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23 hours ago, gandolfication said:

I needed to read/hear this just now.

I'm spiraling and just bearly hanging on.

 

When I have a better period of time (i.e. much of the past year where I've largely persevered and overcome anxiety, and bipolar II hasn't really flared up badly), I always mistakenly think maybe I've turned a corner.

The crushing reality that not only is life already hard enough, but I also have this, that it's a disease, and that it isn't going to go away just shatters this, and I feel I do not want to face life or to be awake anymore again.

I'm trying to get through but I don't really want to get through. I want the pain to end.

Gandolf,

It's just brutal right now.  For people like us, if you don't mind me including you, me, and the people on here--the covid ripped that thin rug underneath us.  it was already ripped and shredded.  For me who can't stand going outside, not being a fan of people--but getting out even to go buy a book would give me just enough to get through a week or two.  Then covid hit.  Add in my fear of germs, oh my gosh I'm triggered just writing this.  And my mom passed away in the middle of 2019.  Months before covid hit.  I could go on and on.  Horrible fam.  No friends, so on here--like reading your words, it gave me a boost.  YOU gave me a boost.  I felt so touched and moved by your words.  You have a compassion heart.  And for those like us, we endure a heavier burden in this world.

I've been a fan of yours on here.  

I'm so sorry you're suffering and struggling.  Gandolf we do turn those corners, but sometimes when we turn them, it's another corner waiting for us.  I wish I could understand this.  I hope you've heard this before on here, but please hang in there.  I'm admitting to being selfish asking this (I'm sorry).  But I ask anyway.  ?  :hugs:

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24 minutes ago, HeatherG said:

Gandolf,

It's just brutal right now.  For people like us, if you don't mind me including you, me, and the people on here--the covid ripped that thin rug underneath us.  it was already ripped and shredded.  For me who can't stand going outside, not being a fan of people--but getting out even to go buy a book would give me just enough to get through a week or two.  Then covid hit.  Add in my fear of germs, oh my gosh I'm triggered just writing this.  And my mom passed away in the middle of 2019.  Months before covid hit.  I could go on and on.  Horrible fam.  No friends, so on here--like reading your words, it gave me a boost.  YOU gave me a boost.  I felt so touched and moved by your words.  You have a compassion heart.  And for those like us, we endure a heavier burden in this world.

I've been a fan of yours on here.  

I'm so sorry you're suffering and struggling.  Gandolf we do turn those corners, but sometimes when we turn them, it's another corner waiting for us.  I wish I could understand this.  I hope you've heard this before on here, but please hang in there.  I'm admitting to being selfish asking this (I'm sorry).  But I ask anyway.  ?  :hugs:

HeatherG,

Thank you.  I'm sure there are no words for the loss of your mother, but nevertheless, I'm very sorry for your loss.  It sounds like you have a difficult time generally, and that this pandemic year, etc. has wrought a parade of horrors on top of it.  I empathize with you.

It has been a strange year for me.  The pandemic had its stress and change for our family, but really mainly, for me (and I hear you saying some of this too), it was other things for me.  It was the deep, raw constant stress of the pain of dysfunctional family relationships I can't seem to fix or improve.  It was job stress.  And though I ended up accomplishing much that I feel (or felt) good and proud of...and thought I was building some security beyond the normal cycle of relapse or crash, now it feels like the bottom is falling out again.

I like your language about turning corners, but other corners waiting for us.  That metaphor makes sense to me.  I am struggling moment by moment right now and this has been building in recent months and weeks.  I'm consumed by the intensity of all the negative emotions (guilt, shame, fear, anger, disgust, self-hatred), and the negative thoughts that come with them.  I feel and can see my brain and body nearly shutting down, just being overwhelmed.  I know I am hardly alone in this here.  I just can't believe its happening again, and of course don't know what impact it will have.  I'm striving to keep it from causing catastrophe again for myself and my family.  And the most insidious lie of depression is back - that this will never change or get better again.  Though it is not a fact, it seems so true.

Anyhow, I so appreciate your kind words, and it gives me some encouragement and even joy in the midst of madness to hear that something I've done or said, might have been able to help you or others here.  Likewise, please keep carrying on.  I need you, we need you.  

