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desperateloser

Being ugly is the only source of all my problems

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Posted (edited)

When I look at the mirror, even I don't wanna see myself and disgusted by it. I haven't had a single ****ing male friend or a girl that likes me. Being ugly is the only source of all my problems. It's really sucks that being ugly and poor at the same time. Some might say it's about my personality, but not really. Uglyness really pushes people to loneliness. Ugliness pushes people to become enemies of popular culture. The main reason of this situation is that the popular culture creates periodic trends, more precisely periodic "interest" fields. But an ugly individual already lacks the first degree from the concept of "interest". Being ugly is just a possibility. It causes you to feel the injustice of the world in its sharpest form (like the existential features that you and all other people have in the world). The world is a very unfair place and I cannot bear the burden of this world.

Edited by desperateloser

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19 minutes ago, desperateloser said:

Ugliness pushes people to become enemies of popular culture. The main reason of this situation is that the popular culture creates periodic trends, more precisely periodic "interest" fields. But an ugly individual already lacks the first degree from the concept of "interest". Being ugly is just a possibility. It causes you to feel the injustice of the world in its sharpest form (like the existential features that you and all other people have in the world). The world is a very unfair place and I cannot bear the burden of this world.

I bolded that first sentence because I believe it's a fundamental truth. I'm definitely an enemy to "popular culture" as a result of my appearance. I was an ugly kid and then I went bald at age 20. Everything went downhill from there.

I'm completely sick of observing all of the injustice and pain in this world too. If there is a God, he/she/it is vindictive and even downright abusive.

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On 5/23/2019 at 8:03 AM, JD4010 said:

I'm completely sick of observing all of the injustice and pain in this world too. If there is a God, he/she/it is vindictive and even downright abusive.

Being ugly (or stupid, etc.) is bad enough, but what's worse is that society somehow makes it the person's fault (even if implicitly) -- despite that he or she had absolutely no say in it and can't do anything about it.

It starts very early, when the "ugly" or "stupid" kids are picked out for bullying by their peers and even some adults. It just gets worse from there and into adulthood, when it affects relationships (and lack thereof), friendships, employment, career progress, etc. It keeps piling on when depression and other ills are also triggered by it.

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Just want to say that I'm not sure if it would make much of a difference if you were to be good looking or intelligent. 

I don't feel ugly when I look in the mirror. Nor do I feel dumb. But I do have a negative mindset, anxiety and depression.

And it's extremely difficult to tackle those three things.

I have to agree; being bullied in your youth, left out, etc. is a damn unfortunate bad start. I'm lucky I didn't get bullied, I'm kinda sensitive person, so it would've been disastrous for me if I was.

I'm just saying that I'm not in any better situation. I've been on a minimal benefit for 7 years, they literally feel like wasted years, many of which should have been the best years of anyone's life.

Looking like Brad Pitt and having the intelligence of Einstein doesn't necessarily set you up for success in life. I work a crappy non-paid job, I see everyone around me making career, having success, getting married, having kids, while I have not been able to stick to a job/make career, hell, I never even had a girlfriend and I'm 34!

We are all the enemies of our own mind. Different experiences causes our minds to turn against us. Why it works like that, I don't know, but damn do I hate it!

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2 hours ago, HL05 said:

Looking like Brad Pitt and having the intelligence of Einstein doesn't necessarily set you up for success in life.

I agree. It makes it easier to get there but it doesn't protect anyone from their own mind and it still takes hard work. 

Looks are a door opener but don't guarantee anything. Someone attractive can easily get a date and has better chances to get a job but if their personality sucks or they're lazy they won't get away with it for long. 

Honestly, I've met some people who were unattractive and still managed to have it all. One old coworker of mine looks like an ogre but he's so outgoing that he's the center of attention within minutes when he goes someplace, even women who are way out of his league will talk to him. 

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Posted (edited)
On 5/27/2019 at 2:58 PM, lonelyforeigner said:

I agree. It makes it easier to get there but it doesn't protect anyone from their own mind and it still takes hard work. 

Looks are a door opener but don't guarantee anything. Someone attractive can easily get a date and has better chances to get a job but if their personality sucks or they're lazy they won't get away with it for long. 

Honestly, I've met some people who were unattractive and still managed to have it all. One old coworker of mine looks like an ogre but he's so outgoing that he's the center of attention within minutes when he goes someplace, even women who are way out of his league will talk to him. 

Believe me It would. To me, what determines the value of a person in the world is not just money. I used to think that money would solve all of my problems, but it's different than I thought. If I was handsome, my psychology wouldn't be ****ed up, I'd have a girlfriend and friends to talk to. If you suit the real "ugly" definition, people are turning you off. Nobody wants to be friend with you. What is the objective definition of ugliness?

*recessed jaw

*weak chin

*weak cheekbones

*tired eyes

*crooked teeth

etc. List goes on. I have all the features of an ugly man. I'm legit an ugly man, I have no doubt about it. Since I had a nasal polyp and deviated septum in my nose as a child, I was forced to breathe through the mouth 24/7 and this deformed my face. If you don't know mouth breathing in childhood literally makes you ugly. Knowing that is so damaging to my mental health. Every time I look in the mirror, I say to myself why am I even living? I will never be a man to be desired in this world. Why do I have to suffer this pain? Even this alone proves that there is no such thing as god. Can I commit suicide? I don't know. But I know this life will never get anywhere.

