Jump to content

Recommended Posts

So far, I'm having a peaceful day today.  It's quiet.  And, to be clear, it feels like refreshing solitude, not isolation.  I notice the feeling of isolation comes when it's apparent no one's interested in helping me address my pain(s) in ways that are meaningful to me.  But, today I'm calm at the moment.

Edited by MarkintheDark

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not that great an evening.  Tried and failed on a photo opp I thought would be similar to last night...and had a bout with the hypotension afterwards.  Meanwhile, a strong wet front is blowing through that's, oddly, kinda calming.  Guess I'm kinda meh.

Edited by MarkintheDark

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

Not that great an evening.  Tried and failed on a photo opp I thought would be similar to last night...and had a bout with the hypotension afterwards.  Meanwhile, a strong wet front is blowing through that's, oddly, kinda calming.  Guess I'm kinda meh.

I'll take "meh". It certainly beats high anxiety or bottomed out depression. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm late to this and not even sure if or what I should say. It's just that I'd be remiss if I didn't say anything at all. I hope this thread continues into 2020 and beyond. You seem like a fighter and I can only imagine you must have better days ahead! I'll admit that it saddens me to see this thread, but believe me, I can imagine how hard life might seem for you and I've only had a taste of that when my health started to go downhill...but it got better! I mean I still have to deal with this on a daily basis, but for the most part the pain is gone, with the exception of flareups, due to a diet change, exercise, probiotics and painkillers. I'm too lucky in that I don't have to work or deal with many of the stressors of life (husband takes care of most), but I've often thought of what is to happen if I'm ever on my own again and it's a terrifying thought! I just be grateful for what I have and by no means am I comparing our situations, but even I have struggles finding enough to be grateful for but we just have to try and also remember that, "it can't rain all the time" (that's from the Crow movie, in case you didn't know). Alright, I'll stop my rambling now. Just know that you have one more person wishing you well! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@anxiousE, I really appreciate the kind words and recognizing that perspective of "what is to happen if I'm ever on my own again."  That's a particularly salient point for me and one which some have usually overlooked in the course of their expectations of what they think I should be able to do.

In fact, at least from what I've read during my time on DF, many of us are in the "on my own" position, which makes your point doubly valid.

I'm glad you were able to find some relief from your pain.  Again citing our friends here, you'll read so many stories about the folks who are struggling with some kind of chronic physical pain such as fibromyalgia.  You obviously know from experience how difficult that makes day-to-day living...add depression, anxiety, etc., to the mix and it becomes unbearable.  I'd have to say that lately, as you read, it's that some of my body is shutting down and, without pain meds, I've had to rely on the standard Walgreen's remedies.

I was only able to manage The Crow once - it disturbed me - but you're right on that it can't rain all the time.   And I hope that's a point I've been able to convey successfully.  I actually do have good days or at least portions thereof.

So, thank you again.  Appreciate the ramble.  That's what this place is for.

 

Edited by MarkintheDark

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Haven't been on much but when I am I check here to see how you are doing. I can't offer any advice and can't seem to help myself let alone someone else. all I can say is once again you matter very much to me,  not that it means much. When I joined just about a year ago you were one if the people who made me reconsider taking my own life at that time. As I fast approach the one year mark, I hope I am able to find a fraction of the strength you have displayed.

Hugs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Mark,

I have been reading this thread since its inception and I wanted to ask you how you are, esp. given there are only a couple of days left in the year.  For what it's worth, you come across to me as a really amazing individual with a lot of depth, with a lot of talents.  I get, though, how everything can seem hopeless and how death might seem to be an answer to your suffering.  I absolutely understand that way of thinking - I've been there and continue to be, off-and-on.  I think it's our nature to try to lift another up when things seem bleak but truthfully, it is up to us to find a way to make it through - or not.  

I believe that we are all energy and that the point of death is critical because, when we die, our energy returns to the universe.  The thing that keeps me from k illing myself is that concern that I will be adding more negative energy to the pot.  Of course, sometimes I just don't care.

Anyway, all that to say I am thinking and wondering about you... 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
34 minutes ago, MarkintheDark said:

For some damned reason - cowardice, I assume - I'm still here.

No Mark, it is not cowardice. You are very important to us and there are things you still need to teach us to survive in this turmoil we live in. You have helped me and  I'm glad you are still here. Hugs!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We will always love you and want you to be here with us Mark but of course I know exactly how you feel too.  I feel the same way.  I've dealt with the same thoughts myself ever since mom left this world.  Every day talking myself into staying in this world and also every day trying to talk myself into leaving as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

For some damned reason - cowardice, I assume - I'm still here.

Well, I doubt it's because you're a coward, but I understand what you mean.  Actually, if you're still here, I suspect it's because you are very brave.  🙂

I'm glad you're here!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Cowardice, you?!  Not hardly!  With everything you have been through and the thoughtful way you have handled it all, cowardice is one thing you do not need to worry about.

I have learned a lot from you (and others on this site).  One thing I learned is that we all count -- especially when we think we don't.  Please know that I am another person who wishes you the very best.  Whatever that may be at the time.   And, btw I am also selfishly glad that you are still here.  :flowers:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/31/2019 at 1:51 PM, MarkintheDark said:

For some damned reason - cowardice, I assume - I'm still here.

I'd say cowardice is the last word I'd use to characterize you, Mark. I think you are tremendously courageous. Heck, you're an inspiration to me and so many others here.

Thanks for sticking around.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/1/2020 at 5:51 AM, MarkintheDark said:

For some damned reason - cowardice, I assume - I'm still here.

No, Mark, you're not a coward! I can't say much new, since everyone here has already said what I would have said. I'm glad you're still here, even though I understand that you may not be feeling the same way right now. I just want you to know that a lot of the people on this thread, (and ESPECIALLY you!) have been part of what stopped me from ending my own life in 2019, and I have made it through to the new decade in big part because you are an inspiration to me, and I feel that if you've managed this long, with your determination, photo ops, and knowing when to lie low, I can do the same, (albeit I'm not a good photographer, so I'm looking at other hobbies that won't trigger the chronic pain conditions.) I, too, am looking at imminent housing difficulties, but because you have managed to stick it out so long, I am feeling that I can stick it out, too, even though it won't suck any less.

Thank you, Mark, and I'm so glad that this community is helping you, too!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...