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What's the difference between "grandiosity" as a non-adaptive symptom of bipolar disorder, and a big dream or stretch goal?

 

Grandiosity isn't a hallucination which is hearing or seeing something that isn't actually there.

 

It can't be exactly the same as a delusion which is believing something that's not true.

 

So what is the difference between grandiosity and having dreams?

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On 8/2/2021 at 6:41 PM, gandolfication said:

What's the difference between "grandiosity" as a non-adaptive symptom of bipolar disorder, and a big dream or stretch goal?

 

Grandiosity isn't a hallucination which is hearing or seeing something that isn't actually there.

 

It can't be exactly the same as a delusion which is believing something that's not true.

 

So what is the difference between grandiosity and having dreams?

Fantastic questions. Now that you mention it, I'm not sure I can find the fine line between them. I am currently nursing a dream but my doubts quickly step in and douse the flame. When that happens, I want to run towards that locomotive that's speeding along in the opposite direction.

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13 hours ago, sober4life said:

I fully believe I'm still here because of my grandiose delusions.  If anyone looked at my situation with a stable mind they would be done.

That seems to be true in my case as well. I thought I was "somebody" at one time, but I know now that was a delusion of grand proportions. I've been a poseur all my life.

 

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11 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

That seems to be true in my case as well. I thought I was "somebody" at one time, but I know now that was a delusion of grand proportions. I've been a poseur all my life.

 

Politely, I have known you both now for some time, and I would have to disagree with both of those negative statements about yourselves.

 

I think you people who are suffering with the ravages of the excoriating negative thoughts that come from the depressed mind and are in no way your fault nor did you ask for them.

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13 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I thought I was "somebody" at one time, but I know now that was a delusion of grand proportions. I've been a poseur all my life.

 

I am Sam Houston. Vote for me as us senator of Texas and Alaska.

That is the somebody I become when manic. I got home video bbqing joking that I’m ready to throw down with Bobby Flay on tv. Although I am not joking I’m calling him out.
That is my grandiose.

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3 hours ago, Bbqdad said:

I am Sam Houston. Vote for me as us senator of Texas and Alaska.

That is the somebody I become when manic. I got home video bbqing joking that I’m ready to throw down with Bobby Flay on tv. Although I am not joking I’m calling him out.
That is my grandiose.

@bbqdad,

Sam Houston - as in the 1st and 3rd President of the Republic of Texas, senator, and American General?  (We need a biopic about him it sounds like.  I'm picturing Yosemite Sam but in real life).

It sounds like you've had quite an experience with mania.  I have only ever had its milder cousin hypomania (at least I believe this is so and the MH professionals generally have agreed from what they know).  Even that is so many fascinating things at once - invigorating.  I've described as a thousand kilotons of technicolor nitroglycerine coursing through my veins...and I've used it both to good productive effect (even if it involved loss of sleep), and also to some very misguided and/or self-indulgent artistic and distractive extravagances.

In the aftermath, for me, even if it was "mild" by comparison to those who experience true full-blown mania, it has always been enormously humiliating for me inasmuch as I realize something like, oh sh*t, that last period of time, however long it was* I was not really fully in touch with base reality, and did or said some things that probably I ought to be and am embarrassed about, and I'm not even 100% sure what all they were, and in some cases, suffered real fallout, like loss of jobs, relationships, etc.

Still, I'm I've raised the issue, and at some point am going to drill down with my therapist to try to have better understanding of how to try to recognize and distinguish a legitimate/valid (? are those the right words) dream or goal from "grandiosity" as a non-adaptive manifestation (and cause?) of hypomania.  

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My dream some day, not incidentally, is eventually to create a consulting (and maybe legal) firm called something like Special Counsel & Wellness.  If anyone reads this, I'll be appreciative.

