Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
stolenmile

Not enjoying life anymore

Recommended Posts

Hi, everyone!

I have a tiny problem - I am not enjoying my life anymore. I'm not thinking about suicide, no, it's actually a couple of really annoying things: 1) I don't have any(!) desire to improve my life, 2) I want to cry constantly, 3) I pretend to be happy all the time, 4) I don't feel any real connection to any human being, 5) I have a vivid imagination and in my head I always get hurt or there is an apocalypse and everything burns down or I just fall down a deep hole or something because I deserve to be destroyed. I suppose, in my head all my mental pain has some physical form, hence the apocalyptic fantasies.

And I don't know how to start enjoying life again, how to be motivated or just fix what's broken. Any thoughts?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Stolenmile:  Thanks for posting and sharing what's going on inside you.  Is there some sadness in your life that needs your attention.  I don't know, but I know that when I experience something like what you are describing there is usually some sadness I'm avoiding acknowledging.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I do have some thoughts that might help.

You mentioned the words pretend and vivid imagination.

You also mentioned a deep hole to fall into.

I am a big believer in using metaphors to strategize solutions to mental problems.

Metaphors require pretending and imagination.

Metaphors don't actually exist unless we pretend, imagine and make - believe them into existence.

Personally I invoke a cave metaphor for my depression and I must "anchor" myself outside this very deep, dark dangerous abyss.

If you can make your imagination a trusted friend then the sky's the limit for yourself.

Anyway maybe this is food for thought.

Oscar

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/14/2019 at 7:42 PM, Tim 52 said:

Stolenmile:  Thanks for posting and sharing what's going on inside you.  Is there some sadness in your life that needs your attention.  I don't know, but I know that when I experience something like what you are describing there is usually some sadness I'm avoiding acknowledging.  

On the one hand, I don't have any serious issues in my life, but on the other hand, this meaningful life just drives me mad. I hate how the world works, and there's not much I can do about it. Sounds stupid, but I think about how the girls are raised, how they become women, how they give birth, how they watch their husbands cheat, how they grow old and hate themselves, how they live on their tiny pensions, how many deaths are stupid or by accident, how people regret a lot and hate a lot... I know there are exceptions, but in my world somehow all the above is true. And I could have an education, a friend, a kid, a job, but the world is still the same and I can not be happy with it.

Maybe it sounds stupid, but it's just my view of life now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry about the rough patch.  I'm not minimizing, but I've also read posts where you've been doing well.  My sense is that at least some of these feelings will pass.  And, yeah, sometimes I'm completely wrong.  But I'll put it out there anyway.

The apocalyptic stuff struck a chord.  For me, it's been WWIII scenarios, perhaps b/c I'm a child of the Cold War.  When I get in that space I know I'm in trouble, as oddly comforting as those scenarios feel at the time.  Believe me, I can't explain it.  It DOES pass eventually.

Dare I ask if therapy is an option?  Plenty of folks here have lots of experience in shopping for a therapist and can help you out with that.

I'm wondering, too, how the leg is doing.  Obviously that affected you while you were laid up and, heck, it's only been a couple months.  Maybe it's b/c I'm old, but physical disabilities almost take a harder toll on me emotionally.

Like I said, I'm just putting a few thots out there....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/16/2019 at 1:33 AM, sober4life said:

I don't think there is an apocalypse coming or a war but I always have and always will believe the world is against me because over and over it has been proven true.

So sorry to hear that! I hope you're strong enough to keep fighting!:)

The world is indeed a cruel place.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/15/2019 at 11:56 PM, MarkintheDark said:

Sorry about the rough patch.  I'm not minimizing, but I've also read posts where you've been doing well.  My sense is that at least some of these feelings will pass.  And, yeah, sometimes I'm completely wrong.  But I'll put it out there anyway.

The apocalyptic stuff struck a chord.  For me, it's been WWIII scenarios, perhaps b/c I'm a child of the Cold War.  When I get in that space I know I'm in trouble, as oddly comforting as those scenarios feel at the time.  Believe me, I can't explain it.  It DOES pass eventually.

Dare I ask if therapy is an option?  Plenty of folks here have lots of experience in shopping for a therapist and can help you out with that.

I'm wondering, too, how the leg is doing.  Obviously that affected you while you were laid up and, heck, it's only been a couple months.  Maybe it's b/c I'm old, but physical disabilities almost take a harder toll on me emotionally.

Like I said, I'm just putting a few thots out there....

Wow, thanks for reading about my journey.

My leg is better, thank you. I love sport, so it was very hard in the beginning, but I found other ways to do exercises - on one leg or upside down LOL. After a week, when I was able to stand up, I just turned it into a game and it was even fun. It may sound weird, but when I have an actual problem (like a physical one), I concentrate on it and, for a while, it seems like I don't have any mental problems. And then I suddenly have free time to be alone with myself and it all comes back.

I hope it'll pass again, because my mental health seems like a roller-coaster: when I am with coworkers or acquaintances I am happy, but when I am alone and think about my life - then I want the apocalyptic scenario to come to life and just take my whole world down.

Do you get actual help from a therapist? I've tried several different people, but they all say my troubled childhood is the problem and I am kind of tired of reviving it every time I talk a therapist. I want to concentrate on my current situation, you know.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

From this side of the screen it sounds like you might be doing a little better.  Then again, I've been wrong before...bahahaha.

