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sad in grand Rapids

Terrible urge to use

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I'm craving using herb and drinking right now. I almost used already but decided to post instead. I haven't been using food today to self medicate  and my cravings to get high have skyrocketed.  I want to use and at the same time i don't want to use.  The problem is if i use i will feel better for a while and quite possibly really good. That said its just as likely i will bad. Also when everything wears off i am sure to feel worse.     Okay i wrote this friday but never posted it. I'm having a terrible urge to use both. I've been fantasising all day about it and sooner or later I'm going to use. I haven't used herb in 5 plus weeks but feel close to using it. Its such a nice day warm,sunny and I'm craving it bad. Its all i can think of. 

David

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Sorry that you are craving so badly is there anything that you can do to take your mind off of it? Go for a walk, clean the house (clean my house??) or watch a movie? The fact that you have made 5 weeks is great and you said it yourself even if you get a temporary high that is all it is and you will feel worse after, ask yourself is it worth it? 

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Please, keep yourself busy. Whether that be you going out and doing things or keeping your thoughts at bay with other activities or hobbies at home. Don't give in to them- they are like sirens; you fantasize about it and you want it, but all its going to do is bring you harm and pull you back into habit.

If it helps, put yourself in the future. If you gave in, think about how much you'll regret it afterwards. Think about how you'll feel if you fell for your cravings in the end- will it do you more harm or more good?

Hang in there!

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Okay i didn't use and i am happy i didn't. I realise why i want use because of anxiety although using those substances would have made my anxity much worse afterwords it would enable me to feel good now if i just smoke enough herb and drink enough beer in just the right combo. The thing is i never started thinking i would stop using but what happened is i started experiencing palpation and feeling bad so i quit. I have since quite several times i keep coming back doing the same thing but expecting the results to be different.   

I know that the solution is to get better and make friends so i can live not just exist.  

I now have a new therapist and see her next week.

Also i need to take baby steps and try to make small goals and hold my self accountable.  The key is that they achievable given my current condition.  

David

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