The firm would:

a) serve (presumably elite) clients with PR and messaging, legal / crisis management, maybe marketing and branding, etc. (I am a complex litigation attorney);

b) intentionally and publicly recruit individuals with mental health "conditions" (i.e. illnesses), especially bi-polar conditions because, we think differently about the world, make different associations, and can skip steps and communicate, interact with and move through world differently than others (kind of a play on Apple's old slogan "think different");

c) have an in-house specialist who is a combined psychotherapist & performance coach (and maybe psychiatrist too, one can dream), so that employees can go to this ombudsman in confidence and the specialist can help them simultaneously with both job/career coaching, strategies stress, etc..  This is based in part on a character, Dr. Wendy Rhoades, in the show billions who has exactly that job for an elite hedge fund in NYC.  Her character is based a real such person in new York (who sued the show for copyright infringement as they overused her biography/self-help book).  Earlier last year, I was pursuing ways to get my law practice more into mental health law, and I flew back to DC to interview with "the law firm of the future" - that's really the only way to put it.  I both practiced at and worked as a legal sales consultant to some of the world's most sophisticated and largest law firms.  But this firm was (is) remarkable in the way they are just doing so many things differently and using technology and different philosophical assumptions to do it.  They'd started "incubated" really a domestic relations and criminal defense firm which they said they were trying to franchise into a unique firm handling mental health and civil commitment cases.  They wanted to hire me to run such a franchise in Ohio.  I couldn't make it work for various reasons, and anyway, they can apparently make money representing families of those needing civil commitments in America's richest county on the east coast, whereas that is not a possibility in midwestern Ohio.

d) this removes the gap so many people have when trying to get cohesive, integrative help efficiently and simultaneously from one source for: 11) their greatest source of stress/anxiety and even depression - their jobs (from 12 years here, and meeting numerous people in support groups and other real life, job stress is easily the # 1 stressor of depressed and anxious people in my view, and in any case the one I want to cater to, and have some skills as a long-time employee and recruiter/HR consultant); while also 2) doing professional psychotherapy.

e) the value proposition and the "ask" to clients is a modern one in that it asks of them not only to trust us with a bit of a high risk / high reward proposition (take a risk on mentally ill creative schizoid personalities in exchange for getting extraordinary results and solving problems creatively in a way you never thought you could), but also it will explicitly ask them to partner with the company in helping subsidize this in-house support program and in that way do good while getting good.  The client gets to (and is expected to) tout its good work in helping support such a progressive and important cause.  The employees of course benefit from the job support while self actualizing, while helping the company and clients.  And the client had better get extraordinary results.  It's a "virtuous cycle," which has a compelling sales hook all its own I think, and is real, and is much needed.

While I was in DC, I surveyed, applied, and interviewed with a number of entities of a fairly recently new type - for-profit altruistic firms, (sometimes stupidly called "for profit non-profits" which of course is not a real thing).  They can be every bit or more as cut-throat capitalist as the regular for-profit corporation (which legally speaking is psychopathic - there's a whole documentary no this that I think is compelling, but another story).  Anyway, it made me aware that this new model (really mainly a marketing contrivance I think) does cater to society's new enormously strong desire that the companies, services, and products they use not only be good, but make them feel good about themselves.  This is everywhere.  But its not anywhere in mental health in this way.  Plus, its' born of existential personal frustration that even the best therapists generally can't/won't/shouldn't, and really are not capable of being a true job/career coach; and certainly the best career coaches are legally precluded from doing true therapy.  And so in my judgement and experience, these two never really meet or overlap adequately, and this represents an unmet need.

And I am aware that most likely I am almost by definition not in the best position to apply objectivity and cold analysis regarding whether and how realistic this is, or if it is mostly just emotional and grandiose?  

Zig Ziglar used to talk about how "the little world laughed when Robert Fulton said he could build a steam engine, but it cheered when he sailed down the Hudson"...and then he goes through a short litany of just a few of these examples.  People very frequently laugh and write off new ideas they can't relate to, until they come into reality.  Think of Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk (I don't want to be like either one of them) - but both were laughed out of numerous boardrooms and investor meetings.  They're getting the last laugh now.

Is the only way to really know whether its' fantasy or worth pursuing, to pursue it and try for it?  

I don't know.

I do know it is on a very short list of "callings" I've had about which I can comfortably say: I'd be okay with myself even if I tried that thing and failed and it cost me dearly. 

