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I'm starting to think I might have an eating disorder. My depression has taken a back seat to restricting and excerice. I've become obsessed with counting calories, carbs, sodium, and fats. This started out as a diet but I reached my goal weight long ago. People keep telling me to stop dieting but I can't even eat most foods anymore without the depression coming back. This has been going on for a few months now. I'm glad my depression is subsiding but I'm worried something worse is taking over. I'm trying to avoid another hospitalization because I just got an elite hard to get job and bought a house, etc. But I'm worried. Just needing some support and maybe an email pal.

Edited by The Silent One

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It is concerning enough that other people in your life  are worried about your weight loss, but the fact that YOU are concerned is enough of a reason for you to be careful. You used the word "obsession".  That is a red flag. Since this has just been a few months you have time to get things under control before you allow yourself to spiral completely out of control. This is something you need to take charge of before it consumes your life.  If this is something that you need outside help with, please consider talking with your doctor or a counselor. The longer you wait, the more damage will be done to your body and the harder it wiil be to take back control. Trust me - this is a disorder I know well.

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On days where I really know it's out of hand I try to eat more but it's almost like I physically can't. Its almost like I can't emotionally handle eating anything with too many calories, carbs, or fats. My boss told me I look sickly and to stop dieting yesterday. But this is the best I've felt in a long time. And I still see weight. How did you all move towards eating normally again?

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This is a topic that is debatable. I view my eating disorder very much like alcoholism. Over the decades I have successfully stepped away from it during my four pregnancies, when some unknown trigger causes me to start eating again, and during times of great illness. Just as quickly, like an alcoholic taking that first drink, I slip back into it and begin the dance again. That is why I call my disorder Dancing With the Dragon. I've stopped and started the dance several times, like an alcoholic in recovery who falls off the wagon again and again.  I love the dance.  A few years ago I was horrified when my doctor told me I had destroyed my metabolism by all my excessive starvation.  I was devastated. My world revolved around the numbers on the scale. For the next few years as I was dealing with many physical disorders that caused me to spiral into a new life of chronic pain, I began a new dance with a different kind of monster. My focus on existing with chronic pain was so intense that several years passed before I realized that my metabolism had somehow "fixed" itself. I am now trying to be extremely careful with the starvation part of this eating disorder. I know how easy it would be to put on those dancing shoes and start that marvelous dance with the Dragon once again. It's a bit more difficult to hide because I see my doctor regularly because of my pain issues. I'm also concerned about damaging my already-fragile metabolism. Right now, in the early stages of the dance, it's going to be difficult for you to stop without outside help, an outside trigger prompting you to stop, or some kind of motivation in your life (mine was always a pregnancy) causing you to eat normally again. Message me if you want to discuss this deeper.

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