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Are You Sure This Is the Right Job for You, Nora?


TheLastOutPost

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Haven't posted in a few months. Here's why.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

So I've been going to see a counselor for a few weeks now because I:

a)have been type-1 diabetic (injections every day since 1986), which has led to: i)poorer academic performance in high school & college (flunked out 6 credit hours shy of college degree), which led to: ii)working shitty corporate customer call center jobs making just enough to not be in poverty (approx. $23K/yr for full 40 hrs), which led to: iii)unrealistic quotas, burn out and being fired during the '08 bank collapse due to that corporate greed, which led to:

⬇️

b)having to move back in w/ my Mom at age 30 in a small, gossip ridden rural Southern town filled with: i) religious hucksters ii) few job opportunities and iii)little social life (unless you like fishin') that is so depressing I worked some more shitty customer service jobs to save money so that I could:
⬇️

d)move to NYC w/ a friend a few years back and after finally getting situated and a job and going on some dates again, out of the blue

⬇️

c)colon cancer struck at age 35, wherein I: i)lost 2 months due to being hospitalized several times and going through multiple surgeries including a ii)colostomy bag for several months (so much for dating again!) and iii)losing my decent job working for the city w/ coworkers I liked iv) was denied short-term disability by the SSA b/c I wasn't sick enough, evidently. Which led to:

⬇️

d)having to move back in w/ my Mom again to undergo: i)6 months of chemo and ii)another heavy surgery to correct the major hernia the chemo gave me in my abdomen along w/ correcting vein damage as a result of the diabetes & chemo & surgeries undergone as a result and:

⬇️

e)now I'm working part time doing temp work for a local company back here in this shitty unfulfilling town where: i) if you didn't go the University here (spoiler: I did not go to the University here) and where the tacky orange school sports garb you're considered to be of just average intelligence (at best) and ii) a classmate of mine from high school who I literally haven't seen, spoken to, or even thought about since the year 1998 is in a position of authority at the assignment I'm on (wonderful surprise!) to make my life difficult there, since she didn't like me way back when and on occasion would even insult me in high school; her inbred, redneck cousin didn't like me so by default she has to hate me too, see.

So, being informed of all this, my "counselor" takes issue w/ my characterization of most locals around here being "gossipy" and informed me today that my attitude towards my life thus far is up to me and I should just be more positive, or "just kind of sit around and complain" as I'm currently doing, in her book.


She's even made me feel like she doesn't really want to talk to me, asking "I mean, do you think you need any more sessions?" in a dismissive voice. Oh pardon me, THE ****ING DIABETIC OF 35 YEARS, CANCER SURVIVOR AND SHORT RED-HAIRED GUY THAT PEOPLE LAUGH AT AND CALL A GODDAMN LEPRECHAUN WHOSE LIFE GETS DERAILED EVERY FEW YEARS- YOU TELL ME, YOU SPOILED LITTLE MILLE!!! DO I NEED MORE THERAPY?! OR ARE THINGS GOING PRETTY GODDAMN GOOD FOR ME AND I JUST NEED TO STOP AND SMELL THE ****ING ROSES!!! HERE I GO, I'M BENDING OVER TO SMELL A ROSE- OH **** I PULLED SOMETHING IN MY ABDOMEN FROM ALL THE SURGERIES AND THE CHEMO!! BETTER GO BACK TO MY MOM'S HOUSE AND TAKE IT EASY, SINCE THE GOVERNMENT SAID I DON'T QUALIFY FOR SHORT-TERM DISABILITY EVEN THOUGH I HAD A BAG OF MY OWN FECES HANGING OFF ME FOR MONTHS ON END!!!

Shewie! Little steam slipped out there, guys! Little steam....👼

She's a 20-something from a different state who didn't have to grow up around here (she's only lived here a year or 2 I think) w/ a master's degree & a lucrative career path from ahead who's never faced a fraction of what I have outlined above. Hours after our session I'm still infuriated and feel way worse than when I went in. Come to find out she went to a Christian college, so I would bet she took issue w/ my labeling of most of my coworkers out here in the mountains as "religious phonies"; I call them that b/c that's what they are: people living comfortably praying to Jesus so he won't take the Honda Passport and the vacations to Hilton Head in the summer away, all while their government does unspeakable things to people around the world and people are starving in their own town b/c they "didn't work hard enough". And meanwhile they gossip, cheat, manipulate, lust, and enjoy worldly pleasures (food, clothing, etc) just like everybody else. Yeah, I'm sure Jesus would high-five ya based on getting through this world like that, right?