For me, something like this is the proverbial game of pitch-and-toss in which I could make one heap of all my winnings and risk it all on one turn, and lose and start again at my beginnings and never breath a word about my loss.  -- IF, Rudyard Kipling  (Or I'd bitch about it for a while, but could learn, and move forward anyway).

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1 hour ago, gandolfication said:

@bbqdad,

Sam Houston - as in the 1st and 3rd President of the Republic of Texas, senator, and American General?  (We need a biopic about him it sounds like.  I'm picturing Yosemite Sam but in real life).

It sounds like you've had quite an experience with mania.  I have only ever had its milder cousin hypomania (at least I believe this is so and the MH professionals generally have agreed from what they know).  Even that is so many fascinating things at once - invigorating.  I've described as a thousand kilotons of technicolor nitroglycerine coursing through my veins...and I've used it both to good productive effect (even if it involved loss of sleep), and also to some very misguided and/or self-indulgent artistic and distractive extravagances.

 

General Sam Houston was my hero as a child. The president of the republic of Texas.

bipolar 2 has highs and lows but not the extremes and no psychosis. You might read about that.

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Just now, Bbqdad said:

General Sam Houston was my hero as a child. The president of the republic of Texas.

bipolar 2 has highs and lows but not the extremes and no psychosis. You might read about that.

Right.  I'm generally aware.

I am fortunate, even though one's experience and suffering is really all any of us knows.

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1 hour ago, gandolfication said:

My dream some day, not incidentally, is eventually to create a consulting (and maybe legal) firm called something like Special Counsel & Wellness.  If anyone reads this, I'll be appreciative.

The firm would:

a) serve (presumably elite) clients with PR and messaging, legal / crisis management, maybe marketing and branding, etc. (I am a complex litigation attorney);

b) intentionally and publicly recruit individuals with mental health "conditions" (i.e. illnesses), especially bi-polar conditions because, we think differently about the world, make different associations, and can skip steps and communicate, interact with and move through world differently than others (kind of a play on Apple's old slogan "think different");

c) have an in-house specialist who is a combined psychotherapist & performance coach (and maybe psychiatrist too, one can dream), so that employees can go to this ombudsman in confidence and the specialist can help them simultaneously with both job/career coaching, strategies stress, etc..  This is based in part on a character, Dr. Wendy Rhoades, in the show billions who has exactly that job for an elite hedge fund in NYC.  Her character is based a real such person in new York (who sued the show for copyright infringement as they overused her biography/self-help book).  Earlier last year, I was pursuing ways to get my law practice more into mental health law, and I flew back to DC to interview with "the law firm of the future" - that's really the only way to put it.  I both practiced at and worked as a legal sales consultant to some of the world's most sophisticated and largest law firms.  But this firm was (is) remarkable in the way they are just doing so many things differently and using technology and different philosophical assumptions to do it.  They'd started "incubated" really a domestic relations and criminal defense firm which they said they were trying to franchise into a unique firm handling mental health and civil commitment cases.  They wanted to hire me to run such a franchise in Ohio.  I couldn't make it work for various reasons, and anyway, they can apparently make money representing families of those needing civil commitments in America's richest county on the east coast, whereas that is not a possibility in midwestern Ohio.

d) this removes the gap so many people have when trying to get cohesive, integrative help efficiently and simultaneously from one source for: 11) their greatest source of stress/anxiety and even depression - their jobs (from 12 years here, and meeting numerous people in support groups and other real life, job stress is easily the # 1 stressor of depressed and anxious people in my view, and in any case the one I want to cater to, and have some skills as a long-time employee and recruiter/HR consultant); while also 2) doing professional psychotherapy.

e) the value proposition and the "ask" to clients is a modern one in that it asks of them not only to trust us with a bit of a high risk / high reward proposition (take a risk on mentally ill creative schizoid personalities in exchange for getting extraordinary results and solving problems creatively in a way you never thought you could), but also it will explicitly ask them to partner with the company in helping subsidize this in-house support program and in that way do good while getting good.  The client gets to (and is expected to) tout its good work in helping support such a progressive and important cause.  The employees of course benefit from the job support while self actualizing, while helping the company and clients.  And the client had better get extraordinary results.  It's a "virtuous cycle," which has a compelling sales hook all its own I think, and is real, and is much needed.

