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Children of narcs refuge.


Nightjar

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Narc mom was badgering me all morning and then when I lost my temper and told her I couldn't have a conversation while I was brushing my effin teeth, she laughed.

She enjoys it when I get wound up. How f'd up is that.

 

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Posted (edited)

They're like Wormtongue on Lord of the Rings.  We could become like the strong powerful king becomes in the story and they know it and they're here to make sure it never happens.  Why?  Because like I said before they are the joker of the story.

Edited by sober4life
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  • 2 weeks later...

I just lost it with her. ...

I tell her about the storage place I've chosen and she tells me, well how much is it, it's up to me which one you use, I will phone them to find out if you don't tell me etc etc.

I argue. Daft I know, narcs never back down but for some reason, I do. In the end I scream at her 'Leave me alone'.

..That about sums it up I think. She wants to control every single thing I do financially. 

She went out. I think she was scared. Good. She's not used to me arguing or shouting or screaming. The majority of the time, I keep everything pushed down so as not to upset her and I don't tell her anything at all to stop her interfering.

I couldn't avoid telling her this because she booked my mover. I shouldn't have even let her do that. It always ends in power trips by her and me feeling completely demoralised. 

Ah well🤷

It's done now.

 

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1 hour ago, Nightjar said:

I just lost it with her. ...

I tell her about the storage place I've chosen and she tells me, well how much is it, it's up to me which one you use, I will phone them to find out if you don't tell me etc etc.

I argue. Daft I know, narcs never back down but for some reason, I do. In the end I scream at her 'Leave me alone'.

..That about sums it up I think. She wants to control every single thing I do financially. 

She went out. I think she was scared. Good. She's not used to me arguing or shouting or screaming. The majority of the time, I keep everything pushed down so as not to upset her and I don't tell her anything at all to stop her interfering.

I couldn't avoid telling her this because she booked my mover. I shouldn't have even let her do that. It always ends in power trips by her and me feeling completely demoralised. 

Ah well🤷

It's done now.

 

Bullies can't handle standing your ground, it throws them off their game, good for you, dont get anxious over it

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It's hard though.  After spending yesterday with them they are absolutely the crazy ones.  The world will never see it that way though.  I'll always be the crazy one.  Why because I'm the one that's different and it's easier to blame one instead of all.  One day when I die whoever is left will say wow he really had a midlife crisis didn't he?

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  • 3 weeks later...

I am just constantly, constantly walking on eggshells...Every little thing needs to be to her liking otherwise I'm anxious of her moods or bullying or rages.

The door needs to be closed just so, godforbid I open a window at the wrong time and hells bells if I don't dedicate portion of my day to her, I am the spawn of the Devil.

I am anxious every time i go out that she is going to get her back up and attack because I haven't okayed it with her first.

She has been in a mood all day, probably because I didn't spend the evening with her yesterday aswell as the afternoon but I think she is mainly freaking out because she knows I'm on my way out of her door and that terrifies her. Losing control of me sends her into blind panic.

..She knows I avoid her like the plague as much as possible, whenever possible. She gets her kicks over controlling me I guess. Her sense of importance. I've always been her favourite play thing.

At the moment, what I feel towards her is not good. Not good at all. I need to get away.

 

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1 hour ago, Nightjar said:

I am just constantly, constantly walking on eggshells...Every little thing needs to be to her liking otherwise I'm anxious of her moods or bullying or rages.

The door needs to be closed just so, godforbid I open a window at the wrong time and hells bells if I don't dedicate portion of my day to her, I am the spawn of the Devil.

I am anxious every time i go out that she is going to get her back up and attack because I haven't okayed it with her first.

She has been in a mood all day, probably because I didn't spend the evening with her yesterday aswell as the afternoon but I think she is mainly freaking out because she knows I'm on my way out of her door and that terrifies her. Losing control of me sends her into blind panic.

..She knows I avoid her like the plague as much as possible, whenever possible. She gets her kicks over controlling me I guess. Her sense of importance. I've always been her favourite play thing.