I've been to therapists before- back years ago when I was someone dealing w/ just an auto-immune disorder and a high-stress job and never dealt w/ this kind of attitude from someone who's life is a ****ing fairy-tale by comparison. It's been 4 hours since our session and I'm still so steamed I'm gonna drive around in a little bit and scream at the top of my lungs alone in my car.

-The Last Outpost

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Sorry for being slow to respond.  This counselor did you a great disservice.  The list of wrong moves made by the therapist would be rather long to say the least.   I"m sorry you had this experience.  I hope venting helped some.  I also hope you can find a therapist who will respect the suffering you've experienced.    

Edited by Tim 52
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On 5/22/2019 at 9:01 AM, TheLastOutPost said:

Haven't posted in a few months. Here's why.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

So I've been going to see a counselor for a few weeks now because I:

a)have been type-1 diabetic (injections every day since 1986), which has led to: i)poorer academic performance in high school & college (flunked out 6 credit hours shy of college degree), which led to: ii)working shitty corporate customer call center jobs making just enough to not be in poverty (approx. $23K/yr for full 40 hrs), which led to: iii)unrealistic quotas, burn out and being fired during the '08 bank collapse due to that corporate greed, which led to:

⬇️

b)having to move back in w/ my Mom at age 30 in a small, gossip ridden rural Southern town filled with: i) religious hucksters ii) few job opportunities and iii)little social life (unless you like fishin') that is so depressing I worked some more shitty customer service jobs to save money so that I could:
⬇️

d)move to NYC w/ a friend a few years back and after finally getting situated and a job and going on some dates again, out of the blue

⬇️

c)colon cancer struck at age 35, wherein I: i)lost 2 months due to being hospitalized several times and going through multiple surgeries including a ii)colostomy bag for several months (so much for dating again!) and iii)losing my decent job working for the city w/ coworkers I liked iv) was denied short-term disability by the SSA b/c I wasn't sick enough, evidently. Which led to:

⬇️

d)having to move back in w/ my Mom again to undergo: i)6 months of chemo and ii)another heavy surgery to correct the major hernia the chemo gave me in my abdomen along w/ correcting vein damage as a result of the diabetes & chemo & surgeries undergone as a result and:

⬇️

e)now I'm working part time doing temp work for a local company back here in this shitty unfulfilling town where: i) if you didn't go the University here (spoiler: I did not go to the University here) and where the tacky orange school sports garb you're considered to be of just average intelligence (at best) and ii) a classmate of mine from high school who I literally haven't seen, spoken to, or even thought about since the year 1998 is in a position of authority at the assignment I'm on (wonderful surprise!) to make my life difficult there, since she didn't like me way back when and on occasion would even insult me in high school; her inbred, redneck cousin didn't like me so by default she has to hate me too, see.

So, being informed of all this, my "counselor" takes issue w/ my characterization of most locals around here being "gossipy" and informed me today that my attitude towards my life thus far is up to me and I should just be more positive, or "just kind of sit around and complain" as I'm currently doing, in her book.


She's even made me feel like she doesn't really want to talk to me, asking "I mean, do you think you need any more sessions?" in a dismissive voice. Oh pardon me, THE ****ING DIABETIC OF 35 YEARS, CANCER SURVIVOR AND SHORT RED-HAIRED GUY THAT PEOPLE LAUGH AT AND CALL A GODDAMN LEPRECHAUN WHOSE LIFE GETS DERAILED EVERY FEW YEARS- YOU TELL ME, YOU SPOILED LITTLE MILLE!!! DO I NEED MORE THERAPY?! OR ARE THINGS GOING PRETTY GODDAMN GOOD FOR ME AND I JUST NEED TO STOP AND SMELL THE ****ING ROSES!!! HERE I GO, I'M BENDING OVER TO SMELL A ROSE- OH **** I PULLED SOMETHING IN MY ABDOMEN FROM ALL THE SURGERIES AND THE CHEMO!! BETTER GO BACK TO MY MOM'S HOUSE AND TAKE IT EASY, SINCE THE GOVERNMENT SAID I DON'T QUALIFY FOR SHORT-TERM DISABILITY EVEN THOUGH I HAD A BAG OF MY OWN FECES HANGING OFF ME FOR MONTHS ON END!!!