While I was in DC, I surveyed, applied, and interviewed with a number of entities of a fairly recently new type - for-profit altruistic firms, (sometimes stupidly called "for profit non-profits" which of course is not a real thing).  They can be every bit or more as cut-throat capitalist as the regular for-profit corporation (which legally speaking is psychopathic - there's a whole documentary no this that I think is compelling, but another story).  Anyway, it made me aware that this new model (really mainly a marketing contrivance I think) does cater to society's new enormously strong desire that the companies, services, and products they use not only be good, but make them feel good about themselves.  This is everywhere.  But its not anywhere in mental health in this way.  Plus, its' born of existential personal frustration that even the best therapists generally can't/won't/shouldn't, and really are not capable of being a true job/career coach; and certainly the best career coaches are legally precluded from doing true therapy.  And so in my judgement and experience, these two never really meet or overlap adequately, and this represents an unmet need.

And I am aware that most likely I am almost by definition not in the best position to apply objectivity and cold analysis regarding whether and how realistic this is, or if it is mostly just emotional and grandiose?  

Zig Ziglar used to talk about how "the little world laughed when Robert Fulton said he could build a steam engine, but it cheered when he sailed down the Hudson"...and then he goes through a short litany of just a few of these examples.  People very frequently laugh and write off new ideas they can't relate to, until they come into reality.  Think of Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk (I don't want to be like either one of them) - but both were laughed out of numerous boardrooms and investor meetings.  They're getting the last laugh now.

Is the only way to really know whether its' fantasy or worth pursuing, to pursue it and try for it?  

I don't know.

I do know it is on a very short list of "callings" I've had about which I can comfortably say: I'd be okay with myself even if I tried that thing and failed and it cost me dearly. 

For me, something like this is the proverbial game of pitch-and-toss in which I could make one heap of all my winnings and risk it all on one turn, and lose and start again at my beginnings and never breath a word about my loss.  -- IF, Rudyard Kipling  (Or I'd bitch about it for a while, but could learn, and move forward anyway).

It sounds like you have the legal skills, passion, and opportunity to pursue this dream.

im interested in knowing what skills are you looking for individuals to have that are bipolar?

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17 hours ago, Bbqdad said:

It sounds like you have the legal skills, passion, and opportunity to pursue this dream.

im interested in knowing what skills are you looking for individuals to have that are bipolar?

I'm brief:

Hard work

creativity

exuberance 

Association of disparate ideas and things 

Writing and speaking ability 

Pubic relations / branding / marketing skills 

Digital and legacy media savvy

Crisis management (probably some legal, though I have this and it's easy to recruit)

Interpersonal effectiveness (even sales skills), customer relationship management

Attention to detail (hyperfocus)

And other functions 

This has to be refined and added to, and likely we'd need some (not bipolar, etc.) "normal" employees for balance

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I'm dealing with serious burnout right now.

The last 5 months all I've done is worked constantly and long hours 6 or 7 days a week at the new court position while I'm trying to close my law practice.

I managed to find and start with a new therapist who is a former law professor of mine turned LCSW.  Fortunately she's good and is helpful.  

But depression, bad anxiety, and now compounding avoidance and procrastination have returned with their usual vengeance.

Therapist (correctly) says the only real solution to burnout is rest and relaxation.

I'm not going to get a lot of that anytime soon.

I guess I just need to keep things as simple as they can be, work hard to be mindful and incorporate brakes and relaxation practices as frequently as possible, and keep doing the next right thing.

Otherwise I'm way past ready to give up again.

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On 8/7/2021 at 8:37 AM, gandolfication said:

I'm brief:

Hard work

creativity

exuberance 

Association of disparate ideas and things 

Writing and speaking ability 

Pubic relations / branding / marketing skills 

Digital and legacy media savvy

Crisis management (probably some legal, though I have this and it's easy to recruit)

Interpersonal effectiveness (even sales skills), customer relationship management

Attention to detail (hyperfocus)

And other functions 

This has to be refined and added to, and likely we'd need some (not bipolar, etc.) "normal" employees for balance

 

You would probably need a terlit cleaner and garbage dumper. Sign me up for both. I'll work cheap too.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 8/6/2021 at 11:36 AM, gandolfication said:

My dream some day, not incidentally, is eventually to create a consulting (and maybe legal) firm called something like Special Counsel & Wellness.  If anyone reads this, I'll be appreciative.

