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negative thoughts, worrisome

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[possibly triggering].

it's been ages since i made a post here, but i wasn't sure where else to go about this.

i've had some quite unhealthy thoughts, more so recently, about mortality. they haven't been suicidal thoughts or about me, but just about the potential for death. it's a bit hard to explain but it happened today and put be in a depressive spell for a bit. i was waiting for the light rail train (in a tunnel) and thought about how easy it would be to step into the tracks and be gone. it wouldn't be hard if no one was around, as there was barely anyone there. this thought has also occurred when thinking about sitting or standing on a tall building, how easy it would be to go over. and some other examples of ways to end life. but "healthy" people don't do it. it is not because of hesitation or anything. for most people not in the depths of darkness, it just doesn't happen. somehow our brains know better. but somehow my brain keeps wandering through these potentials. i know it is unhealthy. but i don't know how worried i should be. i mean other than some negative emotions that come from time to time, i usually feel nothing at all. literally nothing, neutral. i don't know what to do about this or if anyone else has these thoughts. i just needed a place to share this. anyone have any advice or similar thoughts to this?

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Welcome back! I know what you are talking about. I have some of those thoughts too. What has helped me is believing that there are unseen evil forces out in the world that can bring these thoughts to one's mind. When I dismiss the thoughts over and over again, they go away. I once heard it explained that our thoughts are like a river and we are standing by it watching the thoughts flow downstream. Some of them will jump out at us yet we have the choice to throw them back in the river and let them go. Others that help us and are true, we keep and hold onto. Hope that helps some.

BW

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I, too have felt this way. For the past 3 days on the way to work I start counting the telephone  poles and tell myself that when I get to number whatever, I will steer the car into that pole. What stops me, there are too many people around, there are kids at a bus stop that don't need to see the mess  I would cause. or I start singing with the radio and forget what number I was on.

@BeyondWeary  I never thought of thoughts being like a river. but that is really how  my thoughts work. They go  round and round, next time, I will remember what you said about throwing them back in the river.

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There is no hidden content. Just tech challenged me, hitting a key and not being able to figure out how to get rid of the mistake.🤦‍♀️

Edited by nojoy
hit wrong key, couldn't figure out how to undo spoiler bar

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Hi! Sorry you are in distress. What you described sounds like suicidal ideation. By itself it's not a sign that you're actively seeking your own end. It's more like a coping technique, the appeal is in knowing that you have ultimate control over the source of your pain, anxiety, worry or whatever. 

And some people who don't suffer with mental illness do use ideation sometimes when stress is overwhelming it gives the illusion of control that we seek. 

We don't want to rely on ideation for comfort or distress tolerance so it's a good idea to rewire your brain away from it. Cognitive therapies are very helpful for this. In the meantime they not to dwell on it as it'll be more difficult to let suicidal thoughts go if youre pondering their meaning. As @BeyondWeary wrote, thoughts are like a flowing stream. Or if you prefer, imagine thoughts to be like the letters in smoke from a sky writer airplane. Let them come then let them go.

 

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