Shewie! Little steam slipped out there, guys! Little steam....👼

She's a 20-something from a different state who didn't have to grow up around here (she's only lived here a year or 2 I think) w/ a master's degree & a lucrative career path from ahead who's never faced a fraction of what I have outlined above. Hours after our session I'm still infuriated and feel way worse than when I went in. Come to find out she went to a Christian college, so I would bet she took issue w/ my labeling of most of my coworkers out here in the mountains as "religious phonies"; I call them that b/c that's what they are: people living comfortably praying to Jesus so he won't take the Honda Passport and the vacations to Hilton Head in the summer away, all while their government does unspeakable things to people around the world and people are starving in their own town b/c they "didn't work hard enough". And meanwhile they gossip, cheat, manipulate, lust, and enjoy worldly pleasures (food, clothing, etc) just like everybody else. Yeah, I'm sure Jesus would high-five ya based on getting through this world like that, right?

I've been to therapists before- back years ago when I was someone dealing w/ just an auto-immune disorder and a high-stress job and never dealt w/ this kind of attitude from someone who's life is a ****ing fairy-tale by comparison. It's been 4 hours since our session and I'm still so steamed I'm gonna drive around in a little bit and scream at the top of my lungs alone in my car.

-The Last Outpost

This woman shouldn't be a counselor. I'm so sorry to hear what has happened to you. Life can be cruel, even to the go-getters and hard workers, and it seems very unfair that your hard work has resulted in this. (Regarding the colostomy bag, I know that most people who've never had one can be quite dismissive and ask why you can't 'just do what I do' but in an altered way. Having known people with one, though, I realize it's harder to live with than it may seem, and I think that people shouldn't get to be dismissive of it until they've lost part of their bowel/intestines and have to carry one around with them.)

I'm always a bit wary of counselors who qualified in a dogma-heavy institution, because it's rarely the brand of Christianity which might be said to have the 'Jesus stamp of approval'. It's often materialistic, hateful, and likes to blame people for their horrible lives ... even if the 'devout believers' are the ones who put the person in the position in the first place! (Also, if she didn't grow up in your town, but has been accepted by the other people there, she's basically getting all the small town benefits without the drama. Yet. That could change, knowing small towns.)

It really sucks that this has happened to you, and I am not a fan of that brand of customer service role. I like working with people generally, but not if there are insane quotas involved, and the job basically involves harassing people to buy a service or product they don't want, (and don't have the money for, likely as not in this economy.) So, full sympathy there!

It really makes me mad, like you, that you're working those hours for way too little to live off. You can just make it in a s****y situation, but it's hard to save anything or go to a desirable situation, and then everybody wants to know why you're not 'grateful' while simultaneously calling you a 'drain' on your mom's finances, as if you had a choice. (I've heard that a lot. It's the mentality behind that dang awful Netflix movie 'The Unicorn Store', where the Pwecious 'Millenial' Female Charactar No. 3 is upset that her dreams of being a great artist didn't come true and she had to work a - gasp! - office job! In real life, millennials are often happy to have any job that pays enough to live on, but everyone is convinced they just don't want responsibility and to work hard. Also, you're not a Millenial, but I'd bet a lot of people group you in with the fashionable Millennial Hate.

BTW, apologies to anybody who liked 'The Unicorn Store'. I think its heart was in the right place - ? - but it just irritated me.)

So yeah, I don't think I've said anything useful, but I really feel your pain. I think you need a better counselor, but I don't know if you have one in your town. I think you have a right to feel the rage you do, and that you need to be able to vent without being told you're out of line because it makes other people feel 'uncomfortable'. (Which it does in that sort of community. They don't like anything messy.)