The firm would:

a) serve (presumably elite) clients with PR and messaging, legal / crisis management, maybe marketing and branding, etc. (I am a complex litigation attorney);

b) intentionally and publicly recruit individuals with mental health "conditions" (i.e. illnesses), especially bi-polar conditions because, we think differently about the world, make different associations, and can skip steps and communicate, interact with and move through world differently than others (kind of a play on Apple's old slogan "think different");

c) have an in-house specialist who is a combined psychotherapist & performance coach (and maybe psychiatrist too, one can dream), so that employees can go to this ombudsman in confidence and the specialist can help them simultaneously with both job/career coaching, strategies stress, etc..  This is based in part on a character, Dr. Wendy Rhoades, in the show billions who has exactly that job for an elite hedge fund in NYC.  Her character is based a real such person in new York (who sued the show for copyright infringement as they overused her biography/self-help book).  Earlier last year, I was pursuing ways to get my law practice more into mental health law, and I flew back to DC to interview with "the law firm of the future" - that's really the only way to put it.  I both practiced at and worked as a legal sales consultant to some of the world's most sophisticated and largest law firms.  But this firm was (is) remarkable in the way they are just doing so many things differently and using technology and different philosophical assumptions to do it.  They'd started "incubated" really a domestic relations and criminal defense firm which they said they were trying to franchise into a unique firm handling mental health and civil commitment cases.  They wanted to hire me to run such a franchise in Ohio.  I couldn't make it work for various reasons, and anyway, they can apparently make money representing families of those needing civil commitments in America's richest county on the east coast, whereas that is not a possibility in midwestern Ohio.

d) this removes the gap so many people have when trying to get cohesive, integrative help efficiently and simultaneously from one source for: 11) their greatest source of stress/anxiety and even depression - their jobs (from 12 years here, and meeting numerous people in support groups and other real life, job stress is easily the # 1 stressor of depressed and anxious people in my view, and in any case the one I want to cater to, and have some skills as a long-time employee and recruiter/HR consultant); while also 2) doing professional psychotherapy.

e) the value proposition and the "ask" to clients is a modern one in that it asks of them not only to trust us with a bit of a high risk / high reward proposition (take a risk on mentally ill creative schizoid personalities in exchange for getting extraordinary results and solving problems creatively in a way you never thought you could), but also it will explicitly ask them to partner with the company in helping subsidize this in-house support program and in that way do good while getting good.  The client gets to (and is expected to) tout its good work in helping support such a progressive and important cause.  The employees of course benefit from the job support while self actualizing, while helping the company and clients.  And the client had better get extraordinary results.  It's a "virtuous cycle," which has a compelling sales hook all its own I think, and is real, and is much needed.

While I was in DC, I surveyed, applied, and interviewed with a number of entities of a fairly recently new type - for-profit altruistic firms, (sometimes stupidly called "for profit non-profits" which of course is not a real thing).  They can be every bit or more as cut-throat capitalist as the regular for-profit corporation (which legally speaking is psychopathic - there's a whole documentary no this that I think is compelling, but another story).  Anyway, it made me aware that this new model (really mainly a marketing contrivance I think) does cater to society's new enormously strong desire that the companies, services, and products they use not only be good, but make them feel good about themselves.  This is everywhere.  But its not anywhere in mental health in this way.  Plus, its' born of existential personal frustration that even the best therapists generally can't/won't/shouldn't, and really are not capable of being a true job/career coach; and certainly the best career coaches are legally precluded from doing true therapy.  And so in my judgement and experience, these two never really meet or overlap adequately, and this represents an unmet need.

And I am aware that most likely I am almost by definition not in the best position to apply objectivity and cold analysis regarding whether and how realistic this is, or if it is mostly just emotional and grandiose?  

