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15anddepressed

I realized just how apathetic I was.

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I am 15 and a boy, if you want more context on my situation, you can see my other posts. Last night, I went on some site that randomly connects you to people and you can chat, I used the text chat. I was connected to a 16 year old girl, her name was Abbey, we talked for a bit about our interests (I wasn't looking for a relationship, only for friends but for some reason I seemed to prefer girls as I viewed them as more empathetic, not meant to be sexist or anything, boys can be empathetic too but for some reason I just felt more inclined/comfortable talking to a girl) I told her that I was depressed, a little about my life. She gave me her IG (I had to follow her to DM), and we DM'd for like 5 minutes before she asked to see my face (I should've known what this meant), I was like OK, I took a picture of myself (normal picture, I tried to smile) sent it to her. Her reply was "Coolio" and that was it, no message back. I didn't know what was going on, I waited for like 10-15 min then I checked my IG to see that she unfollowed me. I even sent a message saying asking if she was there, nothing. It was then I realized that she ghosted me, I wasn't even hurt at all and in fact I legitimately didn't even care (because I knew that I wasn't that attractive, like a 5/10 at most), I was just like "aight then". I was a little surprised that she was quick to withdraw herself, but that was it. I felt nothing after that; it wasn't like I was ever insecure or anything, I've always acknowledged that I wasn't super attractive (not necessarily ugly per se, just not that attractive) and it didn't really bother me, but I still cared somewhat of what other people thought. Now, I just don't give a damn, and I've noticed in other situations, I just struggle to show emotion. When I ask my parents for money, I find it hard to ask in a sincere tone, I just ask in a plain tone that kind of sounds expectant. In almost any situation, I find it hard to express emotions or even empathize with someone who's experience isn't like mine. I just always feel "okay", never happy, sad occasionally, but beyond that, that was it. 

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I think most of us have been ghosted on social media at one time or another.  For myself, despite my advanced age, I have to admit it can sometimes  nevertheless be hurtful on some level.  Depends on my mood.

fwiw, I'm cautious about opening up to people.  I do it in steps.  I once heard someone call it "share, check, share."  That is, share a little, see how a person responds and if you're comfortable with the response, perhaps you can share a little more.  Problem with social media. however, is that anyone can create any persona they wish.  tbh, there's no shortage of online sociopaths.  Face time (irl, not the app) is a li'l healthier for my purposes.  I can read body language, etc.  Then again, I'm older than dirt 😁

From what you've already shared about life at home, I think you already have a good idea about what I mean about being able to read people better irl.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, MarkintheDark said:

I think most of us have been ghosted on social media at one time or another.  For myself, despite my advanced age, I have to admit it can sometimes  nevertheless be hurtful on some level.  Depends on my mood.

fwiw, I'm cautious about opening up to people.  I do it in steps.  I once heard someone call it "share, check, share."  That is, share a little, see how a person responds and if you're comfortable with the response, perhaps you can share a little more.  Problem with social media. however, is that anyone can create any persona they wish.  tbh, there's no shortage of online sociopaths.  Face time (irl, not the app) is a li'l healthier for my purposes.  I can read body language, etc.  Then again, I'm older than dirt 😁

From what you've already shared about life at home, I think you already have a good idea about what I mean about being able to read people better irl.

Yeah, agree 100%. I tend to tell anyone online that i have depression, as I'm just so apathetic that even when they respond negatively it doesn't hurt me or anything (obviously if it's someone in  real life, especially my parents then I won't be so thick-skinned), I just don't care. But definitely IRL, I hide everything, in BJJ class I've had people ask why I'm so low-energy, I just say that I'm tired which isn't inaccurate but the reason why is what I'm hiding (partially bad sleep, but mostly depression because that can contribute to bad sleep). Thanks for the response.  I was never really active on social media, except Reddit and YouTube, even my IG and FB is empty as I only use my FB to chat with my online friend and my IG is just there for no particular reason.

Edited by 15anddepressed
small change

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7 hours ago, sober4life said:

Yes I'm honest here but hide everything in real life as well.  I'm scared of everyone so the people in real life know my name and that's about it.

I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah I can relate a lot with that, just hiding everything. At least there are places like this where I can let them out.

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