Jump to content
SeekingTruth36

Hopelessness In Life, Please Help

Recommended Posts

I'm severely depressed in life and at work to the point where I've had to get accommodations to work from home.  I'm on Wellbutrin for anxiety and depression.  I've been on 8 different medications throughout my life that I remember since age 8.  I'm a 36 year old male, married for nearly 13 years.  My wife says she can't be the person to talk to about the things I'm suffering from, and I don't have any dependable friends to talk to.  I don't really have any friends for that matter aside from my wife.  My wife is all I have, because I come from a very abusive and neglecting family, so I don't speak with my biological family.  I live with the injustice every day of how they treated me and pushed me away.  It's dangerous to not have a family or friends that I can rely on.  I've known this for many years.  Every day I wake up, I focus strongly on being professional, but also very kind, pleasant, and accepting toward others, but this doesn't matter at all with my co-workers.  They laugh and carry on with each other, but most of them don't speak to me at all.  It's all the more difficult, because I'm an altruist.  I'm the one who focuses on trying to be more helpful and understanding towards others, but not only am I not getting that in return, I have numerous people who don't want anything to do with me, and I know I haven't done anything to them, my co-workers included.  My job as of recently is being threatened by my superiors telling me that I could lose my job.  They are people who do not care to deal with people who have mental disabilities.  I really need someone or multiple people to talk to, because my situation is not getting any better, and I'm feeling hopeless about life.  I have seen multiple counselors over the years from a young age, and many times they've actually made things worse.  I have struggled so much with holding down a job ever since college, and it's destroying my career and my life.  The only reason I'm not homeless is because of my wife.  I'm also struggling with my spiritual relationship with God, and I feel like it's slipping.  All of these things combined and more are too much to deal with.  Someone please help me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi and welcome to these Forums, SeekingTruth36. 

Peer-to-peer support is what the Forums is all about, so I hope you make many friends here.  Depression and anxiety can be so brutal sometimes and only those who struggle with them can really understand.  At least that has been my experience.  You write of many things I have experienced myself, sadly. 

I would like to write more,  but right now I am suffering from painful tendinitis in both hands so I cannot type for long.  Hopefully these Forums will be as helpful to you as they have been to me.  It is nice to meet you and I am really looking forward to reading your posts!

- epictetus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Seeking Truth, I am so sorry for what you have to go through and for not having anyone close that really wants to listen. I know how it feels to try and always be the nice one, the one trying to fix everything the one trying to please everyone.

I know how it feels to not have any family by your side because you had to make the hard choice to get out of the abuse or to stay and die inside. 

I know how it feels to be the scapegoat at work, the one who is never really good enough, the one "they" take their frustrasions out on. The one who is told "you are gonna lose your job" 

Four years ago I did not lose it but I gave it up cause I couldn't take the stress anymore. 

I am also just hanging on for dear life. Now I have a part time job that doesn't pay much, but I don't have the stress of the previous job. It was a choice I had to make. 

I've put in many years of studies to be able to qualify for my previous job, now I don't even use it. 

I am sorry that you feel so depressed and that people get you down. 

The only thing that I still hang on to is my faith. And yes, it is very difficult to even hang on when one feels so depressed and hopeless. 

The other thing that I try to do is to eat more healthy food and I have noticed a little bit of a difference when I don't eat gluten products. And I go for a walk every single day. I play with my dogs and try to see the small beauties in life, literally stop and smell a flower or look at the shape and colours of different leaves. The sounds of different birds, how the hop on the ground. The different pictures one can make up in your mind when you look at the clouds.

Writing down your thoughts. Everything. As if you are talking to someone you really really trust and then afterwards burn the paper. 

Crying. For me this one helps alot. It brings out all those feelings. And then afterwards focus on something good. Anything that will lift up your spirit. 

And then of course talking to people who will listen (or in our case; read.) 

I hope you will find the strength to hold on and not give up on yourself. Even though others have. You are worth so much. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A very warm welcome new friend to our forum family.

You made a great decision to join.

We are always here to help each other as best we can.

Our goal is to not leave anyone behind in their depression cave.

My approach is to recognize depression as a natural formation / resource.

I suggest you keep posting and check out some other posts.

Life is way too short to be lost and trapped within oneself.