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5 hours ago, Tim 52 said:

Sorry for being slow to respond.  This counselor did you a great disservice.  The list of wrong moves made by the therapist would be rather long to say the least.   I"m sorry you had this experience.  I hope venting helped some.  I also hope you can find a therapist who will respect the suffering you've experienced.    

No worries, Tim 52. Over a day now and I'm still stewing. It feels like going through a break up when the other person says something and you go, "I can't believe they just opened their crappy little mouth and said that to my face." I'm not sure yet how I'm going to proceed; this episode hasn't just turned me off to going back to her for another session, but to the idea of seeking counseling/therapy itself.
Thank you for responding though. I hope you're doing well on your own journey.

-The Last Outpost

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1 hour ago, MargotMontage said:

This woman shouldn't be a counselor. I'm so sorry to hear what has happened to you. Life can be cruel, even to the go-getters and hard workers, and it seems very unfair that your hard work has resulted in this. (Regarding the colostomy bag, I know that most people who've never had one can be quite dismissive and ask why you can't 'just do what I do' but in an altered way. Having known people with one, though, I realize it's harder to live with than it may seem, and I think that people shouldn't get to be dismissive of it until they've lost part of their bowel/intestines and have to carry one around with them.)

I'm always a bit wary of counselors who qualified in a dogma-heavy institution, because it's rarely the brand of Christianity which might be said to have the 'Jesus stamp of approval'. It's often materialistic, hateful, and likes to blame people for their horrible lives ... even if the 'devout believers' are the ones who put the person in the position in the first place! (Also, if she didn't grow up in your town, but has been accepted by the other people there, she's basically getting all the small town benefits without the drama. Yet. That could change, knowing small towns.)

It really sucks that this has happened to you, and I am not a fan of that brand of customer service role. I like working with people generally, but not if there are insane quotas involved, and the job basically involves harassing people to buy a service or product they don't want, (and don't have the money for, likely as not in this economy.) So, full sympathy there!

It really makes me mad, like you, that you're working those hours for way too little to live off. You can just make it in a s****y situation, but it's hard to save anything or go to a desirable situation, and then everybody wants to know why you're not 'grateful' while simultaneously calling you a 'drain' on your mom's finances, as if you had a choice. (I've heard that a lot. It's the mentality behind that dang awful Netflix movie 'The Unicorn Store', where the Pwecious 'Millenial' Female Charactar No. 3 is upset that her dreams of being a great artist didn't come true and she had to work a - gasp! - office job! In real life, millennials are often happy to have any job that pays enough to live on, but everyone is convinced they just don't want responsibility and to work hard. Also, you're not a Millenial, but I'd bet a lot of people group you in with the fashionable Millennial Hate.

BTW, apologies to anybody who liked 'The Unicorn Store'. I think its heart was in the right place - ? - but it just irritated me.)

So yeah, I don't think I've said anything useful, but I really feel your pain. I think you need a better counselor, but I don't know if you have one in your town. I think you have a right to feel the rage you do, and that you need to be able to vent without being told you're out of line because it makes other people feel 'uncomfortable'. (Which it does in that sort of community. They don't like anything messy.)

Y'know MargoMontage, I'd almost think we've been seen the same "counselor", based on your insight into my situation. You're pretty insightful. Day and a half later and I'm still insulted that she took that attitude w/ me. She knows I'm isolated here and don't really have anyone to talk to and she was kind of my last refuge and now I'm not even really sure what to do. Our next appointment isn't for another month, but I honestly think I'm gonna have to call and speak w/ her supervisor. I've seen more empathy from Applebee's bartenders.

I even told her specifically that I have no issue w/ people who find spiritual strength through going to church; it's the hypocrites that I find myself constantly surrounded by out here in hill-country America that piss me right the **** off. And I'm only dealing w/ them b/c I was screwed over by our shitty economy, our shitty government, and just plain ol' shitty luck! And yet, her insistence is that I just need an attitude adjustment. I bet the last time she had a bad day was the first time she got her period. Everything else since then has mostly been a long succession of ribbon-pinnings for her.

This weekend will be 1 month since I've had a drink and when I got back from our little "seshy" yesterday I was pretty close to tooling on down to the local convenience store and buying beer. I didn't, but the dark angels were whispering my name. See, I'm still pissed, I'm getting off track.

