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Steak47

Dads suicide- obsession with men?

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I have a diagnosis of depression and anxiety. Never officially had an OCD diagnosis but i know i have it and have been treated for intrusive thoughts. 

Im just wondering whether OCD can make you obsessed with people? Or whether my Dads suicide at the age of 2 has ****ed me up? There have been multiple men whether at work or uni that i have NOT been able to stop fantasizing about! They occupy nearly all my thoughts for weeks, months on end and only stop when i don't see them for a while. Its like i ache to have them. Most of the time i barely know them but create these fantasies of us and leaves me a touch out of reality. 

The worst part about this is i have a long term boyfriend who i love sooo much! We dont have sex because i struggle to want sex after the honeymoon phase in every relationship ive been in.. sometimes i think this could be a factor in my fixation on other men too?

I guess im looking for advice/reassurance????

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I'll do what I can on the reassurance part with the caveat I'm not a professional.  I think many of us here on DF would agree there can be both genetic and environmental components to our respective mental illnesses.  I'd surmise some of those genetic components are at work here.

I didn't meet my birthmother until I was in my 30s.  It became abundantly clear she had untreated mental health issues, among them depression.  In a sense it was a relief for me to have that knowledge as I struggled to deal with my own depression.  That being said, I also had contributing environmental factors from being raised in an adopted family with multiple divorces, alcoholism, etc.

Have you considered therapy as a way to explore this?  This may sound a bit odd, but watching my birthmother struggle with this while steadfastly refusing to get treatment - ostensibly b/c her generation considered it "shameful" - actually provided an impetus for me to keep seeking help.  In short, I didn't want to end up like her.

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Hi Steak47,

     What you write of is something similar to what I experienced when I was younger [I am 64 years old].  The brain seems to have a mind of its own sometimes,  if that makes any sense.  Tendinitis pain in my hands prevents me from writing more at this time but I do hope you get many responses to you post, many helpful and reassuring responses.  You deserve relief from your concerns and worries ! ! !  - epictetus

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