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I'm so ugly and strangling


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Summer is coming yes, some are concerned about entering the summer with a tonal preparation, some with body, being fit, holiday plans, beautiful dreams with beloved. I'm too ugly to do any of this. And I stand by myself with the hope that this lacklessness has its counterpart in the apocalypse. I'm ugly, and it's not my choice. I wish I wasn't. If I wasn't, I'd be more social, more self-confident, more active, and more. I carry an endless energy in me, but I have to suppress all of my emotions, including my energy, because I'm ugly. The only thing I do is work and come home and consume my life. Just touring at night and run away from people. Of course I'm not going to commit suicide because I'm ugly, I didn't think but let it be. If you're ugly, most things like people's thoughts about you, friends are anxious, the value given to you, the stance in the community, and most of them disappear. Why, because I'm insignificant. You're setting up your whole life to live on your own. The world no longer revolves around you, why? Because I'm homeless. You can't get a lover, you like platonic love, but you're all in it, you can't turn on anyone. Why, why? Because I'm homeless. For the summer, I don't have a plan, just come home from work and watch the people do on social media, dream and finish all the writing. For the winter? It's the same again. I don't know where my life is going. I'm waiting for an early death. It's not self-esteem or anything, actually. Fully typeless formation. I didn't think I was this kind of kind before, but as time went by, I realized more. He's I mean, I don't know. The state that helped the Syrians, I wish I had a hope for people like me in our country. I want a lot of things, but It never happens. You can't do it if you're ugly. You can't stay now.
I can dance dumb and sing a song. But because I'm ugly, I'm hiding everything or doing it alone. No type, no self-confidence, no media, no close friends or family. Life is very strange. I'm laughing and crying. But the benefit? Nothing.

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@desperateloser I hear ya bro. I'm in a similar state of non-existence. I'm a nobody who is almost universally ignored...unless something goes wrong, then I'm immediately a suspect it seems.

On edit: I'm also old, so I even have less value than a younger person would have. I'm a lost cause.

Edited by JD4010
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All through school I felt I was ugly. I felt like an actual freak. I also felt that I wasn’t funny or interesting in anyway. So as a result, I kept to myself. Hardly anyone in the school knew who I was, and of course that just made my self-esteem plummet even more. 

I don’t know what’s changed now but I guess I just don’t care what people think of me anymore. In a way, I feel I’ve lost everything so life basically couldn’t get any worse. 

Now that I’m taking more risks I’ve been able to connect with people more (ngl I still have no friends) but for once I feel I have something decent to say, if someone doesn’t like it then fine. But I’ve spent too many years being invisible.

Trust me when I say personality wins over looks any day.

The problem is you’re letting the way you look stop you from being social. And that then leaves you feeling as though you have nothing to offer. I’ve been there, it’s hard to get out.

Edited by Soarsie18
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5 minutes ago, Soarsie18 said:

The problem is you’re letting the way you look stop you from being social. And that then leaves you feeling as though you have nothing to offer. I’ve been there, it’s hard to get out.

True enough. I feel invisible in social settings. I'll say something that I perceive as "clever" and the result will inevitably be a long silence. Then someone will pipe up and say, "well anyway, blah blah blah", as if I'd never said anything in the first place.

Edited by JD4010
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Don’t get me wrong, I’m still very much like that. Nothings changed, I’m still the same weirdo. But I guess now I’m happier being the weirdo. And some people will like the fact that you’re a weirdo. 

I haven’t found my people yet. Can only hope that that could happen one day. But I’m fed up of striving to be like others and never hitting the mark.

@JD4010

If it makes you feel better, you haven’t once wrote anything on the forum that’s made me think you’re a weirdo. Can’t say the same for myself 🤔😊

Edited by Soarsie18
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1 minute ago, Soarsie18 said:

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still very much like that. Nothings changed, I’m still the same weirdo. But I guess now I’m happier being the weirdo. And some people will like the fact that you’re a weirdo. 

I haven’t found my people yet. Can only hope that that could happen one day. But I’m fed up of striving to be like others and never hitting the mark.

 

Yes. I think that's a healthy way to look at it. I'm OK being the weirdo too. However, it causes me to isolate and "people" say that's not a good thing. For me, it's a great thing. I generally don't want to be around people who are striving to be "normal". And that seems to be the vast majority.

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19 minutes ago, Soarsie18 said:

 

Trust me when I say personality wins over looks any day.

I don't believe it. People have ruled out people who were not like themselves throughout history. Please don't tell me about personality. If I can't look into a woman's eyes and laugh with a great teeth, what is the purpose of personality? I should never have been born. Everything about myself is ridiculous. It's like a simulation based on losing in the world life.

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1 minute ago, desperateloser said:

I don't believe it. People have ruled out people who were not like themselves throughout history. Please don't tell me about personality. If I can't look into a woman's eyes and laugh with a great teeth, what is the purpose of personality? I should never have been born. Everything about myself is ridiculous. It's like a simulation based on losing in the world life.

Well I do. No mater how good looking someone is, I could never be with them if I thought their personality was ugly. And in the same way no matter how ugly someone is, if I click with them, then I'll want to get to know them.

Some people might be shallow enough to not give you a chance, but do you want to attract those kind of people anyway. 

 

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