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I feel pretty terrible

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This week has been dire and its left me feeling so darn low

My dad texted me and he gave my mum's things when she died years ago and in my text my dad asked for the ring back and it was not even a nice way he did it

he said Hey Son know your grandmas vases they are worth £1400 he said that they need repairing and he would swap them for the ring, no reasons or explanations just straight out hey how are you want to swap for your grandmas vases that were my mum's

it hurt me to be honest, mum loved her rings she loved her things and all he did when she died was sell everything off and give it away and I am just really really upset and offended, these rings meant a lot to me and they were my grandmas.

Today someone nasty got my face book account banned by claiming that my profile is fake when its not and I had two years of game saves and data on that account which also upset me a great deal and I lost my therapist so I got no one to talk to and my new therapy is months away but the nhs cant be trusted to be fully open with as they record everything you say like data miners and store it forever

Iv'e had enough of life and being alive and the thought of what happens after I die scares me because I don't believe I am a good person my thoughts tell me that all the time and that I am just fooling everyone. I keep coming across some right nasty abusive people and I just don't want to know people anymore, these cats of mine never treat me like dirt, maybe they some times scratch and bite and trash the house but its not done out of malice and  what you see if what you get, that is why I love animals better than I do people because they are not two faced or evil they are pure. I would like to take off across the countryside in to the wilderness and never look back, never go back

I can only imagine that my father wants this ring because he is broke like I am broke and he wants an engagement ring for his new girlfriend but in stead of telling me he keeps it from me and I am hurt, I know he has no sentimental value the ring means nothing to him because like all mum's stuff and our stuff growing up he just sold it off or gave it away, he did not even say "Look Son mum's ring means a lot to me, I want to have it because its dear to me" non of that just here's some vases they are worth money look, you can sell em and I will swap the ring for them. When I declined he was like "OK I understand, I will give the vases to your cousins so we can keep them in the family" and he knew very well that those vases mean naff all to him because he tried to sell them for the last year or so and he can't he was told that they need to be restored and being restored costs money and he doesn't have money, neither do I, everything that comes in goes on food and bills and even then isn't enough for a basic life style. I don't care if dad does anything because I won't swap the ring, he cant do anything worse to me then the loss of my kin and mum because I am dead inside and badly broken so much that the thought of my own demise doesn't worry me anymore because if I die then I don't have to suffer anymore.


I got dead lines and chores I got to do but I am struggling because I feel in a really bad place right now. I talked to my friends and relatives on facebook and asked no one to tell my dad what I said and some one has gone to dad and told him because he was like "morning I hope you feel better today" I never told I wasn't OK, I only said online"

you see my problem here? 

Deep down I don't feel like my dad gives a dam about me because he keeps saying he will help or do things and then he lets me down time and time again and never does what he says he will do but when he wants something, its a different story and I am just really hurt. 

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Ferry Jerry

I'm tracking.  I can understand why it would be hard to trust your dad.  And I'm sorry that someone messed with your Facebook account.  That is like stealing.  


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