No friends and never had girlfriend

[ssanteri]

Hi.

I'm soon 20 yo guy from Finland and for 5 years of my life I haven't had any friends and I never had girlfriend. This has made me very socially awkward and shy.

In times, I feel like there is no one who would miss me if I die, but there is my mom and grandparents. When they are gone I am compleatly alone.. It is not relevant happening, but still that time already worries me.

What should I do? How can I find friends or even possibly girlfriend?

[Lostonesweeping]

Hello there! Unfortunately, I am in a very similar boat to you. Unfortunate as in this post is kind of the blind leading the blind type ordeal. Since I was a kid till I was 20 years old I didn't have any friends and the only real relationship was an online one where I was being two timed the entire time because she always had a real bf. Luckily I was able to make some work friends and from there I became a part of a friend group. While I am still the odd one out since they have been friend for many years before me, I still feel like I am progressively getting better.

 

The easiest way I have been able to make friends is first get an idea of what you are wanting/expecting from a friendship.  A relationship between people is always complex even as friends. Some friends are fine with just watching movies together and nothing else or just talking online but not hanging out in real life. Once you know what kind of friendship you are looking for, find people that have similar interests as you that are wanting the same type of friendship.

 

Making friends with people that are completely opposite of you is fine. Just know that it's harder to form a bond and you may only enjoy being with them for a little at a time. If you find someone that has the same interests, talking to them and asking them about what they have been doing becomes less of a chore and more of something you enjoy and look forward to talking about. 

 

The best places I found it's easiest to make friends are places where people are wanting to better themselves or are trying to learn a new skill such as School, Church, Gyms, Music Lessons, etc. When people are working on bettering themselves, they enjoy making friends that understand what they are going through and are able to walk the same path as them.

The internet is also a great place since it's easier to find people that have your specific interest. The downside I have found though is that most people I have interacted with have not been open to the idea of making friends so conversations are usually short and are more like bumping into to someone rather than making real friendships. I'm sure there are platforms though that people looking for friends spend time on, I just don't have any experience or knowledge of those platforms.

 

Everything I have said here is based on my personal experiences and observations. Hopefully some of these tips will be able to help you! Nice to meet you btw!

Edited April 30, 2019 by Lostonesweeping
Clarification and Grammar

[desperateloser]

You should consider yourself lucky to be living in Finland. I don't think you're ugly considering the country's handsome men population. I have an opinion. If a person is an average or above average, he must never drag himself into loneliness. Handsome people have the solution of everything. You can go to the Gym and improve your body. Or you can increase your self-esteem by bartending and communicating with the girls etc.  If I weren't ugly, I'd take these steps.

Edited April 30, 2019 by desperateloser

[ssanteri]

23 minutes ago, desperateloser said:

You should consider yourself lucky to be living in Finland. I don't think you're ugly considering the country's handsome men population. I have an opinion. If a person is an average or above average, he must never drag himself into loneliness. Handsome people have the solution of everything. You can go to the Gym and improve your body. Or you can increase your self-esteem by bartending and communicating with the girls etc.  If I weren't ugly, I'd take these steps.

I wouldn't say I'm ugly, but I'm not Adonis either

[Tears_Always]

6 minutes ago, ssanteri said:

I wouldn't say I'm ugly, but I'm not Adonis either

Most women (not girls) are not looking for Adonis, they don't need the vanity. You have to open yourself up which is hard. Women want and friend and partner, someone who will listen and help them.

[Soarsie18]

I agree with tears. Look after yourself and put yourself out there.

[Ratvan]

Be yourself and be true to you

[ladysmurf]

On 4/30/2019 at 11:21 AM, ssanteri said:

Hi.

I'm soon 20 yo guy from Finland and for 5 years of my life I haven't had any friends and I never had girlfriend. This has made me very socially awkward and shy.

In times, I feel like there is no one who would miss me if I die, but there is my mom and grandparents. When they are gone I am compleatly alone.. It is not relevant happening, but still that time already worries me.

What should I do? How can I find friends or even possibly girlfriend?

do they have meetup.com there? maybe you can join in groups and meet people that have similar interests. do you work? or go to school? you can join clubs, volunteer, etc ?? and like others said be yourself..don't change for anyone..if someone wants to be in your life they will for who you are, not who you aren't..