Perhaps hit up other members for their take on therapists, too.  I've had my share and, like you, got so damn sick of rehashing the history.  Eventually I just wrote down a few major points - took forever to edit down - and that would be my introduction.  Heck, even that exercise was useful to me and I've done it for a few years now.  My approach was to tell 'em I'd go into more detail when/if an issue required it.

Come to think of it, that was a way of taking charge of my recovery.  That li'l exercise in itself was a demonstration of the progress I'd made.  I suspect you may be in a similar place.

I've also found I'm more willing to assert myself in therapy.  I found my last therapist, for all the help he provided, would sometimes make assumptions that were flat-out wrong.  And I'd correct him.  It was a matter of him not having sufficient information.  So, I'd fill in the blanks.  Though I might have briefly felt angry about it - more frustration that he couldn't read my mind, as though that was reasonable! - I was able to tell myself he simply didn't have a grasp of, what for me, was a complicated and/or confusing issue.  My task was to help him understand.

My therapy has been on-and-off.  I've gotten more from some therapists than others, tbh.  None has been a panacea.  Just not realistic for me.

Edited by MarkintheDark

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Therapy has help me a lot especially EMDR therapy because you don't have to talk about all the details and it helps with closure so as not to let the past experiences trigger problems in your present life. I wish you well, solenmile!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/17/2019 at 2:17 PM, BeyondWeary said:

Therapy has help me a lot especially EMDR therapy because you don't have to talk about all the details and it helps with closure so as not to let the past experiences trigger problems in your present life. I wish you well, solenmile!

what exactly does it do for you ??

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/17/2019 at 10:26 AM, MarkintheDark said:

Eventually I just wrote down a few major points - took forever to edit down - and that would be my introduction.  Heck, even that exercise was useful to me and I've done it for a few years now.  My approach was to tell 'em I'd go into more detail when/if an issue required it.

Actually, this sounds like a useful exercise, but I think I may have mini meltdowns while reliving some awful moments once again. But it'd save a lot of time in the therapist's office...

 

On 5/17/2019 at 10:26 AM, MarkintheDark said:

From this side of the screen it sounds like you might be doing a little better.  Then again, I've been wrong before...bahahaha.

You're kind of right LOL. My depression hits hard, but it lasts for about a week or a couple of them, and then for a while I feel fine (or maybe I just get myself very busy). But then I hit some trigger and I am back at the beginning - alone, crying and hating it all. It's like I suddenly remember something and want the world to collapse because I can't handle this feeling. And if I tell you that I am okay now, the most important word would be "now", because my depression hits me like waves.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/17/2019 at 9:17 PM, BeyondWeary said:

Therapy has help me a lot especially EMDR therapy because you don't have to talk about all the details and it helps with closure so as not to let the past experiences trigger problems in your present life. I wish you well, solenmile!

I have heard about it, but I still don't understand the concept. Was it something your ordinary therapist suggested?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@stolenmile,

I have been to several therapists over the past 15 years. One I stayed with for 15 months and one day decided that he no longer understood what was going on in my brain. Others I didn't feel comfortable with. The current one I have been seeing for 2 1/2 years. I feel comfortable talking to her about what's going one and has given me some coping skills. Also I have been doing neuro feedback with her. It's better if you google it as I don't completely get it but it has helped some. (but don't tell my therapist I said that!) She heard me laugh one day and thought that was progress... nope, just my depressed self being sarcastic!

Some people find a good therapist right off but like me some take a long time and some never do find a therapist that is a good fit. Someone you can really open up to or see through your bs and calls you on it

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, stolenmile said:

I have heard about it, but I still don't understand the concept. Was it something your ordinary therapist suggested?

Stolenmile

Emdr is designed to surface and then neutralize the power of traumatic memories.  It has been tested pretty thoroughly and there are therapists who have gone through extensive emdr training.  

I've experienced it with a well-trained therapist.  It was moderately helpful. 

Tim 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, stolenmile said:

And if I tell you that I am okay now, the most important word would be "now", because my depression hits me like waves.

We're definitely on the same page.  For me it's been an acquired habit.  The few people with whom I'm close understand the distinction.  It helps me break down my day into manageable slices.  At the depths of my depression, otoh, everything becomes sh^t...and that li'l acquired habit sometimes helps me avoid it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, stolenmile said:

I have heard about it, but I still don't understand the concept. Was it something your ordinary therapist suggested?

Yes, my regular therapist got trained in it and has seen a lot of good results with it.

BW

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, BeyondWeary said:

Yes, my regular therapist got trained in it and has seen a lot of good results with it.

BW

what does it do?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, ladysmurf said:

what does it do?

Basically, you store emotions from past experiences in your right brain and they are especially strong with trauma. So situations in the present that are similar can trigger those past very strong feelings. EMDR therapy connects the right brain with the left brain, which is where the mind can reason through things and provide closure, using rapid eye movements by following the therapist hand as she moves it back and forth in front of you or by tapping the backs of your hands, back and forth. There are now even "tappers" that you hold in your hand and they vibrate back and forth.  You would answers a  few questions before hand and share what you experienced after each "set" of eye movements or tapping. The therapists will guide you through the process, as what to focus on, at your own pace. This is from what I have read and my own experiences with it.

BW

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...