At the moment, what I feel towards her is not good. Not good at all. I need to get away.

 

Im sorry my friend,  we cannot control how people treat us but we can control how we react, and sometimes that reaction needs to be harsh, but try to at all times  be the better person and smile on your way out the door, never look at where you've been the past is done, concentrate on where you're going, that's your future and it is what you make it

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58 minutes ago, surfcaster said:

Im sorry my friend,  we cannot control how people treat us but we can control how we react, and sometimes that reaction needs to be harsh, but try to at all times  be the better person and smile on your way out the door, never look at where you've been the past is done, concentrate on where you're going, that's your future and it is what you make it

Thankyou. I'm crossing off the days like I'm in prison. When I think that this is how I grew up I'm actually stunned that I'm functional at all.

I can really see how my needs were totally ignored and it makes sense that I was never much good at holding my own in a relationship. I disappeared into them, always putting them first. I had no idea how to get my needs met 🤔 

At the moment, narc mom is all consuming. The anxiety about her mood is 24/7. Any lack of undivided attention sets her off...

I need to get away from that. ... I'm very seriously considering blocking her when I am gone but I may try to get a support system in place first. The fallout from the blocking could be nasty.

I just wanna be on a don't call us, we'll call you basis 😉

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I feel really vulnerable today, like a child. I have no means of escape from the daily criticism and insults..She even b*tches about me to the people around me. I haven't done anything to anyone. I'm a good person. 

She did the thing with the shower again today. She likes to turn it off to inconvenience me if I don't do as I'm told in some way...Today I wasn't eating on demand....My sister is obese because she tows the line....My sister is also very damaged.

What is almost worse is the falseness afterwards....The false niceness after the insults...I'm starting to think that all of the niceness is false and the b*tchy undercurrent is her through and through.

She likes to stare at me. It freaks me out.

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5 hours ago, Nightjar said:

I feel really vulnerable today, like a child. I have no means of escape from the daily criticism and insults..She even b*tches about me to the people around me. I haven't done anything to anyone. I'm a good person. 

She did the thing with the shower again today. She likes to turn it off to inconvenience me if I don't do as I'm told in some way...Today I wasn't eating on demand....My sister is obese because she tows the line....My sister is also very damaged.

What is almost worse is the falseness afterwards....The false niceness after the insults...I'm starting to think that all of the niceness is false and the b*tchy undercurrent is her through and through.

She likes to stare at me. It freaks me out.

i really am going to also celebrate for you when you get your new place and are on your own in total control and out from under that dark umbrella, that place just seems like an all consuming cancer, just hold on a bit longer.

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18 hours ago, surfcaster said:

i really am going to also celebrate for you when you get your new place and are on your own in total control and out from under that dark umbrella, that place just seems like an all consuming cancer, just hold on a bit longer.

Yay! You n me both 🥳🥳🥳

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He always enjoys throwing me off my game.  He asked for my help days ago knowing I would worry about it until then.  Then I show up this morning for the scheduled day to help him and he says I'm tired maybe we'll do it tomorrow.  No maybe he'll do it tomorrow.  I don't care anymore.  I'm done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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He's been relentless lately.  To figure out what's going on you have to take your mind as far into the gutter as you can and there's the answer.  It's because mom's birthday is tomorrow.  That really is what he's thinking.  He has to be the center of attention even then.  Why the hell would I want to be in a world like this?

Edited by sober4life
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On 6/24/2022 at 12:18 AM, sober4life said:

He's been relentless lately.  To figure out what's going on you have to take your mind as far into the gutter as you can and there's the answer.  It's because mom's birthday is tomorrow.  That really is what he's thinking.  He has to be the center of attention even then.  Why the hell would I want to be in a world like this?

It never ceases to amaze me how much they can influence our lives in a negative way 😔

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I'm not afraid anymore though.  I'm annoyed.  I'm sick of it.  I see on tv where family helps you through the hard times but I sure haven't seen it in real life.  Real life is like carrying a heavy bag through the desert all the time.  All they do is show up with another bag for the other hand to carry as if I need that.

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