 If she is inhabiting it.  Then she should be the one paying the debt.  Or at least helping.  As that sounds rational.  Say 25-50% of each months payment.  Of course the family court will likely get sore in the tail pipe.  

Sounds like your daughter is on the right track.  Is her degree marketable?

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14 hours ago, Rattler6 said:

Can you get her name on the house? Can you sell it? Are there justifiable reasons that you could sell it and pay down the debt and not have the court come after you? Such as declining health?

 If she is inhabiting it.  Then she should be the one paying the debt.  Or at least helping.  As that sounds rational.  Say 25-50% of each months payment.  Of course the family court will likely get sore in the tail pipe.  

Sounds like your daughter is on the right track.  Is her degree marketable?

Thanks for the reply. Both my ex and I are on the mortgage, and she does work 80% time. My income is higher than hers so the responsibility falls to me according to the court. If I had the wherewithal, I'd pay it off and be done with it forever. But it's a large amount because of a refinance to take care of other debt.

Just typing this sends me down into the abyss, knowing that I'm stuck until I croak.

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