Edited by desperateloser

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The world has killed off most of the child in me.  The world has hardened me and ruined me and turned me into someone angry and bitter for the most part.  The only reason I'm still here is because I barely have that naive childlike idea that I will find someone out there that loves me but the hope is fading.  I hear mom's call to come see her louder every day.

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Ugly and beautiful are emotions, not objective states of being. They belong to the people who feel them, and people are different. You think there isn't a single person out of 7 billion who could bear your physical appearance and become your friend? That's your depression lying to you. It's a ridiculous lie, but the power of depression is that we believe ridiculous things.

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@desperateloser Reflecting back on this topic, I must admit something. I think you earn more credit here. First off, that you keep going, going through life despite having the features of that 'ugly list'. Second, when you think about it, almost the whole world is centered around beauty. Western society is leading that trend. Let's all just think about it. Ad for a perfume? A skinny, beautiful woman with perfect skin, and a muscular, tall dude with a square chin. Magazines. Television. How often do you see 'ugly' hosts on the news? All kinds of commercials. Youtube is one of the worst examples. 

I already went through some seriously f-ed up depressions, and still have serious anxiety. And I'm not afraid to admit; I wouldn't know what I'd do if I was also to be considered unattractive next to being depressed and having anxiety. Depression does however put things in your mind under a magnifier, as @John_in_SF mentioned. 

But maybe there are better things to be considered for you. What CAN you do right now to become more attractive? Damn man, if I wasn't so piss-poor I'd gladly throw money at you for surgery or whatever you think you might need. But bear in mind; we can't change society. One can only change himself. I know this is tough; I'm still working on fixing myself - or at leasting trying - every day. 

If you're as unattractive as you say you are, I suppose, realistically, you still have a few options. The first one is obvious; make a whole bunch of money. Surgery or not - women are more likely to want you. I'm sorry to say, this is just how it is for a considerable amount of ladies. Second, possibly more feasible; working on personality. I noticed I get compliments from people, and they're more likely to talk to me, be around me when I'm fun to be with, joking around, am talkative, etc. 

Sure, easier said than done. But damnit man, only today I said to myself, I need to go all out. I never had a GF in my life either. I'm 34. I don't even consider myself unattractive. All I know is that I am my own enemy and that I need to go all out to make something out of my life, because there's probably not going to be anything 'after' it.

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I don't think these comments are realistic. Ugliness is indeed an objective thing. After 2 years of depression, I've come to a key point. I have to **** myself seriously. My body can't take the pain anymore. I can't talk to people. My IQ level has dropped incredibly in 2 years. I can't step out of the house. I can't socialize because I know people around me won't take me seriously because of my appearance. I'm so lost that no matter how much I live, my life will not be completed in any way. Suicide. The culmination of a lack of life, perhaps with the hope of a life you will be born.

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I'm not sure what I should say to you.

Only reason I'm still alive, is probably because I enjoy life just a bit more than I think I will when I'm not alive. That and my primal instinct.

And so it will likely be for you.

Any case where someone - that includes you - commits suicide is a hell of a loss. But I'm not the right person to talk to about that.

If you have not already, there are people who can help you with your suicidal thoughts. There's a special forum dedicated just for that. 

Please do make use of it.

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On 6/4/2019 at 7:22 AM, desperateloser said:

I don't think these comments are realistic. Ugliness is indeed an objective thing. After 2 years of depression, I've come to a key point. I have to **** myself seriously. My body can't take the pain anymore. I can't talk to people. My IQ level has dropped incredibly in 2 years. I can't step out of the house. I can't socialize because I know people around me won't take me seriously because of my appearance. I'm so lost that no matter how much I live, my life will not be completed in any way. Suicide. The culmination of a lack of life, perhaps with the hope of a life you will be born.

I don't socialize much at all...mainly with my daughter and occasionally a few gearhead friends of mine. But most of my free time is spent in isolation with my cats.

None of my gearhead friends are what this society would call handsome. I'm certainly not handsome either...I went bald when I was 20 and my skin has bumps on it from a genetic condition I have. I have a big honkin' nose. I'm not particularly tall and I'm carrying some extra weight around. I consider myself to be ugly.

Anyway, none of my gearhead friends cares what I look like, nor do I care what they look like. Oh! I'm also a sci-fi geek so I will attend "cons" or whatever they are called if they are nearby. This is a once/year thing. Sci-fi people are also not concerned with one another's appearance so I kinda sorta fit in with them too.

I dunno. I've learned to look for "pleasure" in my solitary life. My two cats are extra-friendly and I get a lot of joy from being around them. People? Not so much.

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Yeah 9 out of 10 people make me sick every time I'm around them.  I keep trying to make it work but it's never going to work.  I don't think I'm ugly but if the world sees bigfoot then you're bigfoot.  Everyone has always seen something in me they don't like.  It's been that way since I was born.  I was the grey alien in the room full of people and there's nothing I can do to change it.

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