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Children of narcs refuge.


Nightjar

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13 hours ago, Nightjar said:

I'm getting texts from narc sis and mom saying that they are depressed and it's my fault. It's standard behaviour for them but it really does a number on me and makes me feel awful. It's why they do it I'm sure. They try to shame me into spending time with them.

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It was funny that when I was living with the narc it was almost better in a way because once I was away from the house and the extreme stress,  my life was my own. And no abusive texts or emails. I think going forward changing my number is going to have to happen.... 

And there is part of your dilemna that you face.

You keep a phone they can call or text. They shame and harass you. When you lived at home harassig you was much more convenient. So you moved and not much has changed. Unfortunately and sadly your options are very limited. I think, actually I know that you know what you really need to do. You keep saying you can't cut the cord on this because of how sad you get, yet they make you sad now on an even bigger basis. When you move it shouldn't just be adding some physical distance but continuing this sick relationship. It's your chance to move on and let the rest of the awesome Nightjar gal come out. ❣️

 

 

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9 hours ago, In2deep4me said:

And there is part of your dilemna that you face.

You keep a phone they can call or text. They shame and harass you. When you lived at home harassig you was much more convenient. So you moved and not much has changed. Unfortunately and sadly your options are very limited. I think, actually I know that you know what you really need to do. You keep saying you can't cut the cord on this because of how sad you get, yet they make you sad now on an even bigger basis. When you move it shouldn't just be adding some physical distance but continuing this sick relationship. It's your chance to move on and let the rest of the awesome Nightjar gal come out. ❣️

 

 

I love this❤️ Where would I be without my mentors on this site, helping me get up and carry on my way? 

 

 

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Well they'll make us think we can't make it anywhere without them.  The truth is we try to do everything on our own we can think of and call everyone else on earth for help first because if we do get that help from them it will be used as a weapon against us for the rest of our lives.  Remember when I did this or that to make us feel bad and guilty until the end.

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I've become a hoarder because of this.  That's the real obsession trying to make sure nobody has to come here and hurt me again.  I want to be able to walk into a building and find absolutely anything I need for any problem.  I'm even willing to get in way over my head with things I don't really know how to do just for that slim chance I might not have to have anyone here.

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9 hours ago, sober4life said:

I've become a hoarder because of this.  That's the real obsession trying to make sure nobody has to come here and hurt me again.  I want to be able to walk into a building and find absolutely anything I need for any problem.  I'm even willing to get in way over my head with things I don't really know how to do just for that slim chance I might not have to have anyone here.

Yes, I recognise the lengths I would go to, to avoid having to have narcs in my space or my business. I'm going to pretty extreme lengths right now.... 

But, we gotta do what we gotta do 🤷‍♀️

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

My life at this point is that song I'll never get out of this world alive.  I don't want to be here anymore.  I hope for death every time I go to bed because of this and lots of things really.  I hate this life every second of it.

:hugs:

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I'll never have the strength to leave this situation.  This place will be my tomb.  So just get it over with god.  Whatever I've done I've served a long enough sentence.

You can do anything you want to do sober. I believe in you 🤠

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  • 2 weeks later...

My family is beyond exhausted dealing with my older brother. Lately he says threatening things to my dad and then my dad urges him on, tells my brother to attack him. My dad is at his wits end but he still won't kick him out because he doesn't think he can care for himself. Everyone is terrified of my brother but he's just a coward...he's nothing but a coward. Too scared to live alone, expects everyone to do his bidding...he's garbage personified. But that's an insult to garbage.

I wish someone would exorcise that demon out of our life.

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On 4/16/2021 at 9:37 AM, sober4life said:

I'll never have the strength to leave this situation.  This place will be my tomb.  So just get it over with god.  Whatever I've done I've served a long enough sentence.

Same. I'm supposed to live another 40-50 years on the very slim chance that something good might happen? Nothing's going to make up for all the trauma I've dealt with, I am so tired of it all.

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20 hours ago, Kogent5 said:

Same. I'm supposed to live another 40-50 years on the very slim chance that something good might happen? Nothing's going to make up for all the trauma I've dealt with, I am so tired of it all.

I hear you :hugs:

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It’s spring when my narcs mother is coming north for the summer. It’s sad but it is exactly like a Seinfeld episode. Six months of the year I have a 1400 mile buffer. My stress level goes down, my anxiety is manageable and my depression lessens.    She doesn’t come home for another week and I can already feel my anxiety rising. It’s awful. Imagine the worst relationship of your life is over,  and you start to rebuild your life. Then less than a year later you are in that relationship again. Now imagine repeating that cycle for 20 years. My marriages on the rocks, my job is a question and now I have this to deal with . At what point do I say forget it all? If it wasn’t for my kids I would’ve said it long ago.

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I never get any chance to recover.  This will never end.  It will go on as long as I'm on Earth anywhere.  I wish it was as easy as tv where I could just walk out of here one day and change my name and never be seen or heard from again.  That is the only way it might end.  I wish I could call a phone number like on Breaking Bad and someone could just give me another life somewhere.  Even if my life was pretending to be an animal at the zoo or in the circus it would be better than this.

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9 hours ago, mikeb6901 said:

At what point do I say forget it all? If it wasn’t for my kids I would’ve said it long ago.

Yep, this is the million dollar question and one I keep asking myself over and over. I'm still doing it. 

With regards to your kids though, I'm pretty sure that if your mom is a narcissist, she will eventually have the same impact on them 🤔 and actually, she already is impacting them by upsetting you so much. Your relationships with your kids will definitely be impacted by your worsening depression and anxiety 🤔

I'm sorry if this is blunt. I'm probably saying it so bluntly because I need to hear it myself 😬

Edited by Nightjar
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Very intuitive! And trust me, I thought that as well.  Around them I can hold myself together so they dont see the effect she has on me.  As for her and them, she has never been alone with them.  The few times she started to act up, we left immediately. I swore to myself if I ever had kids they would not grow up with that in their life. I think it worked because they are at an age now where they ask "dad what's grammies problem?"  😂

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All they really have to do is wait for me to go on my walk one day and call 911 and say I'm missing and it's over.  I remember how it was the times I ran away as a kid.  I had plenty of friends that just ran away one day and never went back.  They spent the rest of their childhoods at their friend's house.  Nobody did anything.  Me with schizophrenia all mom had to do is call 911 and within an hour or two there were hundreds of people looking for me cops, firemen, family, everyone in town really.  There were even helicopters searching.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

Me with schizophrenia all mom had to do is call 911 and within an hour or two there were hundreds of people looking for me cops, firemen, family, everyone in town really.  There were even helicopters searching.

Poor sober. Bloody hell, they wanna make their mind up or what? They ignore you completely and then, bam, you're the most important person in town 🤨

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10 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Poor sober. Bloody hell, they wanna make their mind up or what? They ignore you completely and then, bam, you're the most important person in town 🤨

None of them really care about me.  They all need to control me.  It's different.  They treat me like a kid.  I'll make sure I send them all a Christmas video of me and the rabbit eating peaches from the front yard.🐇

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33 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

How is that bunny? 🐇

He's doing fine.  He's a very lovable pet.  He's brown and I found him by accident one day looking for a jacket.  I had no idea they had rabbits there.  There are stores around here that are like Walmart for the most part but they have rabbits and chickens.  It was only $20 for the rabbit so yes I had to do it.  I keep his cage in the exercise room I try to avoid.🤐I mostly just let him run around and sit up on the couch with me when I'm home.

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