Zig Ziglar used to talk about how "the little world laughed when Robert Fulton said he could build a steam engine, but it cheered when he sailed down the Hudson"...and then he goes through a short litany of just a few of these examples.  People very frequently laugh and write off new ideas they can't relate to, until they come into reality.  Think of Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk (I don't want to be like either one of them) - but both were laughed out of numerous boardrooms and investor meetings.  They're getting the last laugh now.

Is the only way to really know whether its' fantasy or worth pursuing, to pursue it and try for it?  

I don't know.

I do know it is on a very short list of "callings" I've had about which I can comfortably say: I'd be okay with myself even if I tried that thing and failed and it cost me dearly. 

For me, something like this is the proverbial game of pitch-and-toss in which I could make one heap of all my winnings and risk it all on one turn, and lose and start again at my beginnings and never breath a word about my loss.  -- IF, Rudyard Kipling  (Or I'd bitch about it for a while, but could learn, and move forward anyway).

I really liked your poem and also your ideas.

I think the only problem is representing elite clients with people who have public mental health issues and this is for a few reasons.

1.) There is a lot of competition among the elite already as it is

2.) Elite are already above the law and only care about results when push comes to shove (where it comes to a head in law) anything else is a facade.

3.) Public mental health issues can be used against opponents in a viscious lawsuit.

A good example is the Chinese president. There have been Winnie the Pooh memes  because they have some resemble. China cracked down hard on this because even if it is cute they would see the leader as quirky and would lose respect for him when things get heated. In America we typically satirize our leaders all the time but it comes with the downside that they also lose respect a lot quicker and makes the job more difficult. You can see U.S presidents age greatly after the 4 years.

Having litigation personnel with public mental health issues leaves an opening for a weakness to be exploited in a highly contested case. This is why most professionals keep mental health issues confidential.

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6 hours ago, gandolfication said:

You think you're used to it, and know how to respond to it but then the crash comes and you just want to die again, and it's like you've never been here before.

As we change our response changes.  That's the scary thing.  Our brain seems so delicate.  Just the slightest change to anything and we can seem like a totally different person.  I can say I've been here before and can get through things but who knows who I will be when the nightmare shows up again.  It seems different each time because I seem to face it each time as a different version of myself.  It's all very scary stuff.  When you're deep in the hole you feel like you can't save yourself any easier than if you have a sugar crash as a diabetic and your blood sugar is 25.  It feels like only a miracle or fate will save us.

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1 hour ago, Evergreenforst4 said:

I really liked your poem and also your ideas.

I think the only problem is representing elite clients with people who have public mental health issues and this is for a few reasons.

1.) There is a lot of competition among the elite already as it is

2.) Elite are already above the law and only care about results when push comes to shove (where it comes to a head in law) anything else is a facade.

3.) Public mental health issues can be used against opponents in a viscious lawsuit.

A good example is the Chinese president. There have been Winnie the Pooh memes  because they have some resemble. China cracked down hard on this because even if it is cute they would see the leader as quirky and would lose respect for him when things get heated. In America we typically satirize our leaders all the time but it comes with the downside that they also lose respect a lot quicker and makes the job more difficult. You can see U.S presidents age greatly after the 4 years.

Having litigation personnel with public mental health issues leaves an opening for a weakness to be exploited in a highly contested case. This is why most professionals keep mental health issues confidential.

Thanks.

 

Yah, maybe it's the wrong market.

I will say that your points about elite people and companies only caring about results is true, something I ought to know from spending about half my career serving them.

II'm planning to do more communications work than litigation going forward, but the principle probably still applies about the same.

 

What I am confident about and committed to is the belief that people and employees need a single performance coach and therapist resource for their job stress.

Job stress and problems make up about 75% of what people talk to therapists about, but there's still a big disconnect because frankly a therapist really can only help with general applications to what are very specific job problems.

I think that if we have such a resource it would help so much that we would look back and wonder how we ever got on without it before.

IIn my experience, and I think the data will back this up, wellness programs and EAP programs have helped very little with real.job stress let alone employees' behavioral illness - even in the rate cases when an employee is willing to take the risk to use them.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 9/6/2021 at 7:21 PM, gandolfication said:

In my experience, and I think the data will back this up, wellness programs and EAP programs have helped very little with real.job stress let alone employees' behavioral illness - even in the rate cases when an employee is willing to take the risk to use them.