Anyway, Margo, don't think you failed to say anything useful, cuz you nailed it from a million miles away. And thanks for understanding. This counselor was paid $150 and here you are doing what she was supposed to and you're doing it "pro bono".☺️

-The Last Outpost

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1 hour ago, TheLastOutPost said:

Y'know MargoMontage, I'd almost think we've been seen the same "counselor", based on your insight into my situation. You're pretty insightful. Day and a half later and I'm still insulted that she took that attitude w/ me. She knows I'm isolated here and don't really have anyone to talk to and she was kind of my last refuge and now I'm not even really sure what to do. Our next appointment isn't for another month, but I honestly think I'm gonna have to call and speak w/ her supervisor. I've seen more empathy from Applebee's bartenders.

I even told her specifically that I have no issue w/ people who find spiritual strength through going to church; it's the hypocrites that I find myself constantly surrounded by out here in hill-country America that piss me right the **** off. And I'm only dealing w/ them b/c I was screwed over by our shitty economy, our shitty government, and just plain ol' shitty luck! And yet, her insistence is that I just need an attitude adjustment. I bet the last time she had a bad day was the first time she got her period. Everything else since then has mostly been a long succession of ribbon-pinnings for her.

This weekend will be 1 month since I've had a drink and when I got back from our little "seshy" yesterday I was pretty close to tooling on down to the local convenience store and buying beer. I didn't, but the dark angels were whispering my name. See, I'm still pissed, I'm getting off track.

Anyway, Margo, don't think you failed to say anything useful, cuz you nailed it from a million miles away. And thanks for understanding. This counselor was paid $150 and here you are doing what she was supposed to and you're doing it "pro bono".☺️

-The Last Outpost

Hey, glad I could help a bit! In regard to the counselor, I'm not sure that going to her supervisor will help, because generally they don't care about customers in the industry. (Ok, counselors might be better than psychologists and psychiatrists, I'm not sure. In my experience, if a patient complains, they usually turn it into a symptom of the patient's condition, or even 'condition': they come up with a new diagnosis occasionally based on being ticked off with the patient complaint.) I wouldn't like for you to end up in a worse situation because she's petty, and she seems very petty. It might be best to look for an internet support source rather than go back, considering that she clearly doesn't respect you, (and possibly not her other patients, either.) There are definitely practitioners with God complexes.

I hope you're going to be ok. Hang in there!

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I'm a li'l late to the party.  However, I've been down a few portions of this road and I understand some the frustration you feel.  By way of disclosure, I'm an HIV survivor of well over 20 years who's gone through multiple hospitalizations (including COPD), neuropathy, organ inflammation, etc., and whose health just isn't that robust.  I also live in what's cheekily called the Sixth Borough.  That's to say, I'm a bit ornery.

Putting it mildly, that "counselor" doesn't sound like a good fit...for all the reasons you mentioned.  I've had my share.  Just speculating, but if you're old enough to be her dad, she's bound to be intimidated or feel a need to impress with her so-called knowledge.  Problem I've found - I'm in my 60s - is that most privileged 20-somethings don't know squat about life.  So, too, if she has a supervisor, not unlike what I've encountered with psychology interns, she has one for a reason.  Simply, she doesn't have the professional chops to fly solo.  Also, if there's a religious bias to treatment and you don't share it, there's gonna be friction.

[putting on my Sixth Borough hat] imo, you can dump her without hesitation.  I'd add that your intuition sounds right on.  If you can, count that as an asset.  If you need to go out for a drive for a good scream - smart move, btw - that pretty much says everything you need to know.  I've done glass bottles against brick walls in alleys.  Very satisfying.

Congratulations on the sobriety!  My experience is with other 12-step programs, but I'd like to suggest that as an option.  Knowing your small-town situation, it might be more advisable to seek something not quite so close to home if the drive's not too much for your stamina.  I'm speaking from my own experience and that of family and friends who've been in recovery.  Anonymity's great, but realistically, people are people.  When I didn't have "professional" options, the rooms were perfectly fine...and it was free.  What I also found was people from all kinds of backgrounds who helped me in ways I couldn't have imagined.  And I made a few friends.