Depression can be manageable with determined cleverness and powerful metaphors.

Stick with us and stick with yourself.

Oscar

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you everyone for your kind words.  While I greatly appreciate that emotional support and it's true part of me is seeking relationships, I'm afraid I'm trying to get more concrete advice from people who have been there and survived it, or from people who have studied deep in the word of God, and I mean DEEP.  I've grown up in the church so all I've ever heard is to just keep trusting in God, and to know that His timing is everything, but things for me are really falling apart and I really need to try and fix them but I don't know how.  I live in Noblesville, Indiana and I have been searching for trustworthy people, or groups from that area as well.  I wasn't sure if anyone knew of someone else from this area.  As for my job, I have to figure out ways to protect myself because I'm feeling very threatened right now at work, so I'm to the point of reaching out for legal counsel if I have to.  I have been through the worst hell and injustice in my life and I really, really need some answers.  I'm trying to help myself in this immediate instance, as that is all part of survival in this fast-paced, work-a-day world.  I don't know what else to do.  I've already turned to God's Word, and directly to God in prayer many, many times over and I'm not feeling His presence like I used to.  The times that I do turn to many versus, it's comfort that doesn't help my direct problems, because the problems are still present and active in my life.  My wife and I can't even find a church to settle down in and call home.  We've been church hopping for the last several years.  I need concrete help and advice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We are a secular forum welcoming people from all walks of life.

If you're only interested in a religious solution maybe you might want a different forum.

We really do want to help out members regardless of beliefs.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

While my spiritual struggles are a huge part of my concerns, I'm not solely looking for resolution with that.  Yes, I'm seeking philosophical answers, but also deep discussions from a psychological level.  The scientific approach to people, and why they do what they do.  I've been reading quite a bit of other posts actually, and I saw a number of people posting versus from the Bible specifically within this forum and group called "Depression and Religion Forum".  So you can see where I may feel a little confused.  I'm seeking both, and I figured this was the right place to come.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

Welcome @SeekingTruth36. Sorry that sometimes not many people come to the religion forums. But in Depression Central forums, the people here I find are quite supportive. It’s just that many of us have been hurt by religion, but there are many too who struggle while still hanging on to their faith. So we might not be able to assist you much, but you are still welcome to post how religion has a part in your depression. Just letting it out helps me clear my mind sometimes. You’re not a burden, your posts do help those who read and are not confident enough to speak up. 

I too am struggling in this area, but for me, music helps a lot. I switch on YouTube playlists on the songs of blessings that call to God for help and for peace. Been doing that and it helps for a few years cos lyrics of some music are very powerful. 

I’m personally not very good at philosophical discussion. But what I do know is life is essentially an endless series of problems. The solution of one problem is merely the creation of the next one. The sense of accomplishment comes from solving these problem and it could be that your spiritual journey is still ongoing before you find a place that agrees with your heart.

I know it’s cliche but sometimes we need to experience the wrong things and learn lessons from the wrong people before we can get on the right path and appreciate it. It’s human nature. Like how as a baby we do not know the pot is hot until we touch it and it hurts our hands, and it’s a lesson for us. Pain and suffering is a call from God to go back to him. Cos without it, we might not call to God and forget his blessings.

Trusting God and believing in his plan is one of the most difficult pills to swallow. Cos there is no such thing as a life without problems. In this world, you will never truly be happy. True happiness comes from the next world. Here, human nature need problems to help us grow. 

Anyway, I don’t know if I have answered your question I’m sorry it’s such a long post. I know that pain of hopelessness in our minds that keep spouting negative words that makes us so lost and confused. It hurts and I wish that we can get out of it but they keep coming back. It takes strength to pull through. I do hope you get God’s help in your search. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome SeekingTruth36! You are not a burden. We are all struggling to survive with this awful illness of depression. Some of us are having a hard time in our spiritual lives as well. I'm not sure there are answers to what you seek that we on this earth can understand. God ways are higher than our ways. I just know He is here for me and I'm learning to trust what I can't understand. It is hard to sense His presence when I'm really feeling my depression and anxiety. 

Maybe a good psychiatrist could help you and maybe some EMDR therapy with a therapist. I have had very good experiences with both and that has helped a lot. Hope you keep coming back, reading, and posting. We will support you as best we can.

BW

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...