I'll second that. I went to EAP many times while I was in the midst of the slow motion train wreck. While it was nice to "talk with someone," nothing really got resolved. I was reluctant at first to even utilize EAP but in the end, it was a positive (if fruitless) experience.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 9/6/2021 at 7:27 PM, sober4life said:

As we change our response changes.  That's the scary thing.  Our brain seems so delicate.  Just the slightest change to anything and we can seem like a totally different person.  I can say I've been here before and can get through things but who knows who I will be when the nightmare shows up again.  It seems different each time because I seem to face it each time as a different version of myself.  It's all very scary stuff.  When you're deep in the hole you feel like you can't save yourself any easier than if you have a sugar crash as a diabetic and your blood sugar is 25.  It feels like only a miracle or fate will save us.

or shr ooms, as I'm going to explore.  

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On 9/6/2021 at 6:29 PM, Evergreenforst4 said:

I really liked your poem and also your ideas.

I think the only problem is representing elite clients with people who have public mental health issues and this is for a few reasons.

1.) There is a lot of competition among the elite already as it is

2.) Elite are already above the law and only care about results when push comes to shove (where it comes to a head in law) anything else is a facade.

3.) Public mental health issues can be used against opponents in a viscious lawsuit.

A good example is the Chinese president. There have been Winnie the Pooh memes  because they have some resemble. China cracked down hard on this because even if it is cute they would see the leader as quirky and would lose respect for him when things get heated. In America we typically satirize our leaders all the time but it comes with the downside that they also lose respect a lot quicker and makes the job more difficult. You can see U.S presidents age greatly after the 4 years.

Having litigation personnel with public mental health issues leaves an opening for a weakness to be exploited in a highly contested case. This is why most professionals keep mental health issues confidential.

Thanks for the feedback here.
I've been doing a lot of work on my mental health with some good professionals the past few months.
Among other experiences, I became essentially a jr. judge handling a mental illness docket.  From that, and from re-reading the DSM criteria for bipolar disorder, I think I've given up on this particular idea.

As much as I want to, I just don't think that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages even of well-treated and channeled bipolar II even in its mildest form.  This seems especially in the context of the modern work world.  It is true that a lot of very talented, high-performing people have the condition and always have, e.g. Kay Jamison's book Touched with Fire is all about the world-renown artists, musicians, writers, poets, etc. who we know had manic depressive illness, and in some ways it at least influenced if not fueled their artistic temperament.  But she is careful not to say that it was by itself the driving force, or that it amounted to a net advantage for almost any of them.  Some were able to harness their periods of mania/hypomania and produce fine works that of art.  Others produced disorganized chaos.  For almost all of them, in various ways or others, the condition caused their lives to fall apart, and most of them many times.  As it has for me.  

I am very fortunate to live in a time where we better understand this, and I have been lucky enough to benefit from a wide variety of treatment, including a good bit of leading edge or exotic forms of treatment, which I have aggressively pursued.  That, and a loving family and friends, are what have kept me alive, and resilient even if not what one could consider "stable." 

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On 9/16/2021 at 5:29 PM, JD4010 said:

I'll second that. I went to EAP many times while I was in the midst of the slow motion train wreck. While it was nice to "talk with someone," nothing really got resolved. I was reluctant at first to even utilize EAP but in the end, it was a positive (if fruitless) experience.

@JD4010,

I signed up for my organization's EAP program, set an appointment, had it confirmed and was ready and waiting for the telehealth call.  Provider never called.  I called the health care company 3 times.  Got cut off twice while on hold.  Got through, then got transferred directly to their third (fourth?) party scheduling contractor.  They tried but failed to contact the provider.  I just asked that they follow up with me to let me know what happened, and so I could decide to try again with same provider or a different one.  They never called back.

That's anecdotal I realize, and if I thought it would be beneficial, I would pursue it again anyway.  As it is, I found a good therapist who I knew before they were a therapist in a different context, which is kind of cool.  So, I'll stick with that.

How are you doing these days?  I'm not here much, but will check back, and you know how to reach me live.
Hope you and your daughter are well.

Best,

G

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