I don't have all the knowledge, but is SSDI now an option considering the additional medical issues?  Do the hospitals where you did the chemo and surgery have disability advocates like they do in the big city?

I know I'm piling a lot on.  I don't mean to overwhelm.  (I'm familiar with that feeling, too, and perhaps I just eff'd up).  Keep us updated, whatever is going on.

 

 

Edited by MarkintheDark
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27 minutes ago, MarkintheDark said:

I'm a li'l late to the party.  However, I've been down a few portions of this road and I understand some the frustration you feel.  By way of disclosure, I'm an HIV survivor of well over 20 years who's gone through multiple hospitalizations (including COPD), neuropathy, organ inflammation, etc., and whose health just isn't that robust.  I also live in what's cheekily called the Sixth Borough.  That's to say, I'm a bit ornery.

Putting it mildly, that "counselor" doesn't sound like a good fit...for all the reasons you mentioned.  I've had my share.  Just speculating, but if you're old enough to be her dad, she's bound to be intimidated or feel a need to impress with her so-called knowledge.  Problem I've found - I'm in my 60s - is that most 20-somethings don't know squat about life.  So, too, if she has a supervisor, not unlike what I've encountered with psychology interns, she has one for a reason.  Simply, she doesn't have the professional chops to fly solo.  Also, if there's a religious bias to treatment and you don't share it, there's gonna be friction.

[putting on my Sixth Borough hat] imo, you can dump her without hesitation.  I'd add that your intuition sounds right on.  If you can, count that as an asset.  If you need to go out for a drive for a good scream - smart move, btw - that pretty much says everything you need to know.

Congratulations on the sobriety!  My experience is with other 12-step programs, but I'd like to suggest that as an option.  Knowing your small-town situation, it might be more advisable to seek something not quite so close to home.  I'm speaking from my own experience and that of family and friends who've been in recovery.  Anonymity's great, but realistically, people are people.  When I didn't have "professional" options, the rooms were perfectly fine...and it was free.  What also found was people from all kinds of backgrounds who helped me in ways I couldn't have imagined.  I also made a few friends.

I don't have all the knowledge, but is SSDI now an option considering the additional medical issues?  Do the hospitals where you did the chemo and surgery have disability advocates like they do in the big city?

I know I'm piling a lot on.  I don't mean to overwhelm.  (I'm familiar with that feeling, too, and perhaps I just eff'd up).  Keep us updated, whatever is going on.

 

 

Wow, that's heavy. I'm sorry about what you've been through, but you must have incredible strength. I respect your journey and opinions a great deal!

I definitely see what you mean about 20-something professionals. One thought I've had for a long time, having been around a lot of doctors and aged care professionals for various reasons, that it must be disheartening to get to ones Golden Years, (even if they're not feeling that Golden,) and have someone a third to a quarter of your own age making big decisions for you and telling you what's good for you and, more insultingly, what you want. It has never been ok to me. It's disrespectful.

It's great that you're stopping to help folk on the forums, and I wish you the best.

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16 hours ago, MargotMontage said:

Hey, glad I could help a bit! In regard to the counselor, I'm not sure that going to her supervisor will help, because generally they don't care about customers in the industry. (Ok, counselors might be better than psychologists and psychiatrists, I'm not sure. In my experience, if a patient complains, they usually turn it into a symptom of the patient's condition, or even 'condition': they come up with a new diagnosis occasionally based on being ticked off with the patient complaint.) I wouldn't like for you to end up in a worse situation because she's petty, and she seems very petty. It might be best to look for an internet support source rather than go back, considering that she clearly doesn't respect you, (and possibly not her other patients, either.) There are definitely practitioners with God complexes.

I hope you're going to be ok. Hang in there!

Yeah, overall I feel worse for even going to see her in the first place. I mean, I know people (family members) who had smooth college experiences, gotten decent jobs, and lived comfortable lives that get more out of therapy than me. It just feels like here's another thing that works for most, and here I come w/ my shitty life history to be told in effect, "Ah well. Your attitude to all this sucks. Are you gonna make me set up another session for you or....?" Just another dead end for this guy.

Thanks Margot.

-The Last Outpost

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