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PTSD - Processing Trauma


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You may have heard of love languages - different ways people experience and give love. I forget all the types, but I work out to be in the "touch" and "quality time" categories.

So, touch is an issue, given that my trauma included physical violence. I have to work through fear to reacquaint myself with feeling love. I'm a hugger. I respect those who aren't, but I'm definitely a hugger. I'd do the cheek-kissing thing if I could get away with it. I don't, though.

I've had two hugs since I escaped my ex that bothered me. Both from females, interestingly enough. The others haven't bothered me at all and have included two men, both older family friends. And one ten year-old boy. I'm okay with this. It's the stuff that would come after in a romantic relationship that needs work. I've been daydreaming as a way to escape intrusive memories. I've decided to try to use it to acclimate myself to touch again, and I'll end with a massage. I've never had one, so I think this will be a good measure of how I'm doing with that. I think there's a massage school around here that probably gives them for free sometimes so the students can practice.

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You may have heard of love languages - different ways people experience and give love. I forget all the types, but I work out to be in the "touch" and "quality time" categories.

So, touch is an issue, given that my trauma included physical violence. I have to work through fear to reacquaint myself with feeling love. I'm a hugger. I respect those who aren't, but I'm definitely a hugger. I'd do the cheek-kissing thing if I could get away with it. I don't, though.

I've had two hugs since I escaped my ex that bothered me. Both from females, interestingly enough. The others haven't bothered me at all and have included two men, both older family friends. And one ten year-old boy. I'm okay with this. It's the stuff that would come after in a romantic relationship that needs work. I've been daydreaming as a way to escape intrusive memories. I've decided to try to use it to acclimate myself to touch again, and I'll end with a massage. I've never had one, so I think this will be a good measure of how I'm doing with that. I think there's a massage school around here that probably gives them for free sometimes so the students can practice.

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When I was really bad I couldn't be touched by anything or anyone not even pets.  Now when people hug me or say they love me I think they're trying to trick me in some way or they are lying when they say it.  I don't trust anyone and have no reason to ever again.  I'm very lonely but alone is how it will probably always be.  I don't see any other way.

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