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8 hours ago, gandolfication said:

Sh*t.  Sorry.

It hasn't been 40 years for me a feeling this way, but I certainly understand and unfortunately mostly share your experience and view of life.

I know that you have been successful in your sobriety, so I don't mean this literally, but you're experience above makes me think, wow such a good candidate for some can nabis and alcohol.  

Please disregard, as I am not seriously suggesting that for you.  Though I do remember in my 12-step program, hearing and seeing all about the misery of those trying to remain sober without the spiritual dimension of the 'program.'

Anyway, I'm sorry I'm just rambling.

I'm retired from the can nabis and alcohol but I'm seriously thinking about coming out of "retirement".  

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13 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm retired from the can nabis and alcohol but I'm seriously thinking about coming out of "retirement".  

I don't know your history, so I don't know if that's healthy for you.

I suppose I was just commenting generally, because for me it is one of the few things (there are a few others) that do help me get out of the horrible place of my own head.

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19 hours ago, JessiesMom said:

I am so sorry things are so crappy right now. Remember that you are irreplacable to your kids  - they don't care about money - they care anout Dad. Leaving them would affect their lives everyday. If you can't stick around for yourself - stick around for them. I have seen the impact of leaving first hand. We were at my Mother in laws house with the kids when the cops showed up to let the family know that my brother in law was gone. My daughter does not remember because she was too little, but the boys knew what was going on and it effects them to this day.

Thanks.

I have no doubt of what you're saying.

That's the same thing my friend told me when I called her yesterday.

For now I will.

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Posted (edited)

Yesterday I took my son to the park and then to get hamburgers, and a "mikshake".

I took a level, tape measure and a cardboard triangle to the park with me.  

There is an extraordinarily large and great climbing pine tree.  I know this because my daughters climb halfway up it.  I wanted to see if it was tall enough to be fatal.  It sits partly over a paved road.  It is basically across the street from me, always immediately available, and free.

Using the items above, I did some simple trigonometry and measured the height of the tree to be only about 90 ft tall.  Not tall enough for sure thing so I rulled it out.  Needs to be over 100 ft at least to be a safe bet.

I called my friend whom I referenced in a post yesterday.  She's good to talk to about these things.  Young kid who's autistic and has a bunch of other complicated problems, but has a super high IQ, and just gets stuff.  Maybe because of that and a lot of already traumatic life experience, she has a wisdom beyond her years.  she shares insight and empathy without judgment, like a lot of you here.  she painted a picture of doing my legal writing business while eventually receiving some partial disability income after denial and approval on appeal (which she has just started receiving).  I thought about that as a potential light at the end of the tunnel.  It is at least an alternative answer, if I can ever really get there.

When I came back home, I ended up working about 6 or 7 hours preparing a writing sample that's now ready for several applications.  I think it's very good now.  Just doing this kind of work and crafting a finished product that ultimately 'sings' Is highly gratifying (Granted that I should have done it all before my kids got home)

I'm still resting a lot, and not making some phone calls I need to urgently to get income quickly.  I'm not really taking care of bills or things like that.

I am working with and helping and taking care of my kids as they have just started school again.  I'm having a hard time facing the reality that right now there's a lot I could be doing to make their lives better that I'm not.  We will run out of money this week.  My friend reminded me that the main thing, and in some sense the only thing, Is that I am still alive to be with them.  So for now I will.

Edited by gandolfication

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On 8/14/2019 at 3:22 PM, gandolfication said:

Yes.

It's a s***** situation.

Among other things, I'm contemplating blowing the whole thing up by reporting the whole thing to the bar myself and suing.

What he did, and what I can prove, is so much worse than anything I've done or that he could prove or even alleges really.

It would be a long painful road.

And at the same time, I'm seriously considering leaving this world, so who cares.

I'm just not sure I have the stamina or wear with all or desire to keep going.  And I think I have very easy free immediately and always available means and access right across the street does it happens.

So I'm a mess.

And I'm isolating pretty well.

Okay, but this solves none of your problems.

An approach that could solve problems:

Apply for unemployment.

IF he does constest it, THEN threaten to sue with a copy of what he wrote, so he backs down and stops contesting your unemployment claim.

THAT is the order/ method to pick.

And it gives you unemployment benefits, easing your financial situation.

Really, THIS is the option that he handed you on a platter.

 

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29 minutes ago, Sophy said:

Okay, but this solves none of your problems.

An approach that could solve problems:

Apply for unemployment.

IF he does constest it, THEN threaten to sue with a copy of what he wrote, so he backs down and stops contesting your unemployment claim.

THAT is the order/ method to pick.

And it gives you unemployment benefits, easing your financial situation.

Really, THIS is the option that he handed you on a platter.

 

I thought about this, but when you put it like that, that probably is the best idea.

I'll give that some thought today. Thanks.

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@gandolfication Eek! That trigonometry exercise. Good practice I suppose but the rationale for conducting it is obviously scary (though I completely understand it).

I like @Sophy's suggestions a lot. I think she's brilliant. Well, I think both of you are.

Thanks for posting, my friend.

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33 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

@gandolfication Eek! That trigonometry exercise. Good practice I suppose but the rationale for conducting it is obviously scary (though I completely understand it).

I like @Sophy's suggestions a lot. I think she's brilliant. Well, I think both of you are.

Thanks for posting, my friend.

Thank you JD.

you and Sophie in a few others here have kept me going a lot of times including now.

I thought about refiling the unemployment.  Ran It passed my wife too.  Haven't made a decision yet but it is on my to-do list.

Today I made four very important phone calls did several emails and application items I needed to, and I'm now taking my kids to the pool or I will mostly work on my laptop.

so even though I slept in, which always makes me feel really crappy and guilty and shame, I got done all the most important things I might to do list and of course feel marginally better about that.  Well no, massively better, considering there is still lingering anxiety and depression.

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Finished up application documents and applied to 6 jobs, including 1 or 2 I'd really want.

Made phone calls, secured one new contract drafting project for modest amount, but will take at least a week to get paid.

Another larger potential project on hold, though I pushed the follow up.

Still considering the uneploymemt thing....I'd be buying a sh*tload of trouble, and just thinking about it stressing me out, but we'll see.

We basically tan out of $ today.

I haven't really talked to either of my parents in 3 weeks.

I know it is completely stupid in irrational, but I just did not feel like reaching out.

It really seems all like two little too late. 

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A lot of things do seem like too little too late.  

I would make effort to stay safe legally as it sounds like your old jerk boss has the sword of Damocles over your head.

Never give up hope.  Never surrender because in the end it will all be worth it.

 

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Posted (edited)

Sounds like you are making some strides. As a father who has experienced dramatic salary loss and continually faces the prospect of an empty bank account, I can relate to your position. Your determination is admirable.

Edited by Tilted

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On 8/16/2019 at 5:09 PM, Tilted said:

Sounds like you are making some strides. As a father who has experienced dramatic salary loss and continually faces the prospect of an empty bank account, I can relate to your position. Your determination is admirable.

I second that. @gandolfication is a true inspiration. Wish I had even 1/2 of that guy's perseverance.

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On 8/16/2019 at 6:09 PM, Tilted said:

Sounds like you are making some strides. As a father who has experienced dramatic salary loss and continually faces the prospect of an empty bank account, I can relate to your position. Your determination is admirable.

Well, that's kind, thanks.

 

Sounds like your persevering as well.... I know you are if you keep taking care of your family and putting money back in your account.  

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On 8/16/2019 at 5:04 PM, Rattler6 said:

A lot of things do seem like too little too late.  

I would make effort to stay safe legally as it sounds like your old jerk boss has the sword of Damocles over your head.

Never give up hope.  Never surrender because in the end it will all be worth it.

 

Wow, that's really good and well said.

I know how hard it is to try to write anything really constructive or meaningful back to people who are in hopeless despair like I have been an am up and down these days.

I don't know entirely why, but that one really got through to me. Thank you.

 

Today, I completed applications for food stamps, cash assistance and Medicaid.

should have been done a month ago, but I know how shoulds are and at least it's done today.

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This is probably funnier to me, but...

 Sophie got home from school and was holding her cat.  I came up to her and said, "oh Sophie, guess what, they got their claws clipped, so now they have little bear paws."

She looks at me with we her freckles, rolls her giant eyes and says, "uh dad, bears HAVE claws."

touché

 

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