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FerryJerry

I’m ready to give up

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I keep feeling ill and exhausted and people keep treating me badly and I just don’t want to be in this world anymore, I am struggling to get help

Today I went for a walk and got back and was so exhausted, my partner was fed up so was I because the cat did a poop on the carpet again and I refused to help because A: I was in so much agony with my joints that getting up and down was agony and B: I told her if she wants to keep that cat that keeps messing the carpet she’s gonna take care of it.

I ended up going to sleep with no dinner because of it, half the time I can’t sleep and end up only getting to sleep after I take drugs and pass out, but that’s my life, I’m not coping any other way

i think this is a good as my life is going to get and I just waiting for something in my body to give up so I can leave this messed up world, I don’t believe I was ever meant to be here, I was an accident and I stumbled through life barely making it through. I’m fed up of fighting and all the battles I have ongoing

i look across the sea and I see an Island and I wish I could flee there and live on the Island to live out the remainder of my days away from everything

Maybe one day I will find my way out

people keep saying aww those cats look so happy and I just think I am glad they are happy but I’m never happy and I’ve been searching for happiness since I was a teenager many years ago, all I found was violence, abuse and people screwing me over and every day I am in agony with my joints and I keep having many issues with my stomach and I think to myself when’s it gonna end

in order to get better I need exercise but exercise causes me to hurt and feel exhausted for days after, I don’t want to try the experimental operation where they saw my bones in half and recast them as there is no guarantees it will make any improvements according to the doctors, I needed help for my knees when I was a child and no one got me any medical Help so they became twisted and now they hurt me so bad

 

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Posted (edited)

That sounds terrible. I can't imagine living with so much pain. Maybe instead of telling your partner she should take care of the cat if she wants to keep it, say you can't clean after it because it's too painful on the joints. She should at least understand that, right? At least I hope so. If she knows, then I don't know what to tell you.

Edited by EL85

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Its really important to take care of yourself. Your walk is very important but as you suffer with knee or joint pain, is there an alternative you could try, cycling? Or swimming?.not sure if these are options but think about what could work for you?

understanding partners is a skill all to itself, they are often not sure how to handle us when we are depressed or tired or  whatever we may be. Is there somebody they can talk with about your own circumstances, not necessarily a therapist but empathetic friend. Would they be interested in coming on a forum like this?

just know we-are hear to listen to you, and offer advice or experiences if asked

 

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Posted (edited)

Hi FerryJerry 🙂

I was going to say exactly what Extremebeginner said; there may be other alternatives for exercise such as swimming, which has been found to be very useful for people that have trouble exercising normally. I find that instead of saying the typical, "things will get better", it's much better to say, you don't know what the future holds. I was in a dark place at one time and I would be lying if I said the my mind didn't go to horrific thoughts, but I'm still here today and although things aren't perfect in my life, I'm doing better. Have you tried joining a support group?

The fact that your significant other got upset at you for not helping leads me to believe that she doesn't understand the severity of your condition. I think it would be helpful for you two to sit down and have a talk about this because this seems like an ongoing problem that isn't going to go away. Maybe it's also possible to figure out why the cat isn't using the litter box; it could be health related. I only suggest these things because you're at a time in your life in which you need as much support as you can get and I wouldn't want something like this to cause a rift between your significant other and you as it seems to be doing.

 

 

Edited by BryBry

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