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i dont know when ill grow a pair to end my life. i just want it to end. i dont feel loved by my own family i dont really have friends anymore i wanted a girlfriend but that never happened either. im to the point in my life where if someone was to ask me what i wanted, i would say nothing. not because im happy with my life, but because i know nothing will make me happy. all i can be anymore is angry or sad all the time. it isnt worth staying for. it isnt worth staying for a family that doesnt make me feel loved anymore it isnt worth staying just to go to school next year just to work my ass off for no pay or to learn anything useful. today i saw my house and saw it was dark and gloomy. so i turned all the lights on in an attempt to cheer myself up. my brother told my dad who loves the house being dark and my brother turned most of the lights off. so i turned all the lights in the house off because i was mad. my bedroom and bathroom lights are still off right now actually. both of my parent s are unhappy with life. my mother makes it clear to me. she complains to me at least once a week about how much her job sucks and basically lets me know how bad of a job we do at taking care of our house since its a mess. i do the dishes as a chore lately. i hate it. theres always food gunk because no one does a good job of cleaning the gunk out before putting it in the sink. it sucks just like most of the other parts of my life. i hate living in this stupid trailer park. there are people my age here but they don't really care for me. and its right next to a highway and i dont drive. so good luck to me at finding new people to talk to in person. i used to love going to my grandmas house. but shes been super bitter since my grandfather died eight years ago. the bitterness is just so much now that i can hardly stand it. i miss my grandpa. i miss having friends and a girlfriend. i miss when my family loved me. i miss when anyone loved me. so sooner or later im going to have to say goodbbye.

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Logan, Sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. I wish I had advice to give you that would make your life better.

The only things I can say to you is don't give up, keep posting, and know that I care about you.

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Logan

Oh,  your post contains honest sadness; the thought of wanting nothing because life is just too empty.  It saddens me that your family doesn't provide support for you or for one another.  

When I read your post I am struck by your intelligence and how clearly you communicate.  And given your circumstances I can certainly understand how you would feel angry and sad all the time.  

I know there is no magical answer.  But I certainly wish I could send you a little light to lighten your burden.  

Please keep posting.  We're interested in listening. 

Tim 

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2 minutes ago, nojoy said:

Logan, Sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. I wish I had advice to give you that would make your life better.

The only things I can say to you is don't give up, keep posting, and know that I care about you.

it wont get better. i had my hopes up for eight long years and now i realize it was all stupid for me to even think it would get better. its all been downhill since i lost my grandpa

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1 minute ago, Logan Sims said:

it wont get better. i had my hopes up for eight long years and now i realize it was all stupid for me to even think it would get better. its all been downhill since i lost my grandpa

Logan

What is it like to talk with your grandma about the loss of your grandpa?

 

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Just now, Tim 52 said:

Logan

Oh,  your post contains honest sadness; the thought of wanting nothing because life is just too empty.  It saddens me that your family doesn't provide support for you or for one another.  

When I read your post I am struck by your intelligence and how clearly you communicate.  And given your circumstances I can certainly understand how you would feel angry and sad all the time.  

I know there is no magical answer.  But I certainly wish I could send you a little light to lighten your burden.  

Please keep posting.  We're interested in listening. 

Tim 

i just give up man. ive waited 8 years. im 16 and i realize i probably sound dumb saying itll never get better. but i dont think it will. i dont feel any love. its all just pain now.

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1 minute ago, Tim 52 said:

Logan

What is it like to talk with your grandma about the loss of your grandpa?

 

she always just talks about how god needed him. doesnt make me feel any better. it just means that apparently some higher power doesnt seem to realize how much i needed my grandpa all these years.

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Posted (edited)
2 minutes ago, Logan Sims said:

she always just talks about how god needed him. doesnt make me feel any better. it just means that apparently some higher power doesnt seem to realize how much i needed my grandpa all these years.

Of course you needed your grandpa.  His death was a real loss and I can understand how your grandma's probably well-intentioned remark does not help you feel closer to your grandpa.  

Edited by Tim 52

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1 minute ago, Tim 52 said:

For sure, you do not sound dumb.  You sound smart and like a person carrying far more than his share of grief. 

all i want to do anymore is just lay in bed until i starve or die of thirst. i dont want to eat anymore. i dont want to drink anymore. i dont want to live anymore. nobody in my life loves me and it shows.

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Just now, Tim 52 said:

Of course you needed your grandpa.  His death was a real loss and I can understand how your grandma's probably well-intentioned remark does not help you feel closer to your grandpa.  

all ive tried to do since i lost him is just survive. ive had girlfriends. all of them got tired of my shit and threw me out like garbage though. being unhappy doesnt really help with the ladies. im just too much to deal with. most of my friends got tired of my shit too. only one i have left is one i never see or talk to cause hes always busy.

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Hi Logan,

     It is so heartbreaking that you are suffering so!  Wish I knew what to say to help.  Your posts  certainly help so many of us here on the Forums to feel less isolated and alone with our own personal anguish and pain.  You are a blessing to us ! ! !   - epictetus

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1 minute ago, Epictetus said:

Hi Logan,

     It is so heartbreaking that you are suffering so!  Wish I knew what to say to help.  Your posts  certainly help so many of us here on the Forums to feel less isolated and alone with our own personal anguish and pain.  You are a blessing to us ! ! !   - epictetus

ive gone from a hopeful little boy when i was 7, and slowly turned into a monster as i got older. i am a curse. im just a human embodiment of anger, sadness, loneliness, and pure frustration.

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Is there any activity you can think of which might help channel some of that anger? 

It would be better to release it in a safe way than hold it inside yourself.

Scream into a pillow and/or beat the crap out of it?

Go for a run?

Take up boxing?

Sometimes having a passion for something like running etc can really help us through when we don't have anyone. It's also a great way to meet people..

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1 minute ago, Nightjar said:

Is there any activity you can think of which might help channel some of that anger? 

It would be better to release it in a safe way than hold it inside yourself.

Scream into a pillow and/or beat the crap out of it?

Go for a run?

Take up boxing?

Sometimes having a passion for something like running etc can really help us through when we don't have anyone. It's also a great way to meet people..

i wouldnt meet anyone new from running around the same old trailer park. ive already met everyone my age here. they dont like me that much. nobody in my town really likes me that much. everyone around my age goes to my school and nobody there like me. ive tried channeling anger. it just comes back. its all hopeless.

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You won't get your anger out in one go. You have to keep on practicing the activity to release it until it eventually subsides. You might have a whole lot to get out.  

Sounds like you really need a way to spend time away from your trailer park because you sound like you are feeling very trapped.

You must find a way to go somewhere else for some relief somehow.  

Can you get a bus somewhere to a park? 

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1 minute ago, Nightjar said:

You won't get your anger out in one go. You have to keep on practicing the activity to release it until it eventually subsides. You might have a whole lot to get out.  

Sounds like you really need a way to spend time away from your trailer park because you sound like you are feeling very trapped.

You must find a way to go somewhere else for some relief somehow.  

Can you get a bus somewhere to a park? 

nope. even if i could i dont have money. i live off the side of a state route. nearly impossible to leave without a car.

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Logan, Is there any place where you live that you could talk to someone about this?  I'm so sad that you feel this way. I can remember being 16 and depressed. I wish I could have talked to someone back then. 

You say you have no way to go anywhere without a car. Do you draw or write? Have you tried walking? Sounds like you might be in the country, have you taken a hike? Just to get away from where you live for a while;.

Keep posting. It will help to release some of the distress you are feeling.

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12 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

You won't get your anger out in one go. You have to keep on practicing the activity to release it until it eventually subsides. You might have a whole lot to get out.  

Sounds like you really need a way to spend time away from your trailer park because you sound like you are feeling very trapped.

You must find a way to go somewhere else for some relief somehow.  

Can you get a bus somewhere to a park? 

im basically stuck in this trailer park until i cant take anymore and wind up ******* mysdelf

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Then you will have to get a lift from someone and get out for a bit.

You must.

Put on your thinking cap and think of a way. Any way. Every way to spend time away from there in the short term. And work on your big plan to get away permanently in the long term. Step by step. One step at a time.

Start by getting a lift and having a break. Even if it's only for an hour, it should help. 

Also, try to find some counselling in your area. See if you qualify to get some. That will help too. A counsellor should be able to help think of ways to get you involved in the world outside of your immediate environment. 

Take a break from the dishes if you can get away with it. And, like you say do things to make you feel better in your environment like let in natural light, have some nice plants etc.

Do it for you. 

Do it all for you.

You count.

 

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1 minute ago, nojoy said:

Logan, Is there any place where you live that you could talk to someone about this?  I'm so sad that you feel this way. I can remember being 16 and depressed. I wish I could have talked to someone back then. 

You say you have no way to go anywhere without a car. Do you draw or write? Have you tried walking? Sounds like you might be in the country, have you taken a hike? Just to get away from where you live for a while;.

Keep posting. It will help to release some of the distress you are feeling.

im terrible at drawing and i wouldnt be really good at writing. walking is just a waste of getting dressed because i feel the same when i get back. hiking isnt really an option either. i live in the country. but im basically restricted to this shitty neighborhood.

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1 minute ago, Nightjar said:

Then you will have to get a lift from someone and get out for a bit.

You must.

Put on your thinking cap and think of a way. Any way. Every way to spend time away from there in the short term. And work on your big plan to get away permanently in the long term. Step by step. One step at a time.

Start by getting a lift and having a break. Even if it's only for an hour, it should help. 

Also, try to find some counselling in your area. See if you qualify to get some. That will help too. A counsellor should be able to help think of ways to get you involved in the world outside of your immediate environment. 

Take a break from the dishes if you can get away with it. And, like you say do things to make you feel better in your environment like let in natural light, have some nice plants etc.

Do it for you. 

Do it all for you.

You count.

 

i dont think i count. i used to go to counseling. but i dont have insurance to go now. just another middlefinger from life. among the millions i have already received

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I don't know how things work over there. Can you check if you can get some free counselling somehow? Or even counselling from a church in your area? 

Just someone who can help you out a bit. 

You do count. We are all worried about you here as you can tell.

You must never give up. 

Give life the middle finger and fight back. Shout, scream,  cry whatever that's fine.

But you must never give up. Besides, you'll only get reincarnated and have to start all over again. May aswell see this one through and struggle on with the rest of us. We're all struggling here